It’s 2am and your partner hasn’t come home, is uncontactable since 4 hours ago. Told you after you left that they went out with people you don’t know. What do you do? Who do you contact?

30 comments

  1. Based on this info, I don’t think there is anything I could do but wait and hope he’s okay. Police wouldn’t do anything. I can’t contact the people he’s with. I could start calling emergency rooms but I’m listed as his ICE so logically if he were hurt they’ll call me.

    Sleep would likely evade me but I’d try to occupy myself and not let my brain spiral until I had reason

    (2am is very late by my partners habits. That’s the only reason I’d be alarmed.)

  2. I’d do nothing and contact no one. They’re with friends, and 2 AM isn’t late for a night out. I wouldn’t even know that they were uncontactable, because I would never try to get in touch with them randomly while they’re out enjoying themselves. Everyone will have different “rules” in their respective relationship, obviously, but I’d personally be furious if I was out with friends and my SO freaked out because we didn’t text for a few hours.

    The only expectation would be a case of emergency, then I guess I’d contact his friends and ask if they knew who he was with and/or where.

  4. At 2AM no one. That’s a normal hour to still be out. I wouldn’t expect her back until like 8AM if she didn’t sleep elsewhere or like afternoonish if she did sleep elsewhere. If she’s not back by then I’d ask her friends if they’ve heard from her.

  5. Depends – was last contact they’re on their way home? If that’s the case I’m calling hospitals. If it was a “don’t wait up ill be late” my ass is asleep, not waiting up.

  6. At 2am? Nothing, they’re probably still out with whoever. I wouldn’t worry unless I woke up the next morning and they still hadn’t come home or checked in. We’re both a bit old for frequent all-night benders these days, but the occasional attempt to pretend we’re 22 again isn’t a huge problem.

  7. Unless they said they’d be home hours ago, why would I be concerned? My husband has a monthly poker game. He tells me he will be home by 11p and it’s 2a, yeah I’ll worry. Is part of the story missing?

  8. This would be really unusual for my husband. Neither of us stay out that late, and we’re always in regular contact and let each other know, ballpark, what we’re gonna be doing when we go out on our own. I’d be concerned unless he’d preemptively told me he’d be out that late.

    Assuming he hadn’t told me he’d be out that late and wouldn’t be texting at all, I think my first step would be trying to contact anyone I know who knows the people he’s out with, or at least getting in contact with friends to see if he’d talked to them in the past four hours (he’s not close with his family so that wouldn’t be fruitful). If that didn’t yield anything, I’d start calling hospitals. If none of that was helpful, I’d probably call the police non-emergency line and explain the situation. Maybe not right away, but definitely if he hadn’t shown up by morning.

    If either of us ever stayed out until 2 am with people the other didn’t know at all and zero communication for hours, I wouldn’t be concerned, but this just isn’t a situation that happens in my life.

  9. I’m sitting frustrated that I haven’t heard from him, but trying to be patient until he comes home. I’ll send some messages to him, hoping he’ll eventually see or answer. Then I’ll probably drifting off to sleep.

  10. I wouldn’t contact anyone. I would go to bed and then we would talk about it tomorrow.

  11. He shared his location without prompt, but I also trust him.

    If he’s not responding the day after, it’s an issue and I’m worried. If it’s just having a night out and he’s away from his phone then I’m not too worried. I don’t know all of his friends, so I’m not gonna fret.

  12. Nothing. I’d be pretty pissed off if my partner started ringing around my friends because I hadn’t come home at 2am.

  13. I call the police. Clearly something is very wrong as i know him very well and hes not this type of person

  14. I’d probably be asleep. I wouldnt contact my partner when they’re out hanging with friends.

  15. This happened to me. Woke up about that time. No call from him, but strange number tried to call me. It was police telling me he was in jail for DUI.

  16. Why do you have to do anything? I mean they’re an adult out with friends, what is there to be so concerned about? Go to bed.

    If they’re not home when you wake up, that’s the time to be concerned. Not because they haven’t returned your texts when you want them to.

  17. I’d leave it until the morning, my partner has gone out on late nights but he would either come home or if he’s slept over elsewhere, he’s usually up and leaving fairly early. I’d try calling again if he wasn’t home in the morning.

    If they still weren’t contactable by say 10am the next morning, then I’d start to be worried. I’d check his last location (we have location sharing on). I’d maybe start calling a few friends (as he’d always tell me who he was out with in advance). If it was really established that he was missing, I’d call the non-emergency police line and get some cues from them about what to do.

  18. It would be weird, because my husband doesn’t go out without me due to social anxiety.
    It’s more realistic that I would be the on being away long.

    But if my husband would be out so long, I wouldn’t do anything because he’s usually quite careful, capable to protect himself and our country is pretty safe.

  20. I go to bed and hope I wake up to them in the morning. I might worry a bit, but we’re adults.

  21. If it were my first husband I would have been upset because I know damn well what he would be up to.

    My current husband, I would be a tad worried that he probably hasn’t eaten anything so I would prepare him a snack and leave it out for him to find, and that I hope he doesn’t wake up the dog when he finally gets home.

  23. I would contact his father and his best friend, after 5 hours I would definitely contact the police and ask for advice.

  25. 2am?? I’m sleeping. I’d probably stop caring when it hits like 10:00pm

  27. If 4 hours ago is when they told me they’re going out with friends, I’d assume they’re still out, and just go to bed. If they’re not there when I wake up, I’d start to get worried.

    If 4 hours ago is when they said they’re on their way home, then I’d probably be worried after the first hour or 2. But if I don’t know these people, and don’t know where they are, there aren’t really any contact numbers for me to call.

  28. How old is your partner? Do you trust them to behave? Do you trust them to handle themselves? Seems like the answer is no.

  29. That happened to me before, I was very worried but I didn’t do anything. He came home an hour later telling me that his phone died and they saw a guy standing on the edge of a bridge and spent a long time trying to talk him down while they waited for the police.

  30. This would totally depend on how the arrangement between you and your SO works. Some people have lifestyles that include partying late into the night without a lot of notice or contact.

    That’s not something me or my spouse do. So if he went for beers and didn’t turn up at 2AM and there was no contact, I would be reaching out to local hospitals and law enforcement, because it would indicate something had gone very wrong.

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