My boyfriend [32M] and I [32F] have been together for 3 years. We love each other, we have a house, we want to stay together but sometimes I think we’re sexually incompatible. He has a really bad porn addiction that he lied to me about for years while I was starved sexually. He’s finally stopped now, but it’s not like things will get better instantly. He never really opened up to me. I’ve told him everything I like and everything that turns me on, and he’s told me nothing about himself. I don’t know what he likes, I don’t know how he likes to be touched, I don’t know what turns him on. I’m pretty experienced and I never had this problem. Aside from kissing which works sometimes, I don’t know how to get his dick hard, and it makes me sad. He gives amazing head and makes me cum easily, but I’ve never made him cum. It’s a struggle to get any reaction out of him, and I don’t know what to do. I really, really love sucking dick but it does nothing for him. I’ve really tried everything, and I hate that I’m having to play a guessing game. I’m not unattractive and I’m so horny all the time, it makes me sad that he doesn’t get excited about fucking me. I could be laying next to him on the sofa with my legs spread, touching myself and he wouldn’t even look, let alone be turned on. He’s trying to improve. He quit porn, he’s working out again. But I think it’s a communication issue.
He’s very good to me in every way. I would like to stay with him because we’ve been very healthy for each other and I love our life. We do have great sex sometimes but it’s few and far between. That’s the only problem in our relationship and I’d like to solve it. I would like suggestions, please.
12 comments
Sounds like severe porn addiction took a toll. May just take time if he has really quit, plus therapy could help
Ita not you. It’s his problem and he should look into finding help. Plus a well rounded true relationship has to have good sexual open chemistry. Sorry love. Good luck
An addiction of any kind is not easy to quit. It’s not “just porn”. This is going to be your sex life forever unless he takes it serious. He might possibly even need help. Therapy or something. And not to scare you but it’s more than porn there’s call girls and much more behind it.
Porn destroyed the real meaning of love intimacy and sex
>I don’t know how to get his dick hard
I’ve always gotten my own dick hard. And if that doesn’t go easy for him, I’d say it would be even more difficult for someone else, like you.
You’ve never made him cum in 3 years? He might be gay and just afraid to admit it.
Wow alot of men don’t cum during sex ,especially from oral it’s not that they don’t want to or it’s not good she has to just add his masturbation to the sessions if you want to see him get off.We all do it 😉
Have you tried things like [MojoUpgrade](http://mojoupgrade.com)? There are sex quizzes and checklists. I definitely recommend finding a [kink-allied therapist](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/sex-positive-kink-allied) to meet with.
Good luck 🍀
Oh Hun. I’ve been right where you are and I’m so sorry that you have had this experience. I don’t know what to say. My partner lied and lied and starved me of sex for years all the while he was giving his sexual energy to millions of other women on a screen that should of been for us to share together. I’m sorry to say but the longer it’s been a problem, the longer it takes for their brains to rewire back to real life sex, and that’s IF they are truly and 1000% dedicated to fixing the problem. My partner strung me along for a decade always promising but eventually gave up and left me for his life with his screens. It’s so soul destroying as a woman to be the third wheel in a relationship with a man and his porn addiction. Society doesn’t want to admit the severity of this problem and has a million excuses for it and a million bad names to call you for questioning it, but I want you to know that nothing of this is to do with you, this is going to be a massive issue in the coming decades as these newer generations are being basically raised on hardcore porn. Some of these young people have never even had a sexual thought that came from their own mind as they’ve had it all fed into them from the porn that they’ve been viewing since they were old enough to type ‘boobies’ into Google. You need to be prepared for potentially a year or even much longer of hard work and heartbreak and prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that the porn might win. Don’t sacrifice your life to this man and his problem, if he’s not dedicated to fixing this then get out while you still have an ounce of your soul in tact. Good luck x
3 years together and you’ve never made him come even know you’ve had sex many times.wtf.Hes either GAY ,has a very low testosterone level, physically can’t produce sperm or isn’t into you sexually.Might be time to find a man that wants to fuck you and has a high libido that matches yours.Otherwise gurl you could be going without for years.Ive seen that before and it really isn’t pretty for the woman involved.
Not that you have to, but are you open to do the things he likes in the porn he used to watch? Is there a chance he likes hardcore things and the sex with you is more vanilla?
Just an update: we talked about it for a long time last night and he said he has only ever wanted to have sex like once a month since his mid twenties. It checks out because that’s about how often he seems into it. The problem is, I’m horny all the time, so I think we’re just naturally incompatible. He seems to think he can become more sexual and want it more often if he changes certain things in his life. No more porn whatsoever and he’ll start working out again. I think that has a good chance of being successful. I want to give it a try at least.
The thing is, when the sex is good, it’s mind blowing. He has an amazing dick, he knows exactly what I like, I love how he smells and feels, I love how he touches me, and I generally love him. I’ve been with a lot of people and I’ve had more orgasms with him than anyone else. I don’t want to give that up, I just want to make it more equal.