How did the death of a sibling or loved one affect your romantic relationships(s)?

8 comments

1. My SO actually was the one who passed away. Basically resulted in me retracting back into just focusing on myself for 2 years. I’ve only just started dating again and I am a little apprehensive. It feels like everyone has partnered up or is already settled and I am getting picked last for gym class all over again but I’m desperately clinging to remaining positive regardless.

   I also lost my grandmother when I was with a previous boyfriend and he was largely supportive of the issue.

2. I was already on the fence about my (now ex) bf when my maternal grandma died. I asked him to come with me to her funeral for support, and he said no bc he “doesn’t do funerals”. Driving alone to another state to bury someone important to me made me realize how little emotional support I got from him.

3. I haven’t wanted to even think about dating since some family members died.

4. I actually switched relationships whilst my dad was ill before me passed away. My first boyfriend …. jerk. The second one and I just celebrated our tenth anniversary. What’s important is and understanding and your bond. And understanding that what you’re going through is awful and traumatic …. and can make people do weird wacky things. Patience. My husband was ALWAYS understanding if I ran late going somewhere cos I was with my dad in thr hospital, and he also made an effort to know him while he was here too :). Finding the right person for the job is hard but you can do it. Not everyone is equipped to handle heavy trauma and mental distress. Hopefully if you’re the one experiencing this your relationship stays strong if you want it to. This is the time to be there for eachother and grow closer.

5. My behavior was already problematic; the meltdown I got from the unexpected news made that even worse.

6. My grandma passed away, she raised me my whole life so her passing hit me like a wall of bricks. My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and a half when it happened. At first I was so angry with him, angry that he wasn’t calling his own grandmothers everyday. Angry that he wasn’t consoling me every second. Angry that he didn’t cry with me, angry that he got to have what I didn’t anymore. And he let me be angry, he let me take it all out on him. He knew he didn’t deserve it, I knew he didn’t deserve it, but I didn’t know how else to express my emotions. After about a month I was finally ready to stop being angry at him, and instead I fell into his open arms, as they were open the entire time and he was just waiting until I was ready. He was incredibly patient with me, and he refused to let her death effect US. He created such a solid foundation for us to stand on that no amount of my self sabotage would break us down. A year later now, I am thankful for his support, even though I didn’t see it at first. He is my rock, and I love him so much, and I know that my grandma loves him as well and this gives me so much comfort.

7. When my big sister died, I was 23 and had been in a relationship for just under a year. We were in love but I was living overseas when she got sick, I came home and she died 3 months later. He didn’t get to come back to Australia while she was alive, in fact he’d booked a flight and ended up flying into Australia on the morning she died. He met my parents two days later, at the lowest point in our lives. They really liked him. I really depended on him and he was a rock for everyone. He ended up moving to Australia so I could be with him and near my family. I often wonder if my sister was still alive if we’d still be together if we’d have made the same choices but here we are 17 years later with two kids and in a loving relationship. It was a huge sacrifice for him to leave his own country, and fast-tracked things for us, but definitely showed me how good he was and how much he loved me. I know that’s not the case for everyone and I was lucky with him. I did lose a close female friend who bailed immediately because she didn’t know how to cope or care enough. That one hurt.

8. My father died when I was 12. My mum and dad were deeply in love. Wonderful, loving parents, but absolutely in love. Dad dying destroyed mum and for a long, long time I didn’t feel that loving someone was a good thing to do as it can only hurt you.