My BF of 1.5 year just told me he had something too “stupid and wrong” to confess. Last week, he went to a strip club with his work friends. I don’t really know if these guys qualify as friends because he only talks shit about them and resents them a lot. It’s a very abusive work environment, from what he’s said. He said he only went with them because the reason they asked him was to “help” avoid a drinking bender and “keep an eye” on him. That friend was apparently recently divorced and is acting insane. The logic is lost on me, how they tether strip clubs to emotional support is something I cant understand. What I just don’t like is that, not only did my BF went along *just* to appease these guys (he said he agreed after pressure), but he said he had a dance that was “requested” by the subject friend. I don’t really understand how this even works. His friend just says please do this for me and he… goes along? It’s not that I think he’s lying or being deliberately unfaithful. But this whole thing is poking at my trust. His explanations don’t go beyond “well, they just forced me to!” while taking minimal responsibility.

21 comments

  1. A onetime event just chalk it up to error in judgement, if you notice that he goes more often then you have your answer. Be glad he was up front about it.

    Also I may talk trash about some of my coworkers to vent a bit but because shared work experiences we have a tendency to look out for each other when the others are going through rough patches. The ‘friend’ buying the dance could be his way of ‘repaying’ the two of them just hanging out while the coworker was having a rough moment.

    I hope that this is of some help

  2. That’s not a great quality – not necessarily a complete deal breaker if everything else is perfect, but if it isn’t, this very easily could be a (quite large) straw that broke the camel’s back for me.

    If you decide to stay together, I think you’ll have easier time if you accept right now something similar may happen again. If you give him too many ultimatums, like not ever hanging out with that friend (who he likely hangs out with just because he has to because of his toxic work), he’ll just be in a hard place (trouble in relationship vs at work) and it may make him act even worse trying to balance it all. I’d either accept this bad part of his personality or leave.

  5. Somewhat in the same boat. BF lied about being somewhere else and was at the strip club because he got peered pressured from his friends. Found out thru his location.

  6. I would ask him if he is a bloody coward or a bloody liar.. tell him if he not going to be truthful and stay away from people who force him to betray you, then it’s over. You don’t need a liar and a cheater in your life

  7. I’m a woman who used to work with all guys. When one of the guys was getting married we all went to a strip club. They even bought me a lap dance.

    And working Bierman, especially with work teams there is sometimes pressured to hang out with the team after work. In my case, I really like my team, and I had fun at the strip club. It was really kind of a hoot seeing grown men wasting their money.

  8. He went to a strip club because he wanted to go to a strip club. He’s a grown ass man.

  12. He went because he wanted to. He’s blaming his colleagues because he knows you’re upset.

    25 is too old for this kind of peer pressure. He went because he wanted to. Don’t let him tell you otherwise.

  13. Well was he being unfaithful? Do you consider a strip club unfaithful? Was it a dance on the floor or a dance in a private room? He went because he wanted to go.

  14. I’m glad he confessed to you but I think his excuse is bullshit. He went there because he wanted to.

  15. Good lord, the commenters dismissing your concerns clearly don’t realize everyone has different boundaries. Regardless of whether your bf was pressured or not, **you** aren’t comfortable with him having gone and you need to express that to him. And if going to a strip club to appease friends or for any other reason is more important than making you feel comfortable, you need to ditch this man and find someone who respects your boundaries. Best of luck, OP!

  16. Plenty of guys end up in strip joints because of social pressure.

    Only two questions are worth considering:

    1) was there physical contact between him and the stripper?

    2) how much money did he spend?

    If the answer to both questions is “none,” then leave the guy alone. He told you what he did.

  17. So, as a guy, men don’t process major life events like women. So this isn’t about emotional support. The guy is acting out because he’s trying to remember who he is. Especially if it was an ugly divorce. It’s not a healthy way that he’s doing it but that’s what he’s doing.

    If your BF is in a strongly male environment then sometimes you go along to get along. This isn’t something most women will get. If he had refused that would have given these guys more ammo to ride him hard at work. By going along he was probably hoping to lessen the shit he gets. He should be able to stand up for himself but clearly doesn’t. He’s a follower not a leader. The same occurs for the lap dance. The guys were probably all over him for not getting a lap dance. So they keep calling him a pussy until he caves. He caved because he wanted the shit to end.

    Male environments require a man to stand up for himself or follow the lead of another. He’s not willing to admit he’s a follower.

  18. Wow this is some mom-moment “if your friend jumps off a bridge would you do it too” kind of moment… I don’t think this is unforgivable in itself but if he takes no responsibility, how can this possibly work out? What if next time they “force” him to sleep with someone?

  19. Break up with him. Can’t trust a spineless dude who can’t refuse such degenerate acts and respect his partner. And that’s just if he’s being truthful which I doubt is the case.

  20. Dump him!!! Literally he sounds like a worm that would be in the backroom because ” the stripper pressured him to”. LADIES trust a former strip club employee your man is a dog if he goes to strip clubs without you. 😂

  21. Your Bf talks smack about co-workers and dislikes them but ends up at a strip club with them? – strip clubs are not a forced work outing, they’re not even friends why is he expected to play dd? This whole scenario…. Never happened haha! – to me this screams bf js trying to make you dislike these guys so you will never engage with them(cause you dislike them so much) so you won’t be aware of the stuff he’s actually up to. Ask to speak to his co-workers… You’ll see him scramble for excuses

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