So a bit of background, we met in college and became great friends then moved into a relationship in a few months and continued our it even after. We always seemed very compatible for each other physically mentally etc. She is very career oriented and motivated me as well to push myself to be my best version. I grew leaps and bounds.
At times we were in separate cities (or same city but far apart) but we always made time for each other and she then relocated to another country for work for about half a year. Just before that we met each other’s parents as well and everything seemed perfect. I met here there once and everything was amazing when we were together but things had changed quite a bit compared to before. She then decided to pursue a Master’s Degree (6 months long). Just before that we both officially discussed that we’d like to It’s not very long but it was very demanding and even the limited time we had prior reduced and with the added time difference I began to feel a bit neglected and taken for granted.
I talked to her about it around 3 months into her new environment. She was a bit shocked, she thought things were going well and needed to process it. Then for a month things felt very different between us. We discussed our future plans and she mentioned she didn’t want kids (a bit out of the blue) and asked me what I wanted. I mentioned I don’t know but I want the right partner, there’s no place where I want kids with someone I’m not compatible with and I stressed that I want her in my life.
2 Weeks later after some more distancing she calls me and tells me she’s gone to therapy and she decided after that she doesn’t want kids at all and that I am someone who does. So we can’t be together. It was an hour but there were tears. She said she cares for me and that we’d have this fight later and she couldn’t be a part of this relationship anymore. She was very firm and nothing I said changed her mind.
Now we text and she said I was the perfect boyfriend and that any woman would be lucky to have me. We couldn’t be together because our views didn’t align. She wants to be friends and says I am very important in her life. She doesn’t flirt with me but she’s very encouraging and motivating me.
Also I asked her if her mind changes some day would she reach out to me. She said she would for sure and only if it’s best for me and us she would.
I don’t know where I am, I mean I am a very reserved person, even meeting her and being with her was really a coincidence. After 5 years if someone decides not to be with you when you both decided to be together forever. But now it’s all gone. I put my best into it and I know things are not in my hands after a point. I don’t know what to do next. Do I go for casual encounters? Do I try for something serious? Do I try to convince her that if we’re both agreeing that we’re good partners then can we discuss an arrangement suitable for us both?
Really appreciate any thoughts.
1 comment
She warned you that her Masters program would limit her time for you and one assumes you accepted that at the time. Then when it actually happened you got upset and guilted her about something she already told you was going to happen. It’s pretty typical for college relationships to fall apart once the involved parties go off in different directions to pursue different life goals. But it sounds like you and she are incompatible for other reasons too (kids). So try to heal yourself from this and move on. It might also help you in future relationships to recognize that you being “the perfect boyfriend” doesn’t negate that life sometimes intervenes and makes things impossible.