I (26F) have really bad social anxiety so I would get high before dates so I’m not mute. But
1) weed makes me horny
2) I’m high and would assume I’m having a lot of fun or there’s great chemistry whether the other party is a dolt/douche or not

Then of course after sex the man changes either in a subtle way like someone that would respond to texts in 30 seconds is now taking a whole day or they just become straight up mean because I guess “the hunt is over”
Maybe it’s okay that I have sex on first dates cause then at least the man shows his true colours fast before I start catching feelings

37 comments

  2. Try a date sober so you can truthfully assess your date and make a better judgment call for yourself.

  3. I would say just don’t get high yeah dates can be nerve racking but you have to be able to feel comfortable with them or your just gonna get people like this

  4. Maybe also the guy is disappointed your stoned and can’t see the true reflection of yourself.

  5. If a guy bounces because you had sex on the first date, he was going to bounce regardless.

    I have to be frank because this advice given to women drives me a up a wall. This whole idea that you shouldn’t have sex too soon because “the chase” is over is straight up stupid. If you have to make a man “chase” you to want a relationship with you, **it means they don’t want a relationship.** And any guy who doesn’t want a relationship with a woman all of a sudden because the girl gave him some on the 1st date is a goofy dude you don’t wanna be with anyways.

  7. Find yourself! Go travelling, go for a hike, a run. Do anything just to be with you and you alone! Forget sex, forget people.
    Get out on your own and once you’re ready jump back in to it 👍🏻

  8. Yeah…I think your last line there absolutely nailed it.

    And there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date.

    Any dude that judges you for that shit is not a man you want to be with anyway.

    They probably lose interest NOT because you had sex but because maybe they weren’t that interested to begin with.

  9. Sounds like maybe you should stop self-medicating before dates just to get through them.

  11. You are someone that needs to masterbate before a date. Idk what the female version of post nut clarity is but you need it

  12. 1. No you shouldn’t?

    2. I married the dude I fucked on the first date. We were supposed to be a one night stand. Then just fuck buddies. Then we fell in love.

    3. If someone judges you for fucking on the first date, they did too. Fuck them and move on. They weren’t worth it anyways.

    4. Live your life and enjoy. That’s what it’s there for. Anyone who has an opinion can kiss your ass.

  16. Whether you sleep with a man on the first night , 3rd date, or wait 2 weeks. A lot of men change after sex soooo🤷‍♀️. I think you need to look at the quality of men your attracting

  17. Smoke or not, sex or not, one thing, it’s your gut/intuition that should be discriminating. If you smoke to ignore your gut that’s where the unintended-undesired results take place. Pot to mellow, okay. Smoke to be blissfully ignorant? Well, you get what you get. Good luck, OP!

  18. If you don’t want casual sex then don’t have sex with anyone until you’re in a real committed relationship

  19. Being inebriated js likely blocking your ability to find sort me man by their long term ability. I’d try a date without. Or get a smoking FWB so you can better sort date matches.

  20. To be honest, I don’t really know if it’s the fact that you have sex with them on the first date.

    If someone came to our first date baked, I would probably not wanna go on a second date after that.

  21. Working on your social anxiety and socializing without sex, makes you differentiate between people who wanna hang, bang, or both.

    In the very least you could release yourself before date to reduce that impetus for yourself?

  23. First , what are you doing to address your social anxiety? Therapy, meds, etc? Also are you being responsible meaning protection, condoms, hotel, personal protection? Is there more than weed? Is this a daily habit or because of anxiety or would you say addiction? To me this is seriously reckless. It’s a seriously unsafe world. There is absolutely nothing wrong having sex on the first date if everything meshes etc.. however I can’t help but wonder about your safety and that you should work on finding out the bigger issue and take a break from it for a while. Hope that helps

  24. easy. stop gettin high before dates. be yourself. if u both still want sex it’s fine, but at least you or they don’t pretend to act as someone you’re not.

  25. It’s probably okay if you have sex on the first date, but that is going to be a factor that makes some guys take you less seriously. Which is also hypocritical since they also just had sex on the first date with you.

    Of greater concern, in my opinion, is going on the date while high. You should show up sober and as yourself if you ever want someone to truly get to know you and form a connection. I have no issues with weed or alcohol, but you’ve got to be sober to actually get to know someone and start a relationship.

    If the anxiety is that bad, I would suggest looking into counseling services if you can in order to help you break some of those routines and thoughts.

  27. I don’t think sex on the first date changes how people actually are. It just removes lust and the fantasy of sex from the equation

  28. Do you use protection? As self destruction appears to be very pronounced here.

  29. I’ll sleep with a guy on the first date if he’s cute but I don’t really see us going anywhere. If I want it to be serious I take things more slowly.

  30. You are dating playboys… they are only interested in 1 thing. 90% of men are not playboys. So maybe adjust your selection.

  32. 1. You are showing up to a date high and that could be noticeable
    2. I think there are way more issues here at play than just simply having sex on the first date. It sounds like it’s done in a place of shame or to prevent yourself from getting to know each other.

  33. Are you trying to justify taking the easy route(pun intended)? Or what is the purpose of this post?

    If you want the same results, keep following the same routine. If not, it sounds like you already identified the problem. Learn to talk to people without the use of weed. It may be hard but it can be done with practice.

  34. OP I’m exactly like you, but I drink wine. I posted another comment but I slept with a guy and he told me he just didn’t like that I was drinking. But it’s so common. My plan is to maybe FT before the date or text more so I don’t get so anxious.

  35. The problem isn’t when you’re sleeping with them. It’s that you’re not properly addressing your social anxiety. Start seeing a therapist.

  36. Might as well find out from the start. If you can’t enjoy someone in the bed then you won’t enjoy the rest of the relationship.

  37. I think u should start from not getting high before dates, I have severe anxiety and not very good at socializing but I’ve overcomes it and I’m doing great now at age 29. How will you judge the person correctly if ur high on the first date? You can’t lie to yourself, u need to be who u are and see through people on the first date to move forward.

    There is nothing wrong with having sex on the first date. The issue here is ur judgement and choices are clouded due to u not being able to confront ur problem. Your social anxiety is preventing you from expressing who u really are to those men and u might regret these choices in the long term maybe, trust me work on urself and don’t let ur social anxiety take u over. The first step is not getting high before first dates and the rest will follow ❤️

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