Men of reddit, how and when did you meet the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? How did you meet her and when did you realise she was truly special? Also, how was the first few days with her like? By this i mean, the chase phase, for a lack of better word, how was it like?

11 comments

  1. the idea that there is “the one” is a fallacy.

    the reality is that there are many people who could be a suitable partner.

    the most important factor is probably going to be timing: you both happen to be [edit: available]* at the same time.

    *edit based on comments.

  2. She was a friends roommate in University; then my roommate after I broke up with my gf along with a few others.

    We were pretty good friends, both kinda slipped up one night and pulled the trigger on more. We trauma bonded in the fallout of a friend going absolutely unhinged when he found out we were dating…

    Moved across the country for a summer to live with her, we moved again across country for her school.

    Basically we had a lot of opportunities to do our own thing or stick with the other person and we just kept choosing to stick together. I don’t even recall a specific moment when things changed, she was just always a friend and the friendship got deeper the longer we were together, and we were always happier together.

    Proposing was very much a “how can I make this fun” situation and not any sort of stress that she might say no.

    In a way it was kinda like I knew when I met her, because she was always the same person and I liked her – I think it was more that over time I became comfortable that she was actually who I thought she was?

    Edit: for context, married 10 years, dating for longer, we’ve had kids, we’re very happy and secure in our relationship.

  3. It wasn’t a single moment. We had met randomly through our industry (not the same workplace) and despite living in different cities we just kept talking and making time to see each other.

    Two years later a great job opportunity came up for me in her city. I took the leap and moved, and we decided that I would move into her apartment. From an outside perspective that seems like a huge gamble (moving cities AND living with a girlfriend for the first time) but I reality it just…didn’t feel like a risk, really. It felt natural and exciting. We talked about it and both felt it was going to be okay.

    And through that process, I quietly knew that I was more or less putting myself on marriage track to this girl, because the prospect of breaking up and staying in this new city without her wasn’t particularly appealing. But it all worked out. We’ve been together over a decade now and married almost 7 years.

  4. My story is posted elsewhere here. But my wife and I were schoolmates and org mates. There were other guys hanging about her. But I remained consistently present. After grad, we went separate ways but met again after 3 years. Spark was still there for me and I took my chance. She said yes and we vowed to stick to our commitment to each other. Dunno, as we age I feel closer to her now than ever. Pheromones are no longer significant as we are over the hill. I guess it’s just the constant presence, commitment, compassion, empathy, and giving in when there’s conflict. My gf of 27 years and wife of 22. I knew she was the one when she said yes. I waited 7 years for that yes.

  5. After having had 4 serious girl friends and 1 ex wife (she had borderline personality disorder).

    The day my wife opened the door on our first date. I knew.

    Married 6 years and 2 kids.

  6. About 5 years ago, I was addicted to dating apps. By no means a super attractive guy, with enough swipes I found myself on *a lot* of first dates. I would say somewhere in the region of 1-3 dates a week for about two years. This is not to brag, just to say that I met so many women, and yet nothing went anywhere. I was both addicted to the dopamine high of matching and the validation that came with the agreement to a date, and of course the expectation I’d eventually meet ‘the one’. Instead, I found that despite these women being perfectly nice, and enjoying their company mostly, I just… didn’t want to go further with any of them. Not one.

    I realised after a while of this, that nobody was *ever* going to be ‘good enough’. ‘The one’ simply didn’t exist in the way I’d built the idea up. I was seeking perfection: someone immediately engaging and disarming – pretty, intelligent, witty, philosophical, a thinker, sensitive, laughed at my jokes, liked the same music, adventurous, sexy, etc etc the list became longer the more women I dated and added up what I didn’t want.

    Then I met my current partner on what I thought would be another waste-of-time date.

    This kind, calm, cool-headed person in front of me, just seemed… different. She didn’t necessarily fit the mould, nor was she my typical type, but instead of saying ‘nah’ and moving on, I felt I had to give her a chance.

    Three years later, I’ve never been more sure of anything than being with this beautiful person. The kindest, most considerate and least judgemental human I’ve ever met – very much the antithesis of the uglier sides of myself. She’s shown me patience, care, thoughtfulness, love.

    Additionally, and importantly, we share the same core values (mostly!), see money the same way, have the same tastes, attitude to cleanliness, drive for adventure, sensitivity for each other’s feelings.

    Yes, we argue. Yes, we have issues that take work. Yes, there are things I’m sure she’d change about me, as I would her in a perfect world. She’s put up with a lot of my shit and I’ve put up with a lot of her shit. But ultimately, *all* relationships to some degree are like that. It’s about commitment and partnership to the one you love being greater than perpetual dating, a quick fuck or superficial and short-lived lust.

  7. We met during first week of uni and have been together for 12 years. We are so different and it’s been slow burner but in the last few years I’ve realised I could never be with anyone else. I love every moment with her. I’m looking forward to all the family stuff in the next few years, but also secretly looking forward to retirement when we can just potter around, hold hands and fall asleep.

    The thing that made me “know” was when I finally found her messy-ness endearing. I hated that about her when we met, but it doesn’t really bother me anymore. IMO, it’s all about time and sacrifice; there is no such thing as “the one”.

  10. Honestly, there isn’t “the one” but there is a time in your life where you are accepting of being with just one. There’s a difference. Right place, right time, right connection.

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