My(31m) wife (35f) says she supports a particular hobby of mine, but gets visibly annoyed whenever I engage in that hobby?

46 comments

1. Sounds like a normal every day couple’s argument, I think you’re reading to deeply into it, she’s probably just annoyed at you over something small, prob nothing to do with the game.

2. Some people hate video games. She’s acknowledged this is one of your interests, but she doesn’t like it.

   Enjoy hyrule.

   Alternatively, challenge her on it. “Why do you resent my hobby” may be an uncomfortable question, but it isn’t a wrong question to ask.

3. Sounds to me like this ain’t about the game, dude. Something else is bothering her.

4. You can try asking her next time (or bring it up when appropriate), like ‘you seem upset about this, is everything okay, does it bother you that I want to play?’ or something along those lines… I don’t think it is a big deal at the moment, but it could be a symptom of something else

5. I would just ask her. Communication is key and the easiest way to get to the bottom of this. Just ask if it is bothering her that you are playing, ask if she wants to watch it have you explain the story, if she wants to try playing sometimes, etc. If she insists there is “no problem”, then tell her unless she tells you otherwise, you’re going to trust her on that and continue playing. 2-3 hours of gameplay for a new game when you rarely game in the first place is nothing.

6. She dislikes video games. She will support you in everything else but playing the game because she views it as being distant.

7. Tell her to just take up one of those lady hobbies like basket weaving or gathering berries

8. So you didn’t even talk to her about this and came straight to reddit? Do I have this right?

9. How did I know the “hobby” was video games before reading this post?

10. I think you need to talk to her. No one here can read her mind.

    If you really play 2 to 3 hours a week for two weeks straight, but don’t miss work and still do chores – then you aren’t spending much time with your wife. I can understand her being frustrated with being a video game widow for two weeks straight. Can you not pace it and play a night or two a week over a month or so?

11. You talk to her about it. This reads like a symptom of a deeper problem.

12. You just got home from work and went straight for the game, perhaps take 30 mins to chill with her and then go play. Same for sat. Did you spend time with her first? Currently having a similar situation of my own like this. Idc If you play but could you at least acknowledge I exist kinda feeling.

13. Earlier on in my relationship, my bf would give me a heads up that he was planning on playing that afternoon or evening. I always found it thoughtful he would give me a notice he planned to game for a bit which allowed me to make plans with a gf or spend time on one of my hobbies. Maybe give that a try?

    I wish I could speak as to what was causing her to act that way. It does read a touch jealous. Maybe in her mind, since the household chores were caught up and there was free time, she assumed you guys would be spending the evening together? And her feelings got a bit hurt when she realized you had other intentions? Maybe she is misunderstanding you having a solo activity planned as not wanting to spend the time with her you normally do? I’m not sure. But what I know is from the situation you’ve given, you didn’t do anything wrong. There is just a misunderstanding here.

    What does she do in her free time? Does she have any hobbies she could be doing while you play your game for a few hours? Try to help her see that time as an opportunity for personal free time, for her to be selfish and pamper herself. Encourage her to pick back up hobbies she’s dropped or look into new ones.

    I’m going on a decade with my boyfriend. He games after work almost daily. Half the time he’s on his headset with his best friend. He uses our TV as a monitor (can’t blame him it’s a great tv). I look forward to those couple hours now because it gives me time to catch up on my trashy reality TV he can’t tolerate, or run an errand I’ve been meaning to, but maybe didn’t want to do during our relaxing together time, or work on some art. And I know during that time he is recharging from his day which allows him to be present with me later. Hobbies are healthy and from what you’ve told us, you don’t seem to have any addiction to gaming. You just have to talk to her. It will all be okay, friend.

14. It’s an excellent game. Just play it. She will or won’t divorce you before you finish it.

    My issue: hubby is currently playing MY TotK, on MY switch.

15. So you came home after not seeing her all day at work and want to go straight to play the game instead of wanting to spend some time with her, talk to her first?

16. She wants your attention. Allot some time to build intimacy. Spend the evening together then play the game.

17. Does she not have any hobbies?

18. I don’t understand why everyone is mad at OP or why they’re just assuming he came home from work and the very first thing he did was run to the game… Also she had prior knowledge of the games release and of his excitement for it. So why make him feel bad about doing what she knew what he was going to do? Everyone is asking him why he’s here on reddit instead of talking to his wife but no one is asking why she decided to be passive aggressive instead of talking to him like an adult? Is it not the same thing? OP you should definitely talk to her and ask her what her problem is since it’s clear she won’t come to you. I hope you get to enjoy your game.

19. She doesn’t support it, otherwise she would’ve been happy for you to play it. A game you have waited years for. My partner is a gamer, I am not. I am still happy for him to play games. He has waited for new releases before and I have even bought them for him. I am excited when he opens it and wants to play it. It is his relaxing time.

20. She most likely wants to spend time with you. Ive been guilty of getting upset when my fiancée plays games for a long period of time—maybe check in with her or he’ll invite her to play with you me and my fiancée now bond over his favorite game because i play with him now! But most likely it’s just wanting your attention

21. Can you not ask her what the issue is? Jesus Christ.

    She wants to spend time with you on the weekend. Not hard to figure out.

22. It just seems communication isnt happening. Maybe instead of picking up randomly to play, set up a schedule so they know when to expect you to be unavailable

23. When you’re not playing, are you truly present with her? In my last relationship, my ex had a hobby where he would disappear for a few hours almost every day. I didn’t mind it, actually enjoyed the alone time and would ask him questions about how his hobby was going. But he was convinced that I resented his hobby

    My issue wasn’t the hobby but the fact that when he was home and with me, he was also checked out. He blamed me for resenting his hobby when really I just missed a partner who would talk to me and be curious about my life and hobbies when we were together.

24. >All the housework is finished, our bookkeeping is done for the week, I’ve just come home from work.. so I say I’m going to play the new Zelda…

    You forgot to spend time with your wife.

25. So have you asked her or is that just sheer insanity to think married people might speak to one another rather than running to the internet?

26. Bro we’ve all been waiting for this game. Go play

27. When was the last time you just hung out with your wife? No video games, no looking at your phone, just the two of you. Spending time together.

28. It kinda seems like she is wanting to spend some time with you, or something else is bothering her entirely. I doubt it’s about the game. Ask her what’s up. See if she’s upset about something. If it comes down to her simply being annoyed by you gaming, and you aren’t ignoring her or anything else that needs done, idk. Some ppl are annoyed with gaming and gamers because they don’t get it. But it seems like something else is going on here.

29. Is she into games too? My boyfriend is a bigger gamer than me but we’ve been playing all the Xenoblade games together the last few weeks (him doing most combat and the main story, me doing side quests and affinity) and talking about it together. When it’s games I’m less interested in playing it’s fun to watch him or do my thing next to him and chat about what we’re doing occasionally. There’s no reason it can’t be something she’s involved in too.

30. I honestly don’t think you should feel bad. My husband worked in the garage on projects and went mounting biking and any number of things that I wasn’t a part of. This is your hobby. If she’s got something else that’s being triggered she shouldn’t be passive aggressive about it and talk to you.

31. My bf knows that when a new LOZ is out, Im pretty much gone for a month or so lol its who I am, take it or leave it, enjoy TOTK!

32. Unfortunately she wants the attention that you’re giving the game.

33. Ummmmm…did you ask her what is bothering her??

34. See I’m the one who games in the family, but my husband knows when I do get a certain game, I’d be playing for HOURS. Then I don’t touch it for …years until the next one comes out. (For example, Fallout franchise, The Witcher franchise and so on).

    But I always play for hours at night thou, after everyone fell asleep too, so my day’s job is done (working, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc). Then I stayed up to play for hours. Sure it made me sleep deprived for a couple of weeks, but worth it LOL. In the weekend, I also only play after I’m done with the day (running errands possibly, spending time with husband and kiddo).

    Ask her why she gets annoyed, it may be that your gaming time coincides with something else in you guys’ life. For example, y’all just made a promise to spend time with each other more this year, then you decide to spend the weekend gaming instead. Or you’re supposed to be renovating the house this year, but instead you take a weekend to game. Idk. This is why I stayed up almost all night to play and only play after husband and kid are asleep so that my husband doesn’t get annoyed with my habit.

35. Was “your GAME” or “YOUR game”?

36. Do you spend time with your wife? I don’t think it matters that the house was tidy, seems like she wanted to have time with you 🤷🏼‍♀️

37. Use your mouth to makes words in your wife’s direction, use a question mark.

38. I played Animal Crossing – New Horizons for like 12-hours yesterday. Not continuously though.

39. We had the opposite problem. I didn’t care if my hubby gamed. Fast forward to getting a Christmas present of a switch 2017 and me being away from my fam I was having a hard Christmas. So he loads up BOTW and I grumbled that I don’t play video games.

    Fast forward 13 hours and a massive order of Chinese takeaway and the switch was pried from my hands so I would sleep. Lol. I’ve played through like five times since then.

40. It sounds like your wife would like to spend some time with you, that is why she is annoyed. When you have free time you go straight to the game.

41. I mean, I think it’s relevant that we’re talking about Friday night and Saturday here. It’s one thing to be fine with your husband playing games in principle, it’s another to be ignored on an open-ended basis during what is typically couple time for weekday workers, seemingly without any discussion of how the weekend’s time would be distributed. I mean, sure, you’ve been looking forward to it and she knows it, but did you actually plan out with her that you’re budgeting maybe 5-6 hours for this and where in the weekend would it make most sense to do that among any other household needs and personal wants? My husband tells me at the beginning of the weekend specifically when he’s planning to go and do a solo thing so I can plan my solo things at the same time and we can allocate time for things to do together. That’s pretty normal, I think.

42. Why are video games looked down on as a hobby?? It’s the exact same as any other hobby.

    Do people say, “Enjoy your BOOK, while I find something else to do.”

    Just let people enjoy something for fuck sakes.

43. Sounds to me like there’s something else you’re expected to be doing this weekend.

44. It sounds like she thought you two would get to spend time together once the responsibilities were finished, maybe even have romantic dates, but instead you went straight to your game and ignored her.

45. Well, my main guess is that there’s something else bothering her and the video games are just the “cherry on top.” But there’s also the possibility that you’re putting way more time into this hobby than you think- if anyone asks my boyfriend how much video games he plays, he’ll say “2-3 hours every couple of days probably.” When in reality, he plays for 5-6 hours at a time most nights of the week, and on his days off he will literally play all. day. long. only taking breaks to eat and pee. And in his mind, he truly believes he only plays “a couple hours at a time.”

46. I have always wondered if the women who make a stink about gaming have a hobby if their own to do. As a woman gamer, I just don’t Fkn get it.
    Like, would collecting stamps be more acceptable? Perhaps building a train set or making cabinetry?

    I’m so sorry OP that you’re dealing with this from her. Something is definitely up, and I only wish I had a clue or some advice to give ya.