OK obligatory humblebrags out of the way: I (29M) got together with my girlfriend (30F) a few weeks ago and things got physical very quickly. We’re both very happy with both the quantity and quality of the sexy times, we communicate about our needs/wants (I feel I can be completely open with her which is great because my last relationship I did not) and I want to make sure I am the best boyfriend I can be both inside and outside the bedroom.
One thing she has mentioned is liking rough sex. I know there’s some stuff that’s self-explanatory and I am learning to control the pressure (and surprising myself a little bit with what happens when I let loose completely) but…
There are lots of guides out there for **how to get** a guy to be more rough in bed – lots of stuff about how to communicate, ways to bring up your ideas etc – but there’s not a guide on **being** rough. Being rough in bed doesn’t necessarily come naturally to me (I’m a bit vanilla though I’d say I’m *open* to just about anything) so ideas and suggestions would be very welcome. Just to provide some spontaneity and have us both bring things to the table.
I’m also conscious that I don’t want to go down the pipeline of any “traditional masculinity” manosphere stuff – I’m looking to have a healthy and respectful relationship that just happens to involve a lot of fucking each other’s brains out.
2 comments
Best advice I have is for the choking bit.
A lot of us want you to choke us but it has to be done in a very specific way. When you’re grabbing the throat do NOT put pressure in the middle on the trachea. You want to put pressure on either side of the neck where the arteries are. It’s all about restricted blood flow and not about oxygen deprivation. It creates a lightheaded feeling of euphoria but still allows her to breathe and it’s perfect.
Make sure you have safe words if you plan on getting into the very rough territory. It is never a bad idea. It’s especially helpful when you’re exploring CNC as some of that can be misleading and make it confusing if they really need you to stop. So a safe word is critical for that.
There are so many different ways to be rough in the bedroom but it comes down to what specifically you and your partner want. So that makes it a bit harder to offer a guide when we aren’t sure what exactly you’re going for. If you’ve got any more direct questions I’d be happy to answer but for now those are my top important mentions. Good luck and have fun.
Safe word is a good idea. I like to take a submissive role in the bedroom and kinda have him boss me around and be a little selfish. I probably end up giving him more head and doing more ass stuff than I’d otherwise think of on my own, but that’s what I want — for him to make the sexual decisions. It’s not in his nature per se, but that works for us.