My friend told me it’s like speaking to an AI when I tried to comfort her.

Hi everyone! I just joined because I thought I could get some advice or help or something.

My friend just went through a breakup and the way I comfort is by listening and being available and present in person so they have someone to go to and someone to sit with.

Last night my friend was venting to me over text a little and I said what I thought was okay or helpful, and she replied with “Lol. Sometimes its like talking to an AI.” I was really taken aback, maybe more than I should’ve been. I’m bad at reading tone over text so it kinda hurt my feelings. I just said “Me???” with a silly emote and then she just changed the subject. I didn’t say anything else about it because I didn’t want to make it about me (that’s something that is unfortunately hard also. I’m working on it heavily). I cried afterwards because I have a very hard time comforting people and don’t know/don’t understand how to do it, and I am very self conscious about it.

In my early teens (about to be 23) I spent most of my time making internet friends and having to handle many unalive threats with them and I spent hours comforting and helping my friends calm down. I think I was good at it? I can’t remember. It makes me uncomfortable now 🙁 I went through my own mental struggles and I’m much better now, but I feel like I’ve lost how to be empathetic or at least show that I care and try to comfort. I don’t know if those things are related, but I have a feeling they are.

I don’t know how to properly comfort friends, I’ve researched and I say the things I see online, but I feel like I’m so generic or like some cookie cutter phrasing. Am I wayyyy overthinking what she said? How do I learn to be empathetic and personal with my friends and how can I actively practice that in my life? If anyone has resources or books (!!! would love to find some) that would be so life changing for me!

Thank you! If this belongs elsewhere, please let me know 🙂 I appreciate it!!

EDIT: I think I feel more awful because she’s always been great at comforting me when I need it. She always says the right things and has the right advice and knows how to do it all right. I just feel like a friend who is lacking emotionally and I can only imagine how that can be frustrating for her when she might need me to be like that for her. I just feel so clueless. 🙁