Should I have paid her? Was it extortion?

Hello,

I am 38, living in a new country for the past 2.5 years. When I first moved here I was lonely because I didn’t know anyone, which made it even harder because I came just before the pandemic. I went to special interest sites for sports, music, videogames, and astrology and talked to people from around the world who, as we all know, were also holed up for weeks at a time for lockdown. I happened to meet one person from the country I was in, on an astrology website. We ended up meeting that summer as local measures were being relaxed and later I met her brother and the three of us hung out a number of times. I am a fairly tall guy, 187 cm (6’1) and average build but her brother was huge! Something like 195 cm (6″4) and just bursting with muscles. But in the times I hung out with him he seemed really laid back, like a gentle giant (this comes into play later).

Anyway, we hung out here and there, a number of times and at one point, she as an amateur photographer (of sorts) offered to take photos of us with her new camera, I guess to hone her skills. It was a normal photoshoot. On a few separate occasions, I helped her bro out with relationship stuff after he had a rough split with a girl. She listened to me about my dating misadventures/”struggles” (or questions) as a single guy in a new country looking for love and she was supportive.

Eventually, I did meet someone, she is awesome! I did not see these two friends for the first 18 months or so that I dated my new GF, attempts were made, on occasion, to hang out but seemed to fall through. The typical stuff that can happen to anyone in regard to friends.

This will make sense soon even though it seems irrelevant: My GF paid 50 euros for astrology reading for an hour which was just awful. So bad she just ended it after 45 minutes and refrained from asking this astrologer further questions, even though she could have. I felt bad for my GF and reached out to my friend. I told her my GF had an awful exp and asked if she could do a reading, I could even pay for it. She eventually met my GF, did the reading, and even gave my GF notes. As we were leaving I offered my friend 50 euros and she said: “No, don’t worry, it is for a friend.” My GF stayed behind in the apartment and I walked my friend to the bus where I again, offered 50 euros. She again said “No, this is between friends, no money is needed”

Months passed. We talked here and there, but not often.

Another month or two, she tells me about a company her friend opened and if I could apply as she recommended me. (I didn’t ask for her to recommend me, she just did.) She said “I know you are thinking of switching jobs (true) so give it a shot. I said “ok” but was not super interested. In hindsight, I guess I should not have said I was interested. I never actually reached out to her friend about the job.

A few weeks later my friend sends me a message asking if I am ever going to pay her the 50 euros. I am legit confused. What? She again asks. I said she told me I didn’t have to worry about it. The pressure slowly starts turning up as she says that I am being dishonest, that I used her, that I like to use women, that she wants what is “rightfully” hers (the money), she threatens to tell my GF (effectively tattle), she again accuses me of using people and mentions some drink she apparently purchased for me as further “evidence”. At this point, I should mention that on the night she did the reading for my GF I got dinner for her which she, of course, left out when she mentioned the drink she apparently got for me). I continue to refuse to pay the money. She then says, “fine, I will send my brother over to collect the money.”

I tell her it sounds like a threat but she denies that it is. She again says she wants what is hers and once she has the money she never wants anything to do with me.

I tell her “sorry, my focus is on being with my gf, her grandma, (more or less a second mom (she loves her mom and grandma a great deal) just passed away so I can’t concern myself with such things. She again insists, not really even caring about what I had just said, and says “so when can I expect the money, do what is right, we both know who is right here.” I wanted to keep my GF out of this to not add more stress on her.

But at this point, I tell my GF who is horrified. My GF thought she was weird when she first met her but wanted to be nice because she was my friend. Eventually, they hit it off but there was that odd vibe right off that bat.

But my GF, after I show her some of the screenshots of messages between my friend and I told me “I should have listened to my gut instinct because at one point she told me (in their mother tongue) that she was not working.

Anyway, my GF says “just pay her the money and be done with her, it is such a small amount, not worth the stress.” – Btw, my GF burned all of the notes she was given from the reading.

So I tell my friend (or at this point “friend”) that I will pay her. Rather than a bank account, she says I can pay via the post office as in this country that is an option to send payment. So I do, but I put in 80 euros. Why? You will see me soon.

Shortly after I send a message asking “get the money?” She responds that she did. I think it is odd she does not notice it is 80 euros instead of 50. So after a small back and forth I say “btw it is 80 I sent”. Finally, she asks “why?” I say “That should cover the reading AS WELL AS the drink and photoshoot.” At this point, I am thinking, I never want to owe anyone anything or get something for “free” so I will just make sure, moving on, no one does anything for me anymore. I purchase my own drinks, this, that, etc.

Her tune changes, she says that maybe she had me wrong, maybe she was a bit harsh she admits, we can meet up and go for a walk. Etc. Never actually properly apologizes or says sorry, mind you. But she admits she was upset that I never sent my resume after she had a lot of glowing things to say about me to her friend, and so on. Ah, so the truth comes out. Me not sending my resume pissed her off enough to then demand 50 euros from me MONTHS after the reading, seemingly out of the blue. To get to the point where she threatened to send her bro after me. (I have doubts he even knew he was being used in the manner in which she used him (as a threat) and I DO NOT think he would ever hurt a fly but who knows). But then she asks, later on in the convo if I can send the resume to her friend who is starting this English academy.

A week later she sends a message and she asks how my GF is doing (regarding her grandma). I don’t respond right away and I say, a few days later, “My GF is doing better. But just so you know, your words really hurt”. To that, she says “I think it is better we don’t talk anymore.”

That’s it. I deleted her damn photos from that photoshoot as well, my GF and I just want to move past this shit.

But I feel dumb for sending her any money. Would you have?