Help. I am hurting. I am M/24 with a partner of F/20. I need help and advice

Hey I’m M (24) a wild musician/music producer I am in a relationship with a woman F(20)who has schizophrenia and bipolar disorder who doesn’t take her meds. I used to love myself and always wanted to spread tha love to the person I considered my rock or home. Instead I’ve now started to digest my existence. I feel empty, no support emotionally. Jus feel like a doormat. It’s not fair.

I took her to Amsterdam and proposed to her. She often used the engagement as leverage against me. One time about a month ago she took of the ring for the 10th time and left the home for the day. She left it on the bed. So I found it while she was gone. I placed it in different parts of the room in very obvious sight. I would prompt her to look for it but she would decline. She thought it was under the bed. I had placed it in 10 different spots over the place of 4 weeks. Then put on my chain on my neck. Still she did not notice until the day before our anniversary. (I didn’t give it back)

The day before our anniversary she posted loads of suggestive videos of her body in some very sexy clothes. I told her how I felt uncomfortable about it and how it made meh feel. She then went on to get angry and call meh out. I don’t find value in what I have if it is so easily available.. this is all new agreements we made are out the window. Ever since she copied this other woman’s hair she has had somewhat of a god complex and my life has become even smaller in her eyes. It’s tough she thinks she is untouchable and it’s killing me. She shows everyone but meh some sort of respect. I’ve never been treated like this not even by my abusive mother.

She has an obsession with someone I used to know from other side of the country, she’s never met her but she made meh remover her from everything and block her and has physically assaulted me over he following my instagram account. She then in October went on to befriend her online and now thinks they are in a online feud through instagram stories and TikToks? It’s madness to me she’s copied her hair and won’t get rid of her on accounts when I’ve asked because of how severely it’s affected our relationship.

I don’t get to cuddle my girl cause I touch her too much.

I don’t feel respected or loved in the relationship.

I try my best constantly and am never ever appreciated for my efforts. I don’t have a lot of money but I go above and over the standards to try and make a happy and calm existence to make her life easier.

I put everything aside for her needs to jus to get no thanks or appreciation for my actions.

I don’t get to be sexual with my woman she doesn’t ever want me to have Š3X with her anymore. She would get jealous if I give any female attention and accuses meh of being gay with my male friends based on stories from 7+ years before I met her

We never have deep conversations about how we are feeling how we are doing.

I have never felt so alone when I am with her. I feel like I’m unwanted and useless and it’s making meh feel sick and sad all the time. I feel like nothing but a shell. There’s no character development.

I used to love myself and always wanted to spread tha love to the person I considered my rock or home. Instead I’ve now started to digest my existence. I feel empty, no support emotionally. Jus feel like a doormat. It’s not fair.

My feelings and emotions are not important enough to her. What makes meh uncomfortable and makes meh feel bad is always questioned and then ignored with a massive argument and meh usually being kicked out or physically hurt. I have a new collection of scars on my face and body from her

I’m no saint in this situation. I’ve been bad I’ve said bad things. I’ve never consistently kept these behaviors up. I’ve done everything in my power to grow and adapt and learn from situations

She calls upon loyalty. Then she’s the same person who calls the police on meh. Kicks meh out in the rain. Leaves meh to struggle and suffer alone. I’ve never once tried to leave pushed her away or let her feel abandoned. Even at worst I come and try to do good.

Why has it gone from happy 90% of the time to happy 10% of the time and miserable and belittled 90% of the time.

I don’t feel sexy I don’t feel healthy I don’t feel good at all anymore. I feel dead, numb I feel nothing anymore. I stay because i am loyal to the cause. I chose this person so i stand by it with my life. I am told I deserve better by the angels.

I quite often think about leaving. It’s scares meh not because I won’t have a home, a woman or anything like that. It’s scares me because I don’t know what type of people she will bring into her life. The things she has experienced are terrible in the past and I never want her to be with someone who will inflict such horrible damage to her emotion or body.

I am lost I really don’t know what to do. I’ve lost all respect for myself in the process of trying to be with this woman. I am not respected by her, my friends or my family. Everyone thinks I’m weak.

I hate this. I’ve tried for years to be happy and I was then I found her and now I’m worse than ever before my morals, my mind is all bent out of shape and it’s hard to keep going.

All I wanted was someone to support my career. Comfort meh when I’m stressed and struggling. Someone to hold, be with and have a family with. I feel extremely defeated. All will be a lesson at the end. I’m jus not really sure what the hell is going on anymore in my own life.

I am sad