Would you ever consider a relationship with a partner who’s in the military? Why or why not?

38 comments

1. I would I don’t necessarily see it as a deal breaker or anything depends how well I get on with the person.

2. I would. It doesn’t matter actually.

3. Personally, no. I wouldn’t want to have to deal with my partner being deployed a lot of the time and I honestly just don’t feel comfortable in that atmosphere.

   I’ve got friends who are in the military and it’s not a culture I feel comfortable with.

4. No, bc we’d have completely different ideologies. 🙂

5. No. It’s not the lifestyle I want. Uniform pics is a good idea because then I would know to immediately move on.

6. No, only because I prefer a partner who is home and not traveling most of the time and I wouldn’t want to have to uproot home and job periodically.

7. My grandpa and father were from the military and I have to say their culture is simply too toxic – at least in my country. They usually try to create a feelings of brotherhood through humiliation and violence and this is the kind of thing that leaves it’s marks on ppl and their family.

   I know I wrong to make this generalization, but I just don’t want to take chances and repeat the clycle.

8. Both military and police would be a hard no.

   Go for the profile pic. No point in hiding it, I don’t see any downsides. The women who find it attractive or are indifferent to it will know immediately, and so will the ones who considers it a dealbreaker.

9. Personally no. The lifestyle isn’t for me.

10. I was in the opposite position, I’m out now though. I wouldn’t recommend it only because after seeing what my wife went through, it kills me. The time away, sporadic schedule and all the headaches that come with the military, it’s just not worth it.

11. I did, and I am. He’s out but still work in the private military field as a special applications operator. Basically the privatized version of special forces. The lifestyle is unruly at best, but I will say that the money affords is a lot of leisure, extreme amounts of comfort, and lavish vacations.

    We’re in a small minority and I’m aware of that, so I can’t speak for the majority demographic, but I’ve been through probably 15 contracts now ranging from 10 weeks to 6 months. It sucks, but he’s not traditional military so it’s pretty different for us

12. No. I wouldn’t be willing to deal with the lifestyle. If I were okay with an SO being away a lot of/most of the time, I’d honestly rather just be single.

    Photos in uniform on a dating profile would actively repel me, as someone who wouldn’t date a person in the military, but they’d attract some women. Regardless, you’re in the military, so you only want to date people who are cool with that. Seems good to get it out there early on.

13. Nope. Never. I have never met a decent military man so personally no.

14. For me, this is going to depend very heavily on personal values and political beliefs.

    If joining the military was his only ticket to upward socioeconomic mobility, but overall disagrees with what our country’s military does, then we could have an interesting conversation about that. Also, he’d have to have already been discharged. I wouldn’t date someone who was actively serving – I’d like to have someone who’s around more often.

15. When I was younger, I did. Knowing what I know now, I sincerely doubt I could be compatible with someone in any branch of the military, largely because I’m extremely skeptical of the military as an institution. I’ve watched as several friends and a couple of family members got drawn in by post 9/11 propaganda, stood proudly by as they signed up to serve their country, and then watched them get chewed up and spit out by the war machine.

    Most people want a partner who is understanding and supportive of their career, and I could never, ever go back to being that way for a service member..

16. Depends on what they do; I have friends who are scientists and engineers who work for the defence force. I don’t anyone who is actively in the military. But I think the thought is different in the US vs Aus.

17. Big no. The culture is way too toxic and similar to police.

18. It depends.
    I could live with the frustrations of military life with a good partner.
    I couldn’t live with the emotional toll on me or our relationship if my partner is emotionally shut down or disconnected – which is, I’ve learned, something military life fosters.

19. probably not. i’ve had a boyfriend in the air force before and it was absolutely horrible. his work friends were awful too. rude, arrogant, sometimes racist and god damn were they sexist.

    plus, i work most weekends and sometimes weird hours so anyone who’s completely unavailable during the week and only home on weekends isn’t a good fit.

    the only reason i’d even consider it is a close friend of mine leading with great example. he’s an aircraft mechanic and just about the sweetest person i know. if it weren’t for him and my brother, i would stay as far away from military as possible.

20. Ay! One for me.
    Ask me this years back and i would say hell no. But since then I have a partner who is the most amazing human. He just also happens to be in the military. It’s just his job, it’s not who he is. There are good and bad people of every single profession, and giving the blanket statement of a red flag on all military personnel just isn’t fair.

    That being said, it’s distance and a lot of time by yourself, and you need to know if you can handle it. Some days are better and easier than others. You’ve gotta be resilient, or learn to be in my case.

21. It’s an entire lifestyle and it will be difficult for you to have a career or get an education, thus making you more dependent on him. I met some wonderful people in the military but just know it’s limiting for the spouses.

22. absolutely not . everyone in my life who i know was in the military has abused me . no military and no police .

23. If I liked them already, probably. If I’m looking at a dating profile and they make a point to highlight it, probably not.

    I don’t dislike soldiers inherently. My dad’s a Vietnam vet, and I work with many vets in my field. They can be a versatile group in many ways, one common thread though is that military training ingrains the mentality that being a solider is a huge part of, if not their entire personality. It’s really hard to get out of that mindset, as many vets will tell you.

    I usually don’t get along (at least romantically) with people who make one thing their whole deal. It’s the nature of the military, so I don’t blame the individual for that, but it’s just not my vibe. That isn’t just with military personnel; I like sports and working out but guys who literally cannot get into/talk about anything else are a no for me.

24. I did twice. Good men, horrible partners. 3/10 wouldn’t recommend

25. No. PTSD, night terrors and other things that comes with that job are no joke.

26. Not the lifestyle I want to have. Also not something I am at all used to.

27. Not if they were deployed and in dangerous situations. If they were a behavior analyst or in an Office type job, sure.

28. I was dating someone who is going to the marines and we still talk. The military is a huge reason why I broke up with him. We are on different side of the political spectrum and I was worried about what would happen to him. He didn’t think about the impact joining the marines would have on our relationship. He just expected me to go with it. I was worried they’d take advantage of him and worse case he’d end up dead. A lot of it was him being pressured by his adoptive uncle who was also a marine. My ex said he wanted to be more like his uncle. I would not date someone like his uncle so I dumped him. We are in good terms now and hang out, but the marines absolutely took any small issue our relationship had and magnified it. I wouldn’t have even dated him if I knew he wanted to go into the military. So in short no. I avoid it like the plague

29. I grew up a Marine brat, so no. I’ve since grown up and had sincere conversations with my mom about being an Officer’s wife for almost 20 years and she had so much underappreciated responsibilities to the squadron’s families and ridiculous expectations from my father while he was on deployment.

    Plus, let’s not forget the 30k marine soldiers subscribed to a secret Facebook group dedicated to sharing photos of female service members in the shower or dressing…. Thirty *thousand*. The toxic sexism isn’t a bug, it’s a feature of the military.

30. No, I don’t think men in the military are inhenretly bad, but we would just have very different core values.

31. No. My dad is in the military and I spent years waiting for phone calls or jumping every time the doorbell rang wondering if my dad was dead. I will not put myself through that again.

32. NOPE. As a female veteran, HARD no.

33. Nope. Toxic culture which bleeds into the home life. The spouse just isn’t in the military, you are expected to believe their bullshit too & cheer them on as they go out to get murdered or murder. Youre expected to do/believe everything as the military wants you to, in all aspects of your life. Then when you are used up, injured or have mental health issues, they want to either deny your treatment or give you substandard care. Fuck the military. It’s a cult. It’s a gang.

34. I was in the military so yes I would date a veteran but not active duty. I wouldn’t put up a picture in uniform but I would maybe mention it in your bio or bring it up sooner than later.

35. No. We would be fundamentally and totally incompatible, both lifestyle-wise and as human beings.

36. I was in the military and I wouldn’t recommend it, even for me it was hard to date someone that was none military because it was like this disconnect and it was like they didn’t understand certain things.

37. Hard no. Current and former military are a solid no. I’ve dated a few through the years, from different countries no less, and no.

    I’m aware I’ve met a small subset, but I’m the end they’ve all ended up cheating, lying, and/or abusive trash.

    Same with police. Nope. Not happening.

38. I spent my husbands entire 23 year USMC career with him. It’s not easy, and definitely not for everyone.

    He’s retired now… but when I say I watched my husband leave for war and he came home,but the man I watched leave didn’t it’s real.
    War messes with their head/
    He’s seen things that he has never discussed with me and he’s been retired 14 years.