I just started dating someone new and she is making me really happy. The other day she showed me a picture of her wearing a sheer jumpsuit and said “ my last couple bfs had a problem with me wearing this- would you?”. I didn’t answer then bc the question was framed as a comparison to her exs” and I didn’t feel like exploring my feelings within that context. The effect of the jumpsuit is as though she is walking down the street in a g string as it is totally see through. It’s not my business if she wants to wear revealing clothes- cleavage or figuring hugging clothes but totally see through is just crazy. I wouldn’t like a woman’s bikini pictures on instagram bc that’s how a single man behaves and I’m not single anymore. In the same spirit walking around 90% naked is the behaviour of a single woman. I feel disrespected and I think this is a boundary for me in terms of monogamy. I’ve taken some time to reflect so I could respond and not react. I’ve also asked advice from some female friends. I’m going to raise it with her tonight and try to explain how it makes me feel bc it seems she doesn’t get it. Do you think I am being crazy? I want this to work but if she insists on wearing things like that I can’t continue with her.
28 comments
Just move on
She Doesn’t care about your opinion
I’m a woman…I don’t think you’re wrong. You should set a boundary of respectfulness in a relationship. If you don’t like that kind of attire and that’s her choice, then move on.
There is no way I would be cool with that. She’s almost 30. It’s time for her to grow up. If she doesn’t want to, then leave.
>*I want this to work*
Yeah, but **it’s not going to!**
Your new gf has an abnormal need for negative attention. How many fights, how much disrespect, how much ***fucking DRAMA*** are you going to be bringing into your life just to date this “attention ‘ho”?!? Just, please, NO!
It’s already time to move on. She’s shown you WHO she is…believe her and demand better for yourself than this woman.
Ive been down voted quite bad before for saying this but I feel it’s completely disrespectful to wear essentially nothing while in a relationship (cleavage, skin tight close not included), but see through stuff I would never accept. Many women will call you insecure, however, I feel it is a completely acceptable boundary to have in a relationship. If she cares more about male validation/attention than you, consider it a win if she leaves
I would have responded with something along the lines of “well I’m not surprised that they had a problem with you wearing that, because it’s not street attire. You might as well wear nothing. It’s just a matter of respect towards the person you’re out with”.
You don’t need to go into more detailed explanations, if she has any common sense she’ll understand. If she has a problem with this answer, oh well, then she’s not someone you want to have in your life anyway.
You’re allowed to have boundaries and preferences. So long as you aren’t shaming her for hers, you’re good.
She’s clearly looking for someone that doesn’t have an issue with her dressing scantily. If that’s not you, let ‘er loose.
She’s allowed to wear whatever she wants, you’re allowed to break up with her if you’re uncomfortable with it.
If her style is a deal breaker for you, then you two aren’t compatible and that’s the end of the story. Instead of trying to change her or police what she wears, find a partner that dresses more modest and she can find one who doesn’t mind how much skin she chooses to show.
Whether it’s for attention or just her preference, she likes to dress a certain way. It’s not your job to “fix it” if she doesn’t want to change. There are plenty of fish in the sea and certainly many who are more in-line with your beliefs. Don’t try and force something when it will end in one of y’all being unhappy. There are plenty of things that can be compromised on, but if neither of you want to budge it’s probably better to move on. It just depends on how passionate you both are on this particular issue.
If your parents saw you out and about with her like that, would you be able to handle it? Good boundary to place. Maybe tell her within that context and if she doesnt understand it’s really not your problem anymore. Not your fault for trying but might be a complete miss with her.
Not worth the drama. She is the pick me/ look at me girl. That’s fine for her, but not when in a relationship.
I disagree that dressing 90% naked is a single person’s way to dress. That is her fashion sense and has no problem with others seeing her body. That you disagree with how she dresses is a boundary for you, not her, and you are entitled to have that boundary, and it isn’t unreasonable. I would feel the same. But it just doesn’t seem like you are compatible, and you may want to rethink your future.
Test after me: anyone is allowed to wear whatever they want and I don’t have to like it, and it’s completely ok if they stop liking me after I’ve expressed my opinion about their clothes.
I believe you are controlling but that’s par for the course when it comes to women wanting to dress how they want to dress.
I think it’s better to just recognise that the two of you are incompatible instead of trying to change her.
Its ok for her to dress that way and its okay for you to choose to not date people who dress that way.
This is too much drama for this stage of a relationship.
Everything is all good.
It’s early. She can dress as she pleases. You don’t have to stick around for it if you aren’t comfortable.
It’s not a judgement on you at all. In your place I’d walk away but I wouldn’t be mean about it. Just “hope you can find a guy who likes that”.
It’s called being an exhibitionist. Some people just love showing off their body and getting attention from it. There isn’t anything wrong with it (unless she gets overly public about it and exposes herself to minors). It doesn’t even have to mean that she wants to get with other people. But…. she might need to be with someone who can support her behavior to make her happy. It has the potential to lead to somewhere fun for you both, but it certainly isn’t for everyone.
All you can truly do is understand what your boundaries are in a relationship, communicate them clearly, and let her decide if she can stick to them in order to be with you and be happy.
I feel it’s disrespectful to others in society in a major way. Kids and society don’t need to be exposed to hyper sexuality in that way in normal day to day life. It has nothing to do with being single or dating or married. I just think that type of dress in a day to day environment is extreme. I’d say that I’d be incompatible with someone like that as (to me) it borders on a type of exhibitionism that is not my preferred lifestyle. I agree with others who say it shows a *pick me* mentality.
It’s ok to have values, morals, beliefs. It’s ok for them to not align with everyone. It’s ok to push boundaries, if that’s what makes you comfortable but it would not make me comfortable for reasons that have nothing to do with her commitment to your relationship but rather her interaction with society as a whole. I guess I’m more old fashioned and think that you should save something for yourself and your significant other that you don’t show the world, but different strokes and all that.
She likes to dress like this and it appears it is important to her. That’s totally fine. But it also appears to not be in line with your values, which is also totally fine. Not every relationship works out.
I disagree with those saying this is “disrespectful” to you. It does seem like she wants a reaction hence she asked you the way she did and so maybe she isn’t that mature. But also she clearly has also done this before and it’s important to her so this really isn’t about you. Move on.
You don’t get to tell her how to dress. You do get to decide what you can and can’t handle in your relationship. If you don’t like how she dresses, nothing wrong with that at all, but it’s probably just time to cut ties. These differences in perspective usually get worse, not better, with time.
I dress like your girlfriend sometimes (when the time/place is right). While I wouldn’t change that for anybody, I’d understand if somebody couldn’t handle it and I’d take that as a sign of incompatibility and we could both move on with no hard feelings.
A lot of guys would find it super hot. If that’s not you, tell her.
She can wear whatever she wants and not have a bf.
Respecting your partner is usually a good idea
Honestly, I’m less weirded out by her clothing choices than I am by the manipulative mind game she’s playing with you. Like, what is she trying to accomplish, here? Does she actually want to dress like that, or is she just trying to upset you?
No. U have a right to like or dislike anything u want. How long have u been together?
Huh? Where the hell would you even wear this? A club/rave?
The other guys were smart and left her. You shouldn’t play high school games with a woman pushing 30. I wouldn’t even acknowledge her stupidity.
Your last sentence sums up everything. You’re okay with her doing that, but she’ll do it single. Relationships have boundaries
She’s allowed to dress in the clothes she wants to
You’re allowed to not want your partner wearing some types of clothes
Neither of you are in the wrong here. If a compromise can’t be reached, then it will only continue to be a problem, if the relationship continues
“My last boyfriends had a problem with that, but you don’t, right?”
She exactly knows you do. Who wouldn’t? I am a feminist and all for letting het wear whatever she wants, but lets face it. We women don’t wear see through because we are proud of our body, we are doing it for attention from a future partner.