In your opinion if you and your SO/family are together. And you say you’d like to spend time together. I.e. enjoy a TV show or movie. Does it bother you when they break out the phone while watching a show with you?
As a kid my family spent time together watching movies and I’d really like that back, but it doesn’t feel the same when everyone else isn’t present while having a 2nd screen going. Am I just overreacting?( By this I mean it makes me feel a certain way and as a man of course I haven’t said anything.)
I’ve been struggling with feeling alone in my house. I know part of that is a issue with me. But is this a real gripe?
13 comments
YES. It’s called “phubbing” — snubbing people with your phone.
We’ve tried to make it a point of focus in our house, both adults and kids. If you’re alone, fine, indulge a screen. But if two or more people are together, let’s be present with each other.
It doesn’t bother me personally but I can see why it would bother others. Can you have a “no devices” time?
For instance, Sunday is our no TV/Devices day. We use some of that time to have marriage meetings.
Technology has messed up with our attention spans. I do it while watching a show by myself.
You could ask for no phone time
It’s definitely not the same when people are on their phone. You have a valid request to have some non-phone family time.
At the same time though you don’t need to be all together all the time. Try having some dedicated non-phone time and some other “everyone does what they want and if we’re all in the same room doing separate things that’s ok” time.
I think there’s definitely some nuance to it. Sometimes it does bother me sometimes it doesn’t, during the times it does bother me I generally just say something. “Hey can we just watch this together no phones? I’ll put mine away too.” I think if one of us really expressed that we’re missing each other and that’s the purpose for the hang out night then I would be more offended. If it was just a regular evening after work I generally take it less serious. So it kind of depends on if it’s a date night or just hanging out at home
Marriage is hard.
Overreactions makes it harder.
So…. My husband and I watch shows together, and be on our phones at the same time, while sitting in a chair and half together. We still watch, hold conversations etc . We’re multitaskers I guess..lol
Maybe you could suggest something different with your family like a board game/card game night? Something relaxing but more engaging than tv so there isn’t as much opportunity for the phones to come out.
It bothers me. I have the same questions as you. I determined the stuff we watch that my partner just uses their phone the entire time they aren’t super interested in. I think part of why it bothered me was I felt like my partner wasn’t that into it and wanted to be doing something else so it wasn’t a good quality together time for them. I want my partner to enjoy what we are doing when we are together.
We stopped watching movies or TV together unless it’s something my partner knows they are really into it and I don’t worry about them using their phone since I know they were the one that wanted to watch it.
Nah I’m reading this while watching a movie with my wife. I’ll ask her what I missed
I wouldn’t count watching TV in the same room as time spent together. For me, spending time with s partner means things like having drinks, going for a walk, reading to one another, playing a board game, seeing a show, going to the museum etc.
I get annoyed at getting the phone out thing when it’s during an activity we specifically said we’d do together e.g if we said we’d watch the new movie on Netflix that evening after work and he cracks out his phone. If we’re both just existing and something’s on in the background or either of us start watching something and the other joins, it doesn’t matter to me. My husband is always on his phone & iPad as he also used it for work (and he’s a workaholic) so I have to be a bit understanding at times. We have a strictly no phones rule for date nights now as his obsession was getting out of hand
For me I would only mind if they were missing bits and not following the plot. Or if it was something I loved growing up (Princess Bride for example) and I was showing them for the first time.
I think the main difference in why some people find this annoying and others don’t is: can you multitask? My partner can’t multitask so he’s always 100% focused on whatever we are watching. For me, I need something to busy my hands. Not usually my phone but I knit, draw or something along those lines. Just can’t fully relax really if they aren’t doing something. When my partner and I were first together he thought I wasn’t paying attention because he wouldn’t be able to do both things. Once he realised I was fully following along he was like ah okay doesn’t bother me.
I do think the phone thing would be harder to focus though so I get both sides!