I dunno what to think about our sex life. Looking for some female advice.
We’ve been together 5 years, I (M) proposed last year and our sex life has tanked since then. It used to be a couple times a week. She used to ask for it, it used to be obvious that she was mad about me. Now I’m lucky if it happens once a month. And even then, it’s like we have to go to a strip club or something similar to get her fired up enough to wanna be with me.
At first, I figured it was temporary. But it wasnt. Its been almost a year and at this point im sleeping on the couch because the bed just feels… cold. In a romantic sense. The constant rejection has really destroyed my confidence. I’m worried because constantly feeling like I’m not good enough is making me subconciously wanna find that attention somewhere else (I haven’t, I’m loyal to her 100%) I just wanna feel like someone wants me and I’m not getting that from her. How do I fix this before my inner caveman comes out? She claims she’s the happiest she’s ever been. My gut says if this is happening during engagement then… what’s married life gunna be like? Will this ever get better?
12 comments
How old is she? How old are you? Do you ever try to initiate? If do you, what’s her reaction? Help us help you
Getting married won’t fix this so youre right. This is your sign to pause the engagement and figure out together if this is fixable or if it’s time to move on from each other.
Sit her down and talk to her. Be direct and honest and ask what’s up.
Have you asked her why your sex life changed after you got engaged? What did she say?
I stopped initiating intercourse with my s/o a long time ago. It wasn’t that I wasn’t into him, I just wasn’t feeling it. (I think also tho that my past played a big part in it too) I still loved him romantically, I just didn’t need sex to add to it. I wasn’t really turned on like that but it didn’t change my feelings for him. I still felt instant happiness whenever he was around, and there was no one else.
I’m not sure if this is the case for her, but a question I often seemed to ask was, is it necessary to the relationship for him? Did this need to be a factor for us to work. I, simply put, did not want to do it, but that did not change the love I had for him. I’d say you should talk to her, express your feelings and see where she’s coming from.
Also if not having sex regularly is a big issue for you or something you can’t get over, I’d express that too.
Just cheat
Strip club? Have you even tried foreplay to set the mood?
Have you told her this is a problem for you?
Where is the conversations you’ve had together? Where is the reasoning for the lack of physical intimacy? Are there changes in medication that can be affecting libido? Stress? Can be happy and still stressed. A lot of work of stuff going on and a lot of wedding/future thought so she isn’t enjoying the now as much?
I would be less concerned about “if this is how it is before we are married!?” And more concerned about the lack of communication, the lack of solution seeking. You are building a forever life together. In order to do that you have to be able to talk to each other and work through it.
Is something lacking on her end? Just a lower sex drive? Etc
This is something you have to talk through together. If you can’t solve the sex life how are you going to conquer even bigger contentions in the future?
Maybe you only hug her or touch her when you want sex and that puts her off. Maybe you don’t make her feel loved outside of the bedroom. These are just random guesses based off my relationship 🙄 … but I think it’s best to talk to her about it.
If you marry this one, you’ll regret it.
This is a huge red flag… She used sex to get the ring, after marraige it will be 1x a month if you are lucky… and youll beg for it…. I would walk away
I read you’ve only talked to her twice? And sleep on the couch? And a strip club turns her on?
You need a real conversation. It should include finding out if she is a lesbian.