It feels like in my friend group we are constantly making acceptions for things that we shouldnt, like talking shit about people that we act kind to in person or when a friend is doing unwell mentally its difficult to stop being nice and just yell at them if that makes sense. I see other friends groups push their friends to be better by being angry/dissapointed towards them when they have to and im really bad at that, i feel like i dont know how to be a real friend, my problem is that when my friends are pieces of shit its hard to push them to be better instead we just stay quiet and observe eachother. Are some people just unsavable? Do i have to pick better friends?
2 comments
If you yell/judge/pick your poison constantly at them then:
a) look at yourself, maybe you being unreasonable and need to change/cope
b) they are just not your plate of meatballs, find the one you’ll feel comfortable in.
c) break your back to change them whole and maybe get nothing.
from point c) we can elaborate to answer to one of your question: Yes, some are beyond “salvation”(It could be us as well).
You should pick “better” friends if you feel you current friends have no good influence/impact on your life and neither you have any tool to impact theirs to be better.
i used to have a best friend where all we did was talk shit about people and party and we stopped being friends because we were terrible people together. After that friendship ended I made a new years resolution to stop talking so much shit, and really set out to form boundaries with all the people in my life. And it worked. after that, I met my now best friend and I explained to her my goal and why I made it and she understood and keeps that boundary with me. now do we still gossip about reality tv stars and celebs? yes of course that’s what they’re there for, but we don’t gossip about people we know and then play nice with them after the fact.
Setting boundaries with friends is important. people like to do things that align with their friends. so when you are around your friends that gossip, you could say “oh I don’t feel comfortable talking bad about that person” or “I made a goal to talk less shit about people” and they will either just stop doing it around you or will think oh maybe we should stop too.
if they don’t care to be mindful around you then they aren’t your friends. but you have to start the conversation, don’t just end the relationships