Hello everyone! What I’m about to write nay come off really poorly, but I’m just super frustrated right now.
So my girlfriend is a little bit overweight. Nothing crazy, but definitely not in shape. She doesn’t like her body at all, and I honestly don’t love it either, but I would never tell her that. She is extremely lazy, unmotivated, and has no goals. Always late to work, sleeping all the time, eating out every day, it’s just bad and honestly unattractive.
She also does nothing outside of work and hangout with me. I play sports with my guy friends, workout, do happy hours, basically anything to keep me busy. All she does is lay in bed.
So back to the topic of this post, she hates her body. The problem is, she won’t workout, she won’t eat better, she just cries, makes herself throw up after eating, and then calls to tell me she did it. I fully want to support my girlfriend and help her get better, but there comes a point where I can’t help her unless she helps herself, and that’s the point we’re at. I try to help her exercise, just going on walks even, but she won’t do it. I tell her we should cook dinner, but she just wants fast food. Mind you, we have only been dating a few months.
I know there’s depression in there, but at what point is it ok for me to decide I cannot be a caretaker at this point in my life and I cannot help someone who won’t help themselves? I find myself in a bad mood all the time now, and I don’t even want to be with her because her lifestyle makes me upset. She literally tells me she’s hurting herself for what? Attention? Because I give her all the attention in the world, but I’m so fed up. And she just wants me to tell her she’s fine how she is, which I won’t do.
I’m afraid if I breakup with her she might do worse to herself, but idk if I can do this anymore. Please help.
7 comments
She just wants your attention. She needs to seek professional help. You can’t help her. She needs to want to help herself. Don’t feel guilty. That’s what she wants.
You don’t love her or respect her choices, and you don’t want to be with her, why are you?
You are right that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it, or won’t help themselves.
She needs to go to a doctor. Its hard to say but you need to think about yourself and your mental health. You cant blame yourself for what she is going too- and if she wont change, or cant change, she needs to get professional help. Eating Disorders need to be helped by a professional.
Speaking from experience, she needs a professional. As much as you want to help her, you wont be able too, especially if she is refusing to help herself. I would talk to her about going to a doctor, but if she refuses to do that, then you need to take care of yourself first
Does she have loving, supportive parents? I’m wondering if you could sit down with her and her parents and break up with her so they can keep her safe and figure out any next steps to helping her.
I feel confused as to what attracted you to her in the first place? You don’t seem to like her at all. She clearly has an eating disorder and should be treated by mental health professionals and a doctor. You’re absolutely right that change has to come from her. But if you’ve only been together a few months I don’t see why you’d even stay with her because it just comes off like you’re not even attracted to anything about her. So again, I’m just confused lol.
You can give her “all the attention in the world” but unless you’re trained in the treatment of eating disorders it’s not going to help a bit. This woman needs professional intervention. It’s not a personal failing to admit to yourself that you don’t have the skillset to “fix” someone with these kinds of emotional problems. Maybe try to help her find the therapist she needs.
Now is the right time to stop being her caretaker, since you can’t go back in time and slap some sense into yourself.
What she does or doesn’t do is not, has never been, and will never be your responsibility. She may be depressed, she may be introverted, hell she “maybe” a lazy, complaining, manipulative, emotional vampire but, that is completely her problem. Quit allowing her to drag you down to her bottom.
Your 20’s are supposed to be finding yourself and having fun, not playing therapist and daddy for someone that will never be a partner. Call her parents, tell her friends, wellness check from the police, just break up and block immediately. Do better when choosing your mate. Do not make this mistake again.