Backstory, I met this guy let’s call him Leo when we were in grade 7. We became friends pretty quickly after the teacher sat us next to each other. Growing up I was always shy but Leo was the only person that I was close with at the school. At that time I was dealing with depression and at my lowest point in life and without even knowing it, he was just always there next to me. Especially when people would ask me on “why I am always quiet” or when guys try to ask me about anything that revolves about relationship or having a boyfriend. He was always there to tell them to f*** off. When ever we were together, I always felt comfortable around him. Although he was an extrovert and l’m an introvert. The moment we’re together, I was the one always talking while he would just sit there and listen. A lot of the kids at school shipped us or thought we were together. Since I always ignored anyone that tried having a convo w me, but the moment they see me w him I was always smiling and talking. I mean sure I may have had a crush on him at that time but I always thought that I might be romanticising him and using him to distract myself from what I was going through. I’m not sure how Leo has felt about me. I mean one of his friends has told me that he (Leo)liked me. However I think he was messing with me.
Moving on, I switched schools in grade 11 and moved to a different city (500km away) and slowly lost contact with him. We don’t talk anymore. It’s been two years since I have last seen him. While I was friends with Leo, I remember having a crush on another guy. But I never spoke nor do I know the guys name. Like l said I was dealing with a lot at that time so I was using anything (books, fictional characters, random guys) as a way to feel less numb and empty. At that time, I still kind of
liked Leo (deep down) but l pushed it to the back of my head. even though I had that weird obsession w my neighbour/school mate to feel something. (I never spoke w the guy).
Anyways when i moved out, I wasn’t depressed anymore and stopped obsessing over things, or even having crushes. However, I still can’t stop thinking about him. My new friends are telling me that I’m in love w him because I tend to talk about him to them. I disagree, I don’t think I’m in love with him. I used to think I might have created an idea of him but now that I’m not depressed, I’m aware of his many flaws yet still think about him and kinda like him. (Kinda, I’m prob being delusional). I compare him and how he made me feel to all the guys I meet and ask to go out w me.
I don’t think I like him but last night I had a dream about him. Us reuniting and I saw myself almost confessing to him but l got interrupted. Then after that he texted me, we talked and in the dream i remember him asking me to continue what I was going to say. I remember in the dream how we both knew what I was going to say (l’m in love w you) how I knew that he was in love w me. I remember both of us knowing that we are in love w each other but I’m the one that’s been acting like we aren’t. In the dream it looked like I was finally ready and he has been waiting for me for years now. Before I send him the text I wake up from the dream.
I’ve been thinking about him and the dream for the whole day now. It pisses me off because I’m not the type of person to have dreams. Usually when l’m dreaming l’m able to control them and am aware that I’m dreaming but with this one I though that it was reality. Whenever I have a dream that I can’t control it’s always a message. Now I am actually starting to question if I might be in love w him. I honestly think I’m being delusional. And honestly I don’t want to be in love w him because it will be painful.
Do you think I’m in love with him? Or am I being delusional?
TL;DR: had a dream of almost confessing to an old guy friend that everyone has been telling me I am in love w and now I’m confused.