I 21F recently got out of a toxic situationship a month or so ago. I already somewhat moved on and I moved back home so I’ve been on dating app but not really active on there and I matched w this guy in my hometown. We are very similar in personality but have nothing in common other then that he says he likes me bc it doesn’t feel forced at all. He’s asked me out to dinner once but it was too sudden and I said I couldn’t go. It’s been around two weeks of talking and he wants to see me.
The thing is I do like talking to him but I feel so burned out. I’ve been on so many dates where me and the guy hit it off thru text and phone calls but once they meet me they suddenly aren’t so interested. That is bc first I’m really insecure and secondly I am very shy irl. So Just thinking about seeing this guy and most possible chance of him just cutting me off afterwards sounds like a drag to me. Maybe I’m being negative but yeah. Like I do want a relationship but I don’t know i just don’t have the effort rn. I told the guy to be patient w me and if he doesn’t want to then I understand and he could just cut me off.
Has anyone else experienced this? I feel that maybe all the times people cut me off after the first day just really made toll on my confidence.
3 comments
I think my meme is like 90% of matches fall through, 90% of first dates don’t go to a 2nd date, and 90% of those don’t make it a month. It is exhausting spending time connecting to people with high expectations, just to get drained and nobody wants to lower expectations and be friends (for good reason).
Lately I’ve been much more distant in my effort to “go on dates” but rather get some good conversations going, and going to phone call in 3-4 days after match. Then if they meet some expectation past that, I would ask them to dinner or drinks and an appetizer by the week mark. This usually filters a lot of people out.
The kinda of pain you are experiencing I would say comes from fatigue from a broken connection, and really I just kinda slowly meander until the next big vibe I get, whether that goes through or not. For me it’s very much communication styles and uncouth people that get me fired up and on my toes.
I haven’t experienced that but I think I understand
I think you’re doing the right thing
If guys tend to lose interest in person, then, if possible, get as close as you can before in person and that will maximize chances of success once you’re in person I think
What do you think?
I think I’d probably work on trying to be less shy on first dates. I suspect that is what the problem is. I know that sounds like I’m saying change your whole personality. I’m not. I’m just saying that sometimes shyness can come across as lack of interest. Are you telling full length stories or just giving one word answers? Are you asking lots of questions? Lots of follow up questions to his answers?