Firstly, not married yet. Not in a relationship. But just wanted some advice on dealing with this.
Onto the main point.
I don’t know why but for some reason the thought of my wife making more than me really bothers me. Naturally I don’t want my relationship to be one of competition. So I ask for advice on how to deal with this. Thanks
10 comments
Seek help
No seriously, therapy. There’s an underlying reason why you have this thought and a good therapist can help you unpack this
Here’s a hint into why you’re feeling this way: the patriarchal social messaging you’ve received all your life.
It’s 2023. You need to get over your ego and appreciate your badass wife or it will not work if you are constantly resentful and competitive. Don’t choose your ego over your marriage.
I recommend reading some books, therapy, and the FairPlay documentary on Hulu as a good starting place to doing the work for changing your attitude.
If you make it a big deal it will be a big deal. Is she treating you differently since she stateted making more?
No issue. You want a wife that make more than you compare to one who make nothing and expect everything!
Drop the misogyny and I doubt it will be an issue.
Therapy. A lot of therapy. Way before marriage. Or even a GF. Most definitely before children.
My wife made more than me for the longest while of our marriage. She should, with multiple degrees. I never once let it bother me because it all goes into one place and we more than generally agree on our lifestyle. It’s a win win.
You help her spend it.
You are looking at this the wrong way. There is nothing better economically for a family than to have two high earners. Invest that disposable income and create financial independence you can both enjoy. For many years I earned more far than my wife but her career took off and she earns more now. We always pooled our money and were both focused on financial independence and so it was always about our joint success.
This is actually pretty funny because for the longest time this was the scenario between my wife and I. Took some time but eventually I caught her. I just laid into it and called her my sugar momma. Now I’m the sugar daddy. You can take competition like this and use it to push each others careers along. That’s what we did and now we are very well off.