Why is there such a common perception that straight men and straight women can’t be friends?

28 comments

1. Because the “I’m so horny that I let it override my common sense” type of people get more attention than regular-ass people, even though the latter are obviously the majority.

2. Because a lot of people think men are just animals who don’t have the capability of non-hedonistic thought.

3. > They have the logic that if they’re not having sex, they write the woman off like that’s their only use. Yeah, if you’re only intention is to get with them in the future and you use the guise of friendship to do it, that’s fucked.

   this is a messed up interpretation of someone moving on when they find their feelings won’t be reciprocated

4. My best friend is female. I have a gf. She knows and is very supportive. In fact she dropped me off to stay the night at my best friends the other day as we had an event early that morning.

   It can happen, but it takes a certain understanding between two people. Especially when both are attractive.

5. I’ve found this interesting too. As a young guy myself, I’ve always found it crazy when I hear other guys say they don’t want their girlfriends to have any male friends or vise-versa. I get that a lot of guys friends ARE trying to get in that girls pants, but not all of them.

   I certainly can be friends with a woman I don’t particularly find attractive or want to date, so I could eventually be that guy friend that the boyfriend wants to get rid of and I find that sad.

   I think it definitely has to do with how common one night stands are getting and how the dating scene has shifted over the years. A lot of guys have this mindset from a slight mix of immaturity or inability to control themselves, so they think no other guy can control themselves either.

6. > I don’t understand why being genuine platonic friends with the opposite sex is such a mind blowing concept for some men

   Men aren’t taught social skills in the same way women are. We’re often valued for our abilities, not our character, and so people don’t often spend a lot of time on our character.

   Think about the stereotype that women will be like “well if he does XYZ that must means he likes ABC, but if he does other XYZ that means you should respond DEF”. It’s silly on the surface, but at the same time it belies the fact that women are *constantly* trying to identify social cues, in the same vein unconsciously developing their boundaries. Men simply don’t do the same thing, and as such we often have very simplified views as to what boundaries are.

7. I think if it’s a straight man and an attractive woman it’s harder to do. The guy might not make a move, but he’d probably be down if she came on to him and he definitely thinks about her sexually from time to time.

8. Probably because most people first try to become friends with who they like before trying to pursue them romantically.
   So everytime they see a man and a woman together as friends, they automatically assume that either or both of them are trying to hit on the other.

   Which doesn’t make sense obviously. I mean, cmon, let’s say a person has 10-15 friends in total, out of which obviously atleast 5 might be of opposite gender. Do you think that person is attracted to all 5 of them? No right?

9. Because women are stupid, boring, and annoying. If I’m not trying to fuck why am I going out to brunch and shopping with this bitch? Does she ever come work on my car with me?

10. Because it’s reality, and most others who don’t believe it are either the rare exception, but more likely just deluding themselves into thinking they’re in it for genuine friendship.

    Most people can’t seperate their desire for sex/romantic relationship and their desire for genuine friendship.

    Perhaps the other issue, is that people have different definitions of “friends”.

    I believe actual platonic close friendships are possible between males and females, but it’s not common.

11. Neckbeards, self proclaimed alphas, sigmas or worse, people whos social life starts and ends with reddit…

    When people tell you that it cant be, because horny, they are mostly projecting and should go out and consentually touch a boob or smth.

12. I think they can be, and I had a pretty nice circle of women friends in my early 20s. It made me a better person and made finding partners somewhat easier. But they’d fade out either when I got into relationships or they got into relationships.

    So for me the issue was less over stepping boundaries, but all the factors that come with either me or them being in a relationship.

13. [deleted]

14. While I don’t think it is true in the absolute, there is some truth to it. Depends on a lot of factors like how attractive the man and woman are. If both are attractive, there’s a good chance they’ll hook up eventually. Or start dating.

    For me it’s hard not to want to date an attractive woman if we get along as friends. THere would have to be something very specific about her that makes her not girlfriend material but still somehow good friend material.

    Also, I think people push the definition of “friend” a lot. Like most people are just acquaintances. A true friend is a pretty high bar. I have plenty of attractive female acquaintances. BUt if I think if I got closer as friends with them I might have some trouble thinking purely platonically. And historically female friends have fallen for me too. People tend to think it’s just men driving this stereotype. But it definitely happens both ways. Plenty o’ relationship has started from friendships. But when it’s the man who has feelings, it’s automatically assumed to be sexual. But when a woman has feelings, it’s assumed to be romantic.

    So… it’s complicated.

15. Because it’s difficult for a man and a woman to be together and not have at least one of them develop feelings, even if it’s unintended.

16. I think the reason why a lot of people could see men and women can’t simply be just friends because more often than not, one of them will almost always have some sort of feelings for the other. Not saying that complete platonic, nothing but the friendship would never exist, but at least in my point of view, if you are a straight man and actively seeking for a partner, you’re not going to be really trying to form platonic friendships with a lot of women because you’re trying to find a mate. I have 1 platonic female friend, that’s all I need. She’s someone I can talk a lot to about things and she’s talked a lot about things with me, however it was formed through shared interests and being a part of a extracurricular activity when our friendship started. I’m not going to lie, I had feelings at first but learned to set them aside and they faded for the most part. Even though I have a female friend, I do not see the use of gaining more female friends because I rather have people who can relate to a lot of my experiences and ideas. Most women, at least in my area, you can’t find that. So at least for that 1 female friend, i was lucky to find her and relate with her even though we’re not partners. However, I am no need for anymore female friends.

    I also disagree that this is just a perception among men, but women have this too. A lot of women see a guy having female friends as a player, and they especially don’t like it if their boyfriend has a female friend. Personally, I don’t mind if a girl has male friends. As long as they are honest about their intentions and whatnot.

17. Because people with zero impulse control would rather pretend everyone has that problem than work on their obvious issues.

18. Vocal (immature) minority

19. I have plenty of female friends that I share interests with. I also know plenty of women that bore me that assumed men couldnt be friends with women because no man wanted to follow them around and do them unreciprocated favors without wanting in their pants.

    I think the origin of this myth is that a lot of women join a relationship NOT out of common interests…. But as attention-seeking or social-focused ventures. Since no common interest exists…. They find that THEY are the only interest left and only attract men that are interested in them sexually. Look at every shared video that has women call their guy-friends and test them…. The women in those videos aren’t a wide selection of women…. They are a specific subset of women that go clubbing non-stop, have fingernails over an inch long, and don’t have any non-social characteristic. The men they attract are equally uninteresting. It’s a biased sample.

    The truth is that people who derive their entire meaning from being social can’t have cross-gender friends because they simply aren’t interesting enough to do so…. And there are a lot of those people.

20. I don’t know but my wife and I are on the same page. We have some friends of the opposite sex, but we don’t hang out alone with them. It’s difficult to be friends when there is a chance someone may catch feelings.

21. I have couple of female friends, we know eachother for long time, they all are with boyfriends or married so i have no sexual desire towards them or they just arent my type that i would even consider something more than friendship.

22. I mean if you’re both single, you find her physically attractive and you share the same interests, your brain would probably tell you “hey, maybe she’d make a great girlfriend! Fall in love with her now, wontcha?”

    Just how it is for me personally I mean I hate to fuck up a good friendship but your emotions don’t really care whether a friendship is good or not before fucking with you.

23. Guys who have repressed their anger their whole lives and have never been in a fight are subconsciously terrified of the day they snap. It’s a similar thing. If you are unpracticed in internally generating your own boundaries, you outsource it into the cultural/social realm. It’s similar to the alcoholics that avoid all triggers vs the ones that can go to weddings and bars and be fine. A lot of men just aren’t well socialized when it comes to experiencing attraction and not acting on it, but you get better at it with repeated practice, and make yourself weaker by avoiding the challenge.

24. Why do people think that sexual attraction invalidates friendship?

25. Ever since high school I’ve had a lot of friends in the LGBTQ+ and can genuinely say it’s not a straights only thing. Whenever people are around people they’re attracted to and can have a decent friendship the possibility of feelings being developed is just higher. It’s not really a matter of sexually but rather personality.

26. I would say it is more exaggerated for views, the better version would be it is very hard for a man and a woman to be platonic friends if one have romantic interest in the other

27. So here’s the thing.

    If I’m single and a woman is single and i like her enough to consider her a “friend”, unless I’m simply **not physically attracted** to her, she’s already met the main requirement to be an ideal partner.

    So why is that a problem? Because if one person had a romantic interest in someone who doesn’t return that romantic interest, it’s going to eventually become a problem.

    Ok, so now you remove the being single part. Pretty much every one of my girlfriends and all of my guy friends have an issue with their SO being “friends” with someone of the opposite sex. Why? Because they’re all so insecure that they think that any attention given to someone of the opposite sex means that they are going to leave them for that other person.

    So why can’t men and women be friends? They can be but there can be ac lot of obstacles with maintaining that friendship.

28. Insecurity