I have had several partners tell me this: “Well if you have to use lube that means you’re turned off, what am I doing that’s not attractive to you?”
First off, some of us gals are frickin nervous, I am nervous, and as much as foreplay can be fun it just doesn’t work for me when I’m nervous. I am NOT turned off! The fact that some people take offense if I go for lube to make sure I’m wet enough to not be in discomfort during sex is jarring to me. If a guy loses his erection I don’t take that as them being turned off I usually take it as them being nervous or their mind might be somewhere else, who knows, but I don’t jump to the offense and get angry.
Why is it so taboo to reach for lube? It frustrates me as someone who struggles to get wet, and I want to know why this quick jump reaction is so common.
44 comments
>”Well if you have to use lube that means you’re turned off, what am I doing that’s not attractive to you?”
thats the moment you realize your partner is not as smart as you thought and act accordingly.
Using lube during sex is normal and common, and it doesn’t mean someone is turned off. Let’s break the taboo!
I feel there’s this whole idea of making someone wet just by your actions and lack of knowledge about vaginas, how they work, a lot of taboo regarding vaginal and vulvar pleasure as sex is penis centered most of the times… So yeah, it’s really frustrating and infuriating. I use lube a lot, like every time I have sex, and my partner knows and has experienced how easy things go with just including it into our regular sexual activity.
Why are guys so dumb sometimes like man your still going to get your dick wet please let the girl use her lube lol š
Yeah I don’t understand it either. Lube is our friend. Not our enemy lol.
I love lube! Does work wonders around that time of the month as well, as blood does make it that awful water-like tough wetness that does more harm than good.
For all those who are reluctant: Lube is your ally, not your enemy!
> Why is it so taboo to reach for lube?
Itās not! Sorry youāve been with bonehead guys. Most know itās uncorrelated.
It is literally ignorance, you nailed it with the analogy of some women thinking if a guy loses an erection that he is not turned on or attracted to his partner. Genitals have a mind of their own sometimes. People gotta learn that.
Any partner who gets bent out of shape about the inclusion of any of the following in the bedroom:
Lube,
Toys,
Birth Control,
Towels or Tissues,
Visual Aids
… isn’t a partner worth having sex with.
The same is true for partners who freak out at you for watching porn or masturbating on your own time.
Sex isn’t some sacred, mystical act. It’s fun and sometimes dirty. It’s therapeutic. Anything and everything that can be used to enhance the experience for either partner (baring the breaking of boundaries related to mental trauma, physical discomfort, or sexual orientation) should be welcomed and embraced.
Talk to your partners, establish common interests, and enjoy. If you don’t share many common interests, move on.
I think this goes without saying that many men are still lacking in the most basic understanding of female anatomy and sexual function. What he believes and men like him believes also, are very immature and not how female arousal works. And every woman is different. There are some that gets so very very wet, but yet aren’t aroused. Some are very very aroused and not wet. Some only gets wet, during sexual activity. And some only gets wet after an orgasm or two or four. And some don’t even get wet at all but are very aroused. It’s all subjective.
Lack of sex education I keep lube stocked in my room because anything can cause a bit of dryness including a little dehydration.
Lube should absolutely be destigmatized. I completely agree. I would advise (if you’re even looking for it) that you bring out the lube or bring it up in conversation before the clothes come off if you want less surprise. That will probably alleviate 98% of your hassle.
Somebody who finds lube taboo isnāt someone worth your time.
Oh how I wish I had known about lube when I was younger. I totally thought it was only for old farts.
(All of that was before the internet though. One would hope that at least some true information is spread on modern media, besides all the garbage.)
My wife and I use lube all the time… especially for quickies, but there are lots of other fun ways too!
> Why is it so taboo to reach for lube?
Ultimately, I think it’s the old male insecurity – am I doing it right? Is she enjoying it? If her body doesn’t react the way I think arousal works, it must mean that I’m doing it wrong.
After all, if you’re nervous, they’re probably nervous too!
Frame it as a positive, and you’re halfway there. He wants you to be happy. He’s just got the wrong idea in his head. Presume that they want the best, but don’t know better.
At least I hope we’re talking about a man here. If it’s a woman, it’s even sadder in some ways.
Iāve only seen the use of lube discouraged when men are lazy or selfish lovers and instead of doing any foreplay would just grab lube and get going. In that case I would see how lube is used negatively, as a shortcut to sex that only benefits the man.
The idea that the amount of wetness = level of horniness/arousal is extremely frustrating. Iāve literally had to ādefendā myself by supplying supporting evidence (links to articles) that confirm degree of wetness doesnāt always directly relate to arousal.
God forbid these people try to have anything but PIV sex.
Lube is a blessing.
Uh it also dries up down their with more friction. God us vagina owners cannot win. Too wet or too dry like we have products to make it work.
It’s a similar to question to “Why to so many guys loose their shit over a women using a vibe during PIV when so many need clitoral stimulation?”
Most of the porn and media out there depicts woman as being wet and ready and all orgasms originating from the penis and nowhere else.
The short answer is your manās ego is the biggest thing heās packing.
Lube is not your issue. Your partners are.
Because most men donāt know shit about womenās bodies or womenās pleasure
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I struggle with an eating disorder and I am mostly dehydrated. Lube is an essential for me… If a partner can’t handle that, then we shouldn’t have sex.
Some dudes just don’t know much about female anatomy because parents are too timid to talk to their kids about sex. It’s not your fault and not theirs either. That being said. Maybe let dudes know beforehand? I feel like Come As You Are should be required reading in the last year of HS curriculum for all students.
Just remind him that you (likely) put on makeup, painted your nails, wore that perfume he likes, and applied other substances to your body to turn him on and attract himā¦ and he has probably has no problem with those, right?
If itās a little bit to get the ball rolling, or a whole shit ton because something is going in where it wonāt without itā¦ Lube is fucking awesome.
Mid 30s lady here. It’s either all the moisture or none, regardless of how turned on I may be. So lube is my friend.
For context, Iām a gay man so lube is much more common and basically assumed to be used when we discuss sex. I think it comes down to insecurity and anxieties about not being good enough.
It frustrates me to no end how straight folks basically have to do this insecure dance around using lube. Iāve had to coach a few of my friends on this. It makes penetrative sex easier, more enjoyable and I wish we could move beyond the idea that if you donāt have sex in one of these prescribed ways youāre somehow doing it incorrectly.
Some of the best sex advice I ever got was to always offer lube to the ladies for no reason other than to take the pressure off of them to have to feel required to produce natural lube – which they can’t control. This is the female mental equivalent of a guy feeling like he needs to be rock hard on demand, more likely this gets him stuck in his head which only makes it worse. Aka performance anxiety
Taboo because of insecurities. Lube is such an enhancer though, your partners are repressing themselves into missing out
My ex was horrific about this. I’ve only been with two guys and he had only been with me. He made me feel like absolute crap because my body wasn’t responding the way he thought it should.
Wetness= Arrousal. Which just isn’t true for everyone. I could literally orgasm by myself and not get wet.
Lube is perfectly natural, and tbh, for girls like me, it takes the pressure off since a douchebag has left me with some trauma around this area.
My current boyfriend is super chill. He’ll suggest it when things aren’t cooperating. I was devastated the first time, I thought for sure he’d be mad at me since I wasn’t getting wet. “It’s no biggie, you still want to have sex right?” Is what he asked me. I was elated because finally it wasn’t me trying to explain to someone that I’m still into it, even if I wasn’t getting wet.
It’s astonishing to me the amount of people who just think women can get SOAKED everytime with zero issues. Kudos to the women who can, but a lot of just can’t sometimes.
Honestly it annoyed me when guys would say āwow you are already really wetā as if they donāt have to do anything to me now because Iām ready. Men SKIP foreplay with me because Iām already soaked like no dude I just make a lot of it for some reason. I see the issue with both being to wet and not being wet enough, people just have to communicate better. Also, Iāve been not turned on AT ALL yet I still end up like a water slide down there.
If anything it tells you who not to have sex with anymore. If a man is only interested in foreplay just to make you wetter so HE can fuck RED FLAG, if a man gets mad because you need lube, RED FLAG. Also tells you he dosent know how bodies work.
I dumped a guy pretty quickly over this. Donāt have time for a guy whoās insecure about lube
It isn’t taboo. It’s ignorance. Though often related they for sure aren’t the same thing.
When my wife and I had sex the first time, she told me straight up that she doesn’t get very wet no matter how turned on she is, and that we’d be needing lube. I happily obliged, and have kept a big bottle on the nightstand for 20 years now.
Let’s put this one to rest. We’re not machines, men or women. Sometimes our bodies don’t cooperate with our thoughts and feelings. Lube is a cheap simple solution to a very common problem.
Weed does 2 things to me. I get horny, but I also get dry, don’t produce enough or thin enough lubrication. I’ll use lube. It helps me stay comfortable. Your man may feel like he’s inadequate. Assure him that he’s not. My lady thought that she was not doing something right. She was beyond fine. It’s just the way my body works. Not your fault. Make him a cup of coffee and ask him to let you talk until you say you are done. Than do the same for him. Communication is important.
I’ve been married 20 years. We’ve been using lube since our honeymoon. It’s amazing. It’s one thing we don’t run out of and I take some along every time we stay somewhere, you know, just in case.
Sometimes we just get so worn out that the wetness goes away, and once it does then there’s pain and then the wet ain’t coming back. Lube is a life saver, especially for shower sex
I hate that, I am a chronically DRY girlie itās not my fault and it has nothing to do with the situation
It might be a blow to their ego. I think it’s extremely immature and shows the majority of their sexual knowledge comes from porn. Major turn-off.
My wife and I use lube every time
My partners tend to run large – self professed size queen here. I use lube during sex every time.
How is that taboo? I thought it was normal…