I’ve heard mixed things about whether people think it’s a red flag or not. If someone who was older than say 28+ told you they had never dated much before, for whatever the reason(s), would that be a red flag for you?

25 comments

  2. For a girl to not have much dating experience, it’s not a red flag. The opposite, in fact.

  3. Guy here.

    No. I know some great women who have a good family, friend group, etc, but told me they don’t get hit on/approached, and don’t do the dating apps. They seemed to see this as a reason to be focused on their education and career so they could be self-sufficient.

    And then, on the flipside, I dated a girl who was in 2 long-term relationships in her 20s/30s, both 9 and 6 years. Both of those men were emotionally unavailable, one of them severely depressed, one of them mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive, but she stuck with them because co-dependence. When she dated me and told me I proved in a matter of one month how emotionally available, kind, and caring a man could be, I suddenly had a bad feeling which proved to be foretelling when she bailed on me one month later saying she realizes she’s no good in a healthy relationship. That was a very tough one, too, because I was decent, thoughtful, caring, engaging, fun, funny, helpful, and she was extremely lazy, inconsistent, and thoughtless in what she brought to the relationship. She ended things with me abruptly without warning, but it was right around the time I wanted to sit down and talk about our future and possibility of moving on or not.

    So, really, you have to see it as a very very light yellow flag and ask questions that will help you turn it into a green or red.

    As for me, I am in my upper 30s and had a lot of dating experience, but not long-term relationships. Part of it was me needing to work on my health and lose weight, then having a portion of my life become career-focused, then figuring out who I was and what I wanted once I got the career and health stuff figured out. By that point, the years seemed to have flown by and suddenly I feel like I was supposed to have met and settled down a long time ago, but I just didn’t get there yet.

  4. It’s a yellow flag, there are way worse things

    but I do prefer someone with relationship experience becsuse communication is HARD and it took me time to learn, I expect others take some time to learn too. I would say their ability to communicate on difficult topics including conflict is the number 1 thing I am looking for to see if they are ready for a relationship. If they are afraid to say things that might hurt my feelings (when it’s necesssry) then it’s doomed from the start

    Edit: luckily you can also practice this with friends. If a guy has a few close male friendships where they communicate well then I am much reassured

  5. 31M here

    6 months out of a 9 year relationship, which started about 4 months after a 3 year relationship, so have effectively been in relationships since I was 18.

    Have had zero casual dating experience up until recently

  6. Not at all says they didn’t make as many stupid decisions with women or men…shows maturity

  8. If you’re a woman it will vary. Some will perceive it as red flag, some will perceive it as green and some won’t care either way.

    If you are a guy it will usually be a red flag and you’re better off not bringing it up and just faking it till you make it.

  9. I see a lot of comments here mention it to be a red flag if you are a guy. If that’s the case, then is it better off giving up on finding love and a relationship entirely and accepting being forever alone?

  10. Apparently its a red flag if it’s a guy but yellow to not a factor if it’s a women.

  11. It is for men. Which is crazy because most dudes get rejected constantly so how do they get experience?

  12. For me, it would not be a red flag or even a yellow flag in the beginning. (Even late 40’s to mid 50’s) I would still want to get to know them personally to understand why and find out if WE were compatible. I’m 53 and have very little ‘dating’ experience. The man I married was my 3rd date to that point (2 dates with one guy, 1 date with another). I went on one official date with my husband before we decided to be a serious exclusive couple. We didn’t date after that, just jumped in to life together. Now that’s he’s passed on, I’ve been on one official date since then. That didn’t work out. Have been asked on others, but turned them down because all messages led to something sexual, all they wanted was a hook up. I don’t do hook ups. When I date, I want to date to marry, not hook up or shack up. I’m not a pretty woman on the outside, but feel like I make up for it on the inside. I am what so many men on here say they want in a wife, except for my looks. I am working on the aspects of it that I can, but refuse to compromise on my values just to have somebody to go out with. So, if a man in his 50’s don’t have a lot of dating experience, I’d assume it was because he wasn’t willing to compromise his values and just couldn’t find a woman that suited him. If I learned I didn’t suit him, I’d move on.

  13. For me it’s not, but I think for most girls it is I’m a guy in that age range and I haven’t dated since high school so I think I‘m somewhat fucked 🫤

  14. No, for both genders. But as a man I was always looked down upon for beginning dating older, around 26. I honestly looked around and saw no one I was interested in dating. No one. I’m not asexual and I have a very strong libido. But the girls I may have pursued, which were few, were already in relationships. And I had other things to focus on such as work.

  16. Nope, I’ve met a lot of pretty great people in their 30s of various genders who don’t have a lot of dating experience. There are a lot of valid reasons people may not have been dating before then. Red flags are more about how they treat other people, carry themselves, and what values they hold.

  17. I’m 38m. 2 years out of a 17 year relationship. I have not dated much. I am a red flag for sure.

  18. Depends entirely on the reason. If they were busy with school, or just were not a very social person I could get past it.

  19. Sure hope not. I don’t have much experience because…I don’t get dates, plain and simple. But I think as a person I’m pretty great.

  21. Depends on the reason. Personally prefer a man who has learned things with relationship experience. I also take breaks from dating so I understand it’s tough

  22. Definitely not. I’d fall into that category. Worked on myself a ton in my 20s, had to focus on grad school, and wouldn’t have been responsible for me to be in a relationship because I couldn’t commit the time and focus.

  23. It’s more of a red flag to me if they don’t have a couple of close friends…

  24. No necessarily, especially if they’ve taken that time and invested it in themselves I actually consider it a major plus

  25. It can be, I guess. But do you really want someone who has a long and checkered past of exes and failure? That’s a red flag too.

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