I’m in college rn and have had a few hookups and when they start getting to the point right before we start dating or being boyfriend and girlfriend, I just kind of lose interest. It’s not that I never had feelings for these people, in fact, the reason I start seeing these people is because I had interest. But I feel like once it starts to turn into a relationship I feel kind of trapped and this is the only person I can be with.
Maybe I have commitment issues or maybe I was just interested for a casual hookup that just went on further than I thought. I honestly don’t know, I’m 20 and the only time I actually dated someone was when I was 16 so I wouldn’t really count that because it’s not like we spent every moment together and there wasn’t a whole lot of intimacy in the relationship.
Is it just that I haven’t met the right person yet.
I’m currently in a quasi relationship, we’ve had hookups more than we’ve had dates and live over an hour away from each other, with a friend and I’m currently feeling this loss of interest. The problem is we’re both going abroad to the same school, have a lot of mutual friends, and I’m fairly certain she really likes me. So if I break things off with her now I’m gonna seem like an asshole to our mutual friends and I’m going to be alone abroad.
Is all of this normal? Is there anyway out of this relationship without seeming like the bad guy? Or how do I overcome this fear of commitment?
Sorry if this post seems consulted, like I said I’ve never really had a long term relationship and want to know what to do before it’s too late. Haven’t told my friends much yet just because these feelings just kind of dawned on me this morning? Any help is greatly appreciated.
3 comments
Hi, I’d suggest checking out avoidant attachment, especially as you mention having genuine interest from the start but then losing it after it is clear they also have feelings for you (hence the time dating starts/you are moving to a more ‘committed’ phase). Could it be that you want intimacy but unsubconsciously push it away once you obtain it?
Maybe you would do better with nonmonogamy?
I was in a somewhat similar situation, I lost interest whenever someone got too intrested in me. I’ve had a healthy relationship with my parents and have long-term close friendship. So, I’m not sure avoidance attachment would be a good description.
I’ve always enjoyed going on dates and I love getting to know people. So, I don’t think I was just looking for a casual hookup.
My issue was I never thought too much on what I wanted out of a relationship. And, to a certain extent that’s fine, ur young and u don’t really know what u want. But, it’s worth guessing at it and having ur assumption corrected. That’ll make it easier for u to decide if u should go forward with a relationship.