I already feel so bad about my inability to come from it, but he thinks it’s because he’s not good enough. And I’ve had sex before him but I haven’t come from that either. Sex is actually the most pleasurable with him. But I just can’t come. It’s like I’m not at all sensitive inside. G-spot, A-spot, U-spot it does nothing for me but makes me feel uncomfortable when I try to stimulate the zones. And during sex, even if it feels good, I feel no sort of build up to an orgasm. I feel like maybe my vagina is just shallow or my body is just different. He’s very big too, so that’s not the problem (and has never made a difference for me in terms of.coming). He’s internalising that he’s not good enough, and it really just makes me sad because it’s hard enough to accept that I can’t come and it’s only making it harder that it’s taking such a toll on my wonderful boyfriend. So now I’m just obsessed with trying to come because it would be nice to experience it and make me feel better about myself and also make him feel better. Nothing I see online seems to work for me. It’s also hard because we’re long distance but the times we’re together, I just don’t come.
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It’s very common that women don’t orgasm from vaginal sex. A majority of women do not. He needs to understand this, and that expecting a woman to orgasm that way when she has never done it before is putting a burden on her that makes sex worse, not better.
One possibility is that positions that cause more grinding on your clit could make you cum. For instance, cowgirl while you move in kind of a forward-backward motion rather than up and down on his penis.
As others have noted, only a very small percentage of women actually orgasm from PIV alone. Questions. Can you masturbate to orgasm? Is your boyfriend bringing you to orgasm via foreplay and oral? Can you or he stimulate your clit during PIV? Are you open to using a vibrator during PIV?
Yes, there are women who can orgasm from PIV. I’m one of them but it only happened for the first time in my mid-twenties and didn’t become common til my mid-thirties. Clit stimulation is still the best way to make me orgasm, be it with or without PiV at the same time.
Evolutionarily, the clitoris has “moved away” from the vaginal entrance as a way to keep it protected during birth as human heads got bigger ([source](https://amzn.eu/d/3ZF24GB)), meaning it often doesn’t get as much stimulation during PiV as “originally”. Expecting a woman to orgasm from PiV only, consistently, is like expecting a man to orgasm from testicle play only; it might feel lovely, might be enough for some individuals, but overall is simply not going to work.
So as a man who loves to make a woman orgasm it’s hard to accept. But he has to learn that most women can’t cum from PIV alone.
I was with a woman a long time that couldn’t cum from anything short of sustained, direct, clit stimulation. She had been using a hitachi since she was 15. I was lucky she responded to my hands at all. So I learned to use my hands and mouth to make her cum. Sometimes it took a VERY long time. But at least it was me giving her an orgasm and not a toy. During sex she’d use a mini-vibe if she wanted more than one. So I had to learn how to accept and accommodate that. But at the end of the day I just wanted her to feel pleasure.
Maybe teach him how to use his hands or mouth on you. Let him take his time and experiment to find what works for you. You need to be vocal and give him feedback when he does something right. A little bit of dirty talk about how good he’s making you feel may also help.
Not anyones fault. Listen to Sex with Emily. Dr. Morse explains it quite well.
Find studies online, something like 75-80% of women can’t. Doesn’t matter how good the dick is. That’s not how lot of our bodies work. Send him a link. It’s no secret and they are actual studies.
His previous partners were probably faking it to stroke his ego
Buy a vibrator and put it on your clit during intercourse. With a number of partners I have had that made all the difference.
Only a small percentage of women orgasm from penetration.
I can, but all the stars have to be aligned. I have to be extremely relaxed, loads of foreplay and build-up to the moment and the right stimulation. I also can come with a vibrator. Incorporating toys might help.
Don’t rush to orgasm, it’s not a race. I find that the more I stress about it, the more I get into my head. Try to find ways to relax and just enjoy the moment.
Get to know your body and try to find ways to make you come first so that you can communicate with him. Get comfortable with your body. The more you are, the more you can know what works.
Sooo many women only cum from clitoral stimulation
I think of you BOTH look at the staggering amount of research and facts surrounding this topic specifically you will find that not only are you normal, but overwhelmingly so. The key however is to find ways to cum during vagina insertion while stimulating your clitoris. There are so many ways and it could be so much fun finding which ones work for you. Have him spend some time giving you oral and foreplay before you start each time and have you aroused. Play with toys, and most importantly explore, have fun and enjoy the experience.
The clit has one job only: to give you sexual pleasure. Make use of it, it is there for a reason
I didn’t orgasm from PIV until I was 50. And it only happened rarely after that. And many women never do.
It’s not your fault.
I’m a 36-year-old AFAB who has had several different partners of all shapes and sizes and experience levels, and I have never orgasmed from PIV, only clitoral stimulation. Everyone is different, but statistically, people with vaginas often need more than just a pounding to get off. But the good news is, you’re not broken, and neither is he. Don’t let porn lie to you!
Your clit is the same tissue as his penis. Ask him if he would be able to come if you didn’t touch his penis?
Most women don’t orgasm from penetration…in fact even women that do cum from penetration are often just in a position where their clit is also being stimulated (cowgirl for example) …nobody’s fault it’s just how our bodies work
A lot of us guys get focused on the female orgasm b/c from our perspective we want them to share what we feel and we typically have an orgasm, so we assume it should be the same. It’s just not- women and men are different. Have him read on it – there’s lots of literature I’ve linked in my other post and the stats if he’s a numbers guy. It’s not that he’s not good enough, he’s just made an assumption or “listened” to porn or common knowledge that is simply false or misleading at best.
There’s no problem, nothing is wrong with you and nothing is wrong with him. As many people have said, and cited evidence for, you are not alone. I struggled with so many sexual partners to come from any sort of stimulation, until I started to communicate and accept that orgasm, for me, could not come from penetration alone. I’m sure it is hard for him to hear but until he accepts it and you guys start to incorporate clitoral stimulation, or toys, or whatever it takes, it won’t happen and neither of you will be happy with your sex life. Communicate, try everything you feel comfortable with, and it will happen for you.
As others have posted, it is common that women do not orgasm from thrusting sex. Does he go down on you before entering you? Try not to concentrate or worry about you having orgasm. Just go with the glow. It is not his fault and he should not feel bad. Show him internet search results on women and not orgasming from sex. Something else you can try is pull your hood back to that he has direct contact with your clit. He would thrust as normal but with a forward motion.
It’s common. I don’t either. You and your partner need to Google a bit more.
What if you showed him this post? Like, literally. Pull your phone out, and be like bro, it ain’t your big dick or lack of hip thrust, it’s me, like, actually me. Pat the sensitive male ego on the back, and move on with your sex life together hunting for things that make you both tick!! Happy Humping.
* I’d really like to know the reaction if you showed him this post, we’re male and slow, talk slow.
I was in a relationship for 8 years and she did not orgasm once from vaginal sex, so what? I didn’t care, she was satisfied, she had no complaints.
I satisfied her with my tongue and once with my fingers and it was the first time that she orgasmed from my fingers, because it was hard for her, but I didn’t mind, the only reason what I cared for is for her to be happy.
Bring some toys to the bedroom. My ex partner couldn’t cum from vaginal sex either but she always enjoyed it. Clit stimulation is key!! My and girlfriend and I always use vibrators and other stimulating lubes when we have sex. Given she can cum through vaginal sex but the toys just build it up better for a more intense orgasm.
Try using some orgasm serums & lubes during sex. A little on your clit and even the nipples, from my girlfriends reviews, she loves it! Sometimes I struggle to cum and that stuff works a treat.
But to wrap it all up, pardon the pun, really ensure your partner it’s nothing to do with him and get him to be more involved with your stimulation. I think a huge thing for men is we really love seeing our partner get off and have a good time which turns us on even more.
Experiment with things and bring toys in 😉
In my experience open communication with your sexual partner is the best thing you can always do. Pull up the statistics, read an article to him explaining that orgasms through insertion are not as common as one would believe and that clitoral stimulation is the way your specific body works because everyone is different. If he loves you and understands this, he will focus on this and make sure you are taken care of every time. Best of luck.
Read the book “come as you are” by Emily Nagoski. She explains the science of sex and female orgasm, what we know about it, the statistics and all that in an easy to understand way. You will find confirmation that you’re not a minority but a vast majority, nor is your bf defective, as well as validation that it’s completely normal not to orgasm from PinV. Sadly, to make a baby, it’s not necessary for a woman to orgasm so vaginal sex for most women is pleasurable but not orgasmic. There’s also an issue of anatomy where your clitoris needs to be a certain distance from your vaginal opening for you to have an orgasm during penetration alone and if it’s more than that (forgot the actual number) then it’s physically not possible because the g spot is not really erectile tissue like the clitoris is, it’s just a spot where you can reach the clitoris from the other side of that wall that separates them. So your bf’s dick would have to be alien like to achieve this. Don’t beat yourself up girl. It’s all good.
Have you tried any toys? That would help. Trial and error on which ones work best for you.
Maybe try watching porn, seek out different scenes to watch see what turns you on better. Or maybe read an erotic novel, or hentai etc, and then try to masturbate.
Has he gone down on you? Maybe try to ask him to give you oral and when you’re super near coming ask him to put his dick in. Surely that can help you come.
He’s being an idiot. Here’s what I do, I alternate between penetrative sex and cunnilingus, until she comes.
Start soft and loving, just as she begins to really like it switch to mouth. Just as she begins to really like that, back to penetration. Pound her hard, back to licking, alternate to frustrate her a few times, and then dig down and finish her off with the tongue.
Never fails to illicit an explosive orgasm.