This is a throwaway account because he uses Reddit a lot and I don’t want him to see it. I, (18f) was on the phone with my boyfriend, (19m) who I will call Tom. He was acting cagey, and I was avoiding asking him what was wrong because he will occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn’t. I was trying to make him feel better without asking about the problem, but it only worked for so long before he said he wanted to say something. He told me he wanted me to lose weight. For context, I am 5’9 and 159lbs. I started crying and he tried backpedaling, talking about how he still finds me attractive and still loves me and it’s no big deal if I can’t lose any weight. I wouldn’t consider myself overweight, but I don’t fit into a lot of clothes because of my overly large hips. This makes me feel super insecure and makes trying on clothes a lot harder. Because of this, I have lots of issues with fit and sometimes the fat will be pushed up from improper sizing and make me look bulkier than I am.
Earlier, I was trying on dress pants for a party I was planning to go to and most of them were making my stomach look big. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking that I was overweight and not very pretty. I stopped myself from thinking this by reminding myself that Tom thought I was pretty and he didn’t think my stomach was big.
I’m trying to figure out if I’m overreacting to this because I was feeling extra sensitive about the issue earlier or if it is something I need to address further. I don’t think it was right of him to say, but now I can’t even bring myself to speak to him. I realistically don’t want to end the relationship ov this but I’m feeling really upset about this topic and I’m looking for advice on how to move forward.
40 comments
Lose weight, tell him that you think you’re fine as is or break up with him. I don’t see any other options. I’d probably go with the 2nd or 3rd ones. 5’9 159 doesn’t sound fat
Friend. You’re so young. There are so many decent kind people out there. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t go Gaga for your body as it is.
pretty insensitive of him to make that comment. you should leave him
You need ro be with a partner who is supportive of you, not someone who is nagging you about your weight. If you’re worried about your weight and whether its an issue, you can ask a doctor or look at a BMI chart to figure out factually – his opinion isn’t needed. The attempt to control you about this issue is a huge red flag
You are technically within what is considered a healthy weight for your height. Even if you weren’t that’s between you and your doctor. It’s never okay for a partner to bring up your weight. It’s not their business. If they aren’t attracted or whatever they can move along and find someone they are attracted to.
>occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn’t
I’m very curious of examples to this but ultimately it doesn’t matter, you should lose 185 lbs of useless boyfriend if you ask me.
Lose weight if you want to. But either way lose the boyfriend.
Drop the weight! The dead weight (BOYFRIEND) 😂
Do you know how many guys are out there right now looking for someone your height and your weight? You sound curvy, with hips and normal bmi. Honestly you sound like a hottie.
Leave him. Your body type is in STYLE right now. Embrace it. Go out , have fun, meet new people.
He’s going to be bawling his eyes out when you’re in a truly loving relationship with someone who will ADORE your body.
I would break up. You can’t have kids with that one.
I can tell you how to lose about 190 immediately. Drop his ass. Follow me for more weight loss tips.
5’9 at 159lbs? That’s a perfectly healthy weight! Ditch the boy and find someone who loves your body the way it is! If you want to lose weight for whatever reason, do it for you, not because someone else wants you to
You should lose exactly the dead weight your boyfriend weighs by dumping him.
tell him about this new super efficient weightloss program where you lose x-amount of weight in a second!(x being your bfs weight)
Tell him to grow a bigger cock.
Then he’ll know how he made you feel.
It took me 38 years to find out that there are men out there who love “bigger” “curvier” women with normal to bigger a bodysize. They are trying so hard to get with them and they are appalled that these women are being snatched by losers who are asking them to lose weight. They are like “nooooo leave these women for us”
The only weight you need to lose is this idiot boyfriend.
Fuck him. Issues like these tend to just get worse and I doubt being around him is going to be good for your self esteem and this will probably always be in the back of your mind. I personally couldn’t get over this.
He sounds shallow as fuck. Do you really want to be with someone like that?
Your boyfriend either needs to love you the way you are or you need to move on. This is not about you. This is about an immature guy who spends too much time looking at women on the internet which is skewing his view of how most women look. If you want to take your power back, start telling him things about himself that you would like changed. Myself, as an old lady would dump him. Don’t let anyone take away your confidence. As for your issue with getting clothes to fit the way you want? You need to buy clothes that flatter you. It’s not about the size. It’s about the style. Short, flowy dresses are in and quite flattering on a figure like yours. Get high waisted pants to elongate your waist and hips with a wider leg.
A guy did this to me once. My biggest regret was not dumping him immediately.
Dump him.
You are fine. There is nothing wrong by with your weight. You probably aren’t dressing for your body weight. Which is why you are frustrated. There are are things I can’t wear without looking huge even at my ideal weight. Like at no point ever am I going to look attractive in low rise jeans. They fit me totally wrong.
If you want to lose some go to the gym and focus on muscle gain.
Yes some men mean well. Some just suck.
After a long illness I have gained weight. And I’m upset because its not coming off. My husband sat me down last week and said sometimes you seem upset by this(waving at me) but Im not I think you are beautiful. An I supposed to be upset? Am I supposed to be encouraging you to change or lose? What can I do? Because I love this(waves again) but I want to know how to help.
Find someone willing to listen.
Bro ur weight is FINE. Dump this dude tho he isn’t valuing you for who you are
Tell him to go find the horizon and fuck off over it.
This is completely unforgivable, honestly. And based on your comment of “he will occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn’t” – it’s not the first time he’s hurt you.
Please don’t waste another moment with this jackoff.
Ask him how much he weighs and then say that’s how much weight I’m going to lose then break up with him. I promise you’ll feel better.
Say you are totally right. We are done. Damm it feels good to lose the dead weight.
By getting rid of the dead weight that is your boyfriend. We all come in different shapes and sizes and we all have a certain someone who will like us for who we are. You can lose the weight but then it will be something else like bigger boobs, whiter teeth, blonde hair etc.
I know reddit is famous for reccomending ‘dump him’, but… dump him. He has no right to ask you to lose weight for him. If you want to do that for yourself, fine, though it sounds like you’re a healthy weight for your height. I have big hips too, and they do make finding clothes difficult! You deserve a guy who thinks your hips are beautiful and that your stomach is cute.
You’re not overweight. And your boyfriend is a jerk for body shaming you.
Don’t give him the power to devastate you over this. Get mad. You should be furious. At him, not at yourself.
I suggest you tell him that, since he’s decided to put body issues on the table for discussion, then you’d like him to grow a bigger penis.
Alternatively, tell him that if he has nothing nice to say about your body then he needs to sit down and shut up, and that if he *ever* body shames you again, he will find himself and his suitcases sitting on the curb and waiting for a cab.
What does he weigh? About 150 pounds? Let’s say he does. Tell him you found a super easy way to lose 150 pounds of asshole and dump his ass.
Tell “Tom” that you know how to lose 150 pounds immediately, and then, BREAK UP WITH HIM. I was married to a “Tom”, trust me, it will NOT end there. Learn to love yourself AND all your imperfections. We all have them, including “Tom”. If you want to be extra petty, tell him you’d like him to “grow a few inches”.
Tell him to fuck off.
I would be done with him, but if you get the chance maybe you can tell him to grow a bigger brain/dick etc. maybe tell him he’s short.
How much does he weigh? What a coincidence! That’s exactly how much weight you should drop!
Lose weight if you want too, do not lose weight because your shallow boyfriend asked. You’re an average weight. If he wants a woman who is a size zero he should go out and date a woman who is a size zero instead of continually saying things that hurt your self image. You are only 18, there is a lot of time for self discovery too, new relationships with people who genuinely are attracted to you how you are, who won’t ask you to change. If you lose weight now, what about if you get pregnant? What if you have an injury and can’t keep weight off for a while? He’s going to not only ask you to lose weight again, but then tell you he’s not attracted and seek either porn or another woman.
My ex told me he wanted me to lose weight. I dropped him.
Current fiance can’t get enough of my body (v cute). I actually did end up losing weight after leaving the ex, but I did it for _me_, not for him.
You’re far too young to be putting up with “my boyfriend wants” bullshit. It’s your body, not his.
You respond by making him your ex boyfriend
I’m more concerned with your part about him being cagey sometimes and you tip-toeing around it because he can turn mean.
This is not what a healthy relationship looks like. You should never have to monitor your responses in order to avoid emotional abuse.
If this was a one-time occurrence, I might tell you to talk to him about how hurt you are. But the fact that you are constantly gauging your emotions based on his mood is a no-go. Seriously – abort this relationship. The ENTIRE point of being with someone is to know you have someone in your corner that makes you feel good and supports you. This does not sound like that kind of situation.
How much does Tom weigh? Lose that amount, stat!
5’9
150
Girl stop- leave this ashhole
You already have some issues with your self confidence don’t let this boy dig your grave. Kick his ass to the curb- you’ll find plenty of guys who will fill his spot – easily!
I’ve been on the receiving end of this criticism.
Honestly?
Ignore him for a second and ask yourself if you need to make a lifestyle change to be happy with yourself.
I recently ran across a batch of photos of myself and I didn’t like what I saw.
I’m making changes now. And one of them isn’t breaking up with the person who had the honesty and courage to tell me that I was changing for the worse.
Learn this one simple trick to lose 120 to 200+ pounds instantly! (Boyfriends *hate* it)!
Let’s leave him. And buy a size bigger than you are and then Taylor the waist to fit you. That’s what us big hip latinas do.
As a 19yo, he’s a waste of your time as well as being a waste of space. Find someone that really love you for who you are