He (M24) says I (F21) goes on about our relationship and that it’s annoying.
I personally enjoy talking about the future and it makes me feel more secure. I thought we were on the same page regarding our future timeline of marriage etc and just found out that it wasn’t the case and he didn’t really know what he wanted anymore. I didn’t want to let this linger as it was bothering me and wanted to finish talking about this before going to bed. We ended up talking about it for around 30 minutes and he told me that this was extremely annoying and that no man wants to talk about relationships this much and that he’s never been with a woman who wanted to this much.
I feel like if I was reassured I wouldn’t be even upset about this in the first place and am just doing this because I care and want a future with him. I do feel like I need reassurance more and have expressed that to him. I want to know that I am wanted and have told him that a simple text confirming that in the week can help that. He says that he’s trying but that he feels like it’s forced if he has to say it all the time. Am I asking for too much if I need that maybe once a week or a couple times a month?
Can men of Reddit please share if you do actually find talking about the future and about your relationship annoying?
Tl;dr: boyfriend thinks me wanting to talk about our relationship and about our future is annoying and doesn’t like that I need a lot of reassurance
11 comments
What are you doing to manage your anxiety?
Did you have this kind of anxiety BEFORE you met him?
He doesn’t want to talk about your relationship, he thinks the idea of showing you love once a week is too much to ask (this shouldn’t need to be asked for in the first place), and he doesn’t know what he wants out of a future with you anymore.
He’s losing interest in you.
Info about how long you’ve been together and such would be helpful, if you’ve been together 6 months and are always wanting to talk about the future and marriage that’s a bit different than being three years in or something.
Talking about it every week seems exhausting. If you’re secure in your relationship nothing should have changed since last week regarding your future plans. So I can see a bit where he might be coming from there. Or did I read that wrong?
Talking about the future is a normal part of being in a serious relationship, but I also think that it’s the sort of thing that (in my experience anyway) couples talk about occasionally, and is not a super frequent topic of discussion. In particular, I can see how a partner frequently seeking reassurance about the future would be tiring after a while. Like, if you have had talks about the future and are on the same page about what you want, then bringing it up over and over to get reassurance sort of starts to make the relationship feel more shaky, and like you don’t take your bf seriously when he expresses positivity about your future together. It’s difficult to say from an outsider’s perspective, because it all depends on the frequency and intensity of the talks, and how often you’re looking for reassurance. But I think you need to make sure there is a balance there.
What exactly were you talking about for 30 minutes
Sounds like he isn’t as interested in the relationship as he used to be.
I find it annoying to be forced to talk about things that don’t involve me. It sounds like he thinks that when you’re talking about your future, it doesn’t involve him. Take that for what you will.
My bf loves talking about the future with me. We’re 1 year together. My bf also has stated very clearly that he wants to marry me eventually and we talked about what our timeline was.
To me this sounds like your bf isn’t looking at a future with you. If you feel unloved or he’s not meeting you half way it won’t work. I would find someone who does see a future with you.
What does reassurance look like for you? Like, do you want a text once a week where he says, “I love you,” or is it something else? I think clarifying exactly what behavior you’re looking for would be helpful here.
What is your timeline for marriage and kids? You both sound too young to be thinking about it.
It does sound like you need reassurance more than average. I would focus on knowing that you’ll be just fine if you two break up. Chances are at your age you’ll break up, find someone better, and then look back wondering why you were even with him for that long.
It’s only annoying if you don’t see a future with that person and you don’t want to do no more than you have to. Your boyfriend is showing you and telling you in so many words that he is not that into you and it sounds like it is time to find you a dude that fits what you want