Hi all
I need some genuine advice on what to do in this situation because I feel very stuck.
I’m a 25 year old trans man and my wife is 26, she is also trans. We have been together for 3 years and have recently got married, we are both on hormones too. At first I wasn’t bothered about her going on hormones because I just wanted her to be happy, which she definitely is but it’s massively affecting our sex life, especially for me as I’m on the receiving end, so to speak.
She barely cums anymore and when she does it takes ages for me to get her off or herself. she doesn’t stay hard, she can’t get it in and if she does it just slips out again, hormones have made her shrink as well which means that when she’s inside me, I can barely feel her now. Sex just feels like a chore and I don’t enjoy it. Also because of our hormones we have completely different sex drives, mine being way higher than hers. She never comes on to me anymore or initiates sex and I just feel like I’m annoying her when I tell her I’m horny. I have to rely on porn a lot to make me feel good.
It’s becoming a real problem and it’s dragging me down. I love everything about her, she is an amazing person but sex used to be so much better and now I just feel like this is how it’s going to be from now on. Sexually I’m not satisfied at all anymore apart from when she gives me head. We talk all the time and I know that some of it upsets her and frustrates her as she’s told me before, but then she just brushes it off and says “I know”
Am I being selfish for wanting better sex? She’s not willing to come off hormones and I would never make her do that but something needs to change.
3 comments
[removed]
I don’t know if the hormones are the issue here, so I would not talk about it. rather i would address your issue from the perspective of two who have boring unsatisfying sex.
The sexual problems you listed above are common to most people. The best approach at this point is to immediately stop trying to always have penetrative sex and focus on the giving and receiving of pleasure without intercourse. It is vital for both of you to reframe sex as something relaxing and sensually pleasing rather than a goal or chore. Take time to fully explore all the non-penetrative things you both enjoy, and have fun experimenting. Only return to intercourse when your confidence has come back – and even then think of penetration as a side attraction rather than the “main event”.
It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with your hormonal changes, but it stands to reason that it does. Every person I’ve met in my life who has had changes made to their hormone levels, whether it’s men on steroids, women on the pill, or trans people, all have had an impact on their sex lives. And not for the better.