I’m in university right now and I feel sad seeing all of my high school friends meeting so many new people and living their social life while i’m unable to properly talk to my classmates. I’m pretty introverted and talking to people burns me out but I feel like lately I can’t even hold a decent conversation with people even if I know the topic super well. Idk if i’m the problem and seeing how people not approach me or initiate hang out sessions with me makes me not want to ask people to hang out. I’m a pretty low energy person and I don’t talk to loudest or act very energetic. Any tips on making new friends in uni? Or just maintaining good conversations so I seem approachable?
4 comments
People like to hang out with other people who are “easy to be with.” If you’re quiet, low-energy, not very engaged, then people are less likely to reach out because it becomes too much work for them. You give them nothing to ‘latch onto.’
The way to change that is starting your day with gratitude exercises so you develop some positivity in your heart and mind. Then approach your day as if you have something to GIVE to other people. Whether that be some friendly eye contact, a big smile, an enthusiastic greeting, a genuine compliment. Realize you’re there to GIVE things to people, not just to ‘get’ things from them. (By ‘giving things’ I’m referring to these intangibles, not any objects or money or help with schoolwork)
When you make eye contact is the best time to light up a genuine smile (including your eyes.) People CONNECT with others based on the emotion/energy they feel from them, so you want to be putting a positive vibe out there.
When you talk to people, have some passion for: yourself, other people, LIFE ITSELF! Just injecting an extra 10-20 percent more enthusiasm into your tone will make a world of difference. If you’re not sure what to say, ask a question! (one you’re interested in the answer to)
In conversation LINK to what they say with a relevant comment, a related question, or an experience of your own. NOTICE the little things that happen during your week, anything that is: interesting, unusual, frustrating, heart-warming, funny, informative, and write it down in your phone or on a list. Review the list before going out to socialize.
In your mind remember that life is a movie, and YOU are one of the MAIN CHARACTERS. With a speaking part. You are NOT part of the scenery.
Get out there and start making things happen, one interaction at a time. Good luck!
The problem people have is assuming that things is always left to the group. The reality is the group 9 out of 10 doesn’t do shit because they think it’s up to someone else. So don’t wait around for people to say hey whats up, you’ll have to do it yourself. Most people are not initiators, and most people don’t know how to maintain just like you.
The difference between You and them is that they know people already and within a close circle of people who know even more people, and you don’t.
• Making friends is about small talk, it’s about common ground to. Small talk is focusing on things around or external details. We’re jogging outside? Alright we probably both like fitness, that’s a topic to focus on.
• Maintaing them is just keeping regular contact with them and staying in the topics.
• Growing friendships is about introducing new topics, common grounds and activities to do with eachother
And remember friendships are not there for the sake of them. Make friendships for the value the person brings and what you bring. So when you meet someone, decide who’s a potential friend and who’s not. When you make a friend, decide who’s a maintain at the same level type friend or grow type friend. And if you need to reconsider the friendships value, do so and end it if the value is not worth it, or if it’s toxic. Don’t deal with It, cut people off.
the problem is you are using school as a place to make “friends” rather than get a degree. If this is what you want do it after you graduate when it is the proper time.
Reduce your social media, video game, and porn use + any other hedonic pleasures.