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25 comments

1. [deleted]

2. I started dating again last week after 2 months break and goddamn I hate it. I’m getting a fair number of dates, I have 3 lined up for next week and had 2 this weekend (Friday and Saturday) and both were so underwhelming, so… not my thing… sigh.

   I’m just so tired, its so tiring to be doing this at age 36 🙁

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4. had a date yesterday, and she was cool to let me walk her back to her car while it was the middle of the afternoon. I get the whole “can I trust this person? we just met”, so I was a bit taken back when she was cool with that.

   ​

   It probably helps that she was up for meeting again.

5. Deleted for privacy

6. Does anyone else hate when a date feels like an interview as opposed to organic conversation where information is revealed? Idk, I’ve been on dates recently where I feel like I’m being interrogated.

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8. I ruined a relationship because of my anxious attachment – almost half a year. We clicked so hard and then once my anxiety started kicking in, I began to push boundaries and become desperate. I thought I was fighting an invisible enemy but I was just fighting myself. To the end, he kept coming by and taking care of me but he was pulling away . On the last night I thought it was all his fault and blamed him and said so many awful things even though he was coming over with dinner and to talk about everything and I just blew up and forced him out. The worst thing is he didn’t even fight me back, he just took it and still came over to check on me before leaving two times to make sure I looked okay.

   Really just hate myself right now. There wasn’t a malicious bone in his body and my mind warped everything into being a threat.

9. How did I just have the best first date of my entire life when I swore to myself that I’d pack in the dating thing for at least a couple of months? And most importantly, how do I not get my hopes up?! I really don’t fancy another disappointment right now, especially because this just seems too good to be true.

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11. This isn’t much of a story but I feel like writing this down! There is a guy in my friend group who recently became single. We aren’t particularly close with each other because the entire time I’ve known him he’s been in a relationship – so it’s more of a friends of friends situation. Lately he has been texting me (individually) on and off, and I just can’t shake this gut feeling I have. I know he needs time to heal, so I definitely won’t say anything. And who even knows if he’s even attracted/could be interested in me….sometimes I wish I could read minds! But I guess time will tell.

12. “my” guy is getting back from a work trip today and already suggested we go to dinner tomorrow night, the absolute soonest we could possibly see each other. we’ve made these exact plans a thousand times before, but guess who will be spending the afternoon trying on every cute outfit she owns???

13. My cousin, who’s the same age as me, just got engaged. He’s the first of our generation to do so. He’s always been more relationship-oriented. I straight-up didn’t date for a long time, whereas he’s always been happier in a relationship and sought them out.

    I’m happy for him. Just hoping this doesn’t put pressure on me from the family.

14. I’ve realized I’m making the same mistakes with my former coworker as I was last year, having fun with her in person but by text being too insistent on meeting up, especially when she deals with her chronic pain issues. Last year she moved several dates due to this and while she tried to reschedule I saw her every day and she wasn’t ok, she stopped rescheduling and I tried to make it happen until we stopped talking for a long time. Probably my fault, now I see. But now she came back, left the job and we’ve been talking a lot lately, had plans for the weekend but again is dealing with her problems. My initial reaction, besides some empathy words of course, was to tell her to let me now when she’s down to meet. Unsurprisingly she hasn’t answered.

    How can I be more supportive? And at the same time make sure she knows I want to keep talking, especially since we won’t see each other every day now

15. I (30M) went on a first date yesterday morning with a woman (28F) I met on Hinge. I thought it went well and I asked if she wanted to go out again at the end of the date and she said yes. I texted her yesterday evening with a post-date “I had a great time getting to know you a bit today. Have a good rest of your weekend” text but haven’t heard anything back yet. She is a slow texter in general (took up a day to reply in the app/texting at times but with long paragraphs), but I am starting to think she is just not interested and was just being nice when I asked her out again after the date.

    Usually women I’ve dated in the past will respond to these texts “I had a great time too” or something to that effect. If I don’t hear anything back by tonight, I’m pretty much going to cut my losses and move on.

    Do you all think this is the right move? Or should I try reaching out again (the dreaded double text) with more specific date proposal since I said I would keep in touch about it?

16. I think my commitment issues are making me self sabotage and feel scared about putting all my eggs in one basket.

    So I (GNC 31) decided to get back into OLD for the first time in a year a month and a half ago. I was aiming to find people interested in LTR but I was also sure realistically I would be more likely to find people who wanted to do casual or FWB so I wasn’t really closed off to anything. Specially because I’m not in a rush, the plan was to meet lots of people, date around, give opportunities and see if anything special comes along.

    The third person I went on a date with, turned out to be amazingly funny and interesting. We had our fifth date last night and I had an amazing time. He’s really easy to talk to, always has a conversation topic, and is very creative and playful overall. We’ve discussed important topics to me relating to traditional gender roles within relationships, I wanted to bring these up because I’m a very queer gender non conforming person and he’s always identified as a straight cisgender man. Yesterday he even shared that he’s been reflecting a lot about how straight he really is since he’s really attracted to me as a person and has gotten a glimpse as to what my gender identity actually means out there in the world and it’s definitely not in line with his experience with the people he’s dated before.

    I had already stopped using hinge after the 4th date with him cause I was feeling a little overwhelmed with multi dating 3 other people and getting closer to him. But I think I’m ready to admit to myself that I like this dude way more than I like any of the other people I’ve been casually seeing, and call it a day. If it goes sour then so be it, but I am feeling super nervous about putting all my eggs in one basket and I don’t think that feeling is coming from a healthy/secure place… which is probably a sign I should do it.

17. Honestly feel like the biggest piece of crap daughter after our planned Mother’s Day weekend was not as thoughtful as my mother would have liked (in her own words). I wanted to kill myself seeing my mom so upset.

    Also, was invited to my boyfriend’s parent’s house for their Mother’s Day brunch, and it was lovely. As I walked out with a smile, my boyfriend asked me what was wrong – I suppose I didn’t reciprocate anything he had been saying as I was too busy and wrapped up in trying to fake my happiness. I figured out a way to lie and blame it on the workweek. But the truth is, I just can’t believe he actually will love me for the long term, or if I’m just a quasi-cute girlfriend he brings around so he isn’t lonely.

    I cried the whole drive home.

    I’m so terrified of having him find out that I’m not a good person. What I am more terrified of is hurting and losing him. That’ll be it.

    Edit: oh and a footnote, I was EDIT – officially – diagnosed with Cyclothymic disorder and OCD on Tuesday, if that helps explain my post history and current mood. Can’t wait for the happy phase to start.

18. I’m in this weird in-between with seeking a relationship vs a physical connection. I’m over dating at the moment, trying to take a break from the apps (with an occasional swipe, maybe once or twice a week) + leaving my self open to IRL connections.

    My last relationship ended last August. Prior to that, hadn’t had a casual sexual anything for about a 8-10 months or so. And very few times in the 3 years prior.

    I’ve been wanting to find a physical connection for a while, but I don’t know if the kind of arrangement I’d be comfortable with is actually out there (or easy to come by, and at that point, might as well put that energy into finding my actual partner).

    The main problem with FWB setups is that they rarely ever live up to the “friend” part, whether in interaction, respect levels or otherwise.

    I LOVE sex. A lot. I love it so much that I plainly refuse to have bad or mediocre sex. Im also not motivated by sex enough to have sex with someone who I don’t actually want to spend time with or get to know. I’m a busy person, so spending time JUST for sex is a non starter for me.

    I think the best sex comes from getting to know someone a bit and creating the space to feel liberated in the bedroom, etc.

    Also, as a woman, the risk of sex being mediocre in a FWB situation is especially high — for a few reasons — one being that we live in a society that prioritizes male pleasure and ~generalization~ most men are taught that sex revolves around their penises. Without an investment in the other person, it’s easy to simply make sex about getting yourself off.

    The kink community makes it, in some ways, a little easier to get the ongoing person-to-person investment — so I’m reintroducing myself to that world to see what might work. On the other hand, my problem with kink community has always been that SO MANY men in the community often jump straight into all things sexual *because* it’s the kink world. It’s as if they forget or plainly refuse to engage women as whole humans first rather than as vaginas with a person attached — purely sexual prospects.

    Woof okay. A rant indeed. Hopefully summer will bring out some potentials and some success in dating.

19. Don’t you hate it when someone stops responding/ghosts you on an app? Last few days I’ve been having a really good back and forth and was about to move it to a date, but now she’s gone quiet. I know it’s just one person and in person meetings is so different to messaging, but we had hit it off well and I usually find that normally means the date is going to be good. Shame. I’ve got a few others I’m messaging and a date arranged but I was most excited by her.

20. This might be controversial but, ghosting just does not upset me because ghosting is 100% clear. Like Matthew Hussey said in one of his videos – the guy who disappears is not the problem. It’s the guy who disappears, reappears, disappears, reappears – HE is the problem. Ghosting is 100% clear communication that allows you to move on with full clarity – out of all the things that can happen when dating I’ve realized it’s really not so bad.

21. Kinda annoyed that this Mother’s Day – first for me and my partner ( I’m widowed and have a son and we have one together on the way) that he didn’t make me feel special. He helped out (he always does) but we ran errands and it’s just a normal day. He’s new to having a bbq. He doesn’t know how.. I said just look it up. Read how long steaks need to be on their for at what temperature.. like fckn give me a break. I don’t want to be cooking 24/7. Im tired. Im pregnant- order me food or figure out how to cook it. Yes .. he’s tired too. He spent 6-7hrs putting something together outside for me yesterday. But I also work just as much. We have separate places but I’m always the one buying groceries .. even today. I think that’s why I’m pissed the most. He bought flowers for my mom, grandma and me .. but I went with him to pick them out. He thinks acts of love are substitutes for gifts … like for once I want to be appreciated and thought of with a gift. :s

22. The good news: I’ve been meeting guys in real life! We meet, chat, exchange contact info. The bad news? I never hear from them or when I reach out they never reply. Seriously. WTF?!?!?!!??! What is the point of chatting, introducing ourselves, exchanging information, only for them never to reach out or respond to anything? It’s the worst. It’s even more painful than when things don’t work out with someone online. I’m filled with so much hope when I meet someone in person. It feels like a more real connection. But it’s been 6 times in 2 months that this has happened. I just don’t get it. It’s really frustrating and makes me feel so hopeless.

23. Went on a disappointing date last night. We clicked super well on the dating app, and I was very excited, but when we met up they looked very different from their photos. Reviewing the photos again, I still don’t know why they look so different in person. Anyway looks aren’t everything, but I was so thrown off I had a hard time feeling any chemistry. Things definitely didn’t flow. Also they were surprised I have kids even though I CLEARLY say that in my profile. We still had a good conversation, but overall it just didn’t go like I had hoped 😕

24. This girl I’m talking to past 3 months that I brought up if she’s still using the apps, claims she’s not. She doesn’t want to commit, but claims she’s not using the apps anymore. Saw an update on her app recently. Is it weird or creepy if I brought it up to her about it? If so, how?

25. I’m fighting hard to not attach early on due to a situationship that taught me how hard detaching is. I think their actions/words show interest, but I’m never sure because I’ve been led on recently and that suckksss. Like will I ever trust someone’s intentions again?