Girlfriend of over 10 years & 2 children together has been hiding debts unfortunately not for the first time, I took a loan out some time ago to get her debt under control which I have ended up paying despite her being better off financially& now find that she has not dealt with a number of other small debts over the course of the time I have been paying for the loan . Where do you go from here? We are currently sleeping in separate rooms & in a room mate phase for some time.
Unfortunately the debts led to us not being able to secure a mortgage which I’m now being blamed for you for not earning enough ( have worked full time since I was 19)
however was purely due to un-affordability due to partners debts & Car on hire purchase ( over the amount which was stated over the phone upon purchase) Just want to get peoples opinion on where they would go from here.
13 comments
I’m sorry you’re dealing w thus financial mess created not by you, good thing you’re not married tho imo bc it makes things easier to disengage of you so choose , you can’t make someone be serious about debt and $$ issues usually, its on them, if you can afford to get your own place that’s what I would do & let her deal w her own financial issues & see what happens, maybe reality will set in & you 2 xan work it out, 100% DO NOT take out more loans 4 her! Good luck
So you’re taking out loans to deal with her obnoxious spending habits, and she’s turning around and blaming you for not earning enough when you’re literally paying down her debts?
I mean part of me blames you for getting yourself into this mess, because it’s difficult to not notice beginning a relationship with someone who has a sub-80 IQ. You shouldn’t have to sick that intellectually low to meet her at her own level to explain why you’re not making enough for a mortgage. At this point, kick her the fuck out, file for custody of your children, and move on with your life.
From here I would move to separation. You’re not married and it sounds like you have no romantic/sexual relationship. There’s no benefit to continuing to let her debt hang over your head.
I assume you’re staying together “for the kids,” but speaking as someone who works in child development, the research we have now makes it clear that’s not actually beneficial for them.
You got into debt to pay her debt? Seriously?
Why do you think money is the #1 cause for divorce?
She’s lying to you, she’s addicted to spending and she’s robbing your children’s future
You get a world class lawyer (you’re already paying boatloads for her issues) and with all of the documents about her irresponsibilities you file for divorce and full custody citing you can’t trust her with the children
Other option is a massive amount of therapy but that rarely works
There is no marriage left, you’re just an ATM
I guess I’m wondering why she’s still your girlfriend. You haven’t gotten married after 10 years. You can’t agree on how to handle major financial decisions. You don’t trust her. By your own accounts, you live like roommates. This wouldn’t be somebody I’d want to own a house with. I’d have broken up with them.
So you two aren’t a couple so just end the relationship and stop paying for her shit. She clearly isn’t responsible so let her drown in her own debt.
So you two aren’t a couple so just end the relationship and stop paying for her shit. She clearly isn’t responsible so let her drown in her own debt.
Contact an attorney to find out how to dissolve the relationship most financially beneficially to you and find out what your options and chances are regarding custody. You have already seen that she won’t rein in her spending and will just run up more debt while blaming you for not being able to afford things, so staying will only make everything worse.
I know it seems like a nuclear option, but I recommend ending the relationship. At the very least, meet with a financial advisor or counselor. You are getting yourself into debt trying to cover for her lies and out of control spending. This is a vicious cycle that will never end and will ruin you financially. Further, she sounds tremendously irresponsible, selfish, immature and cruel to blame you when this is her own fault. I grew up with a father with a gambling habit who blew through money and lied to my mother constantly. He’s gone now, and despite working her whole life she’s now living in a Medicaid funded nursing home with nothing to her name. Some people will ruin you if you let them.
You’re 35M who’s been with someone for 10+ years and made two children together and you’re not married? Are you helping support the children? You said she makes more than you, perhaps you should try finding a better paying job instead of leaving your family high and dry because you can’t step up to the plate and provide as the man of the house…
My best advice, if you’re not married after ten years and two kids maybe there’s a reason why and you should look into that. This is red flag but I’m being there have been others.
I’d start separating. As peaceful as you can cause the kids.
>10 years & 2 children
>”girlfriend”
😑 Bruh. You’re not even married and you’re taking out loans and having children with this woman.