To put it simply, I’m devastated. This build took me ages, and wasn’t even done yet, and he ruined it in a matter of seconds. 3 months ago, him and I got in a relatively small argument over the fact that I’m trying to figure out where I want to live when I turn 18, and didn’t know if it was gonna be with him. I *thought* this argument had been resolved a long time ago. Apparently not. This morning I logged onto our world, and found that particular build literally fucking gone, and a massive crater where it was. He blew it up. Obviously I was pissed, and I called him to ask what happened. I was hoping it was a prank or something, and that he had a backup at the very least. Nope. He proceeds to tell me that I “Shouldn’t have hurt his feelings by implying I didn’t want to live with him,” and that this was his way of getting back at me. WTF??? Never in the almost two years I’ve been with this boy has he done ANYTHING this cruel. He knew I worked hard on it. I tell him all the fucking time how excited I was to get it done, and how proud I was of it. He would nod along and smile like he wasn’t planning to wreck it all in the end. This has severely damaged my opinion of him, but two years is a long time for me, and I’d like to try and repair things. I’m asking for advice on how to do so. Is there a specific way I could explain how it made me feel? It isn’t that he thought it was “just a game” and wouldn’t matter, because he’s big into Minecraft too. Should I ask for an apology? Or would that piss him off even more? I don’t want anything else getting destroyed. I have a dragon egg I got recently that I’m very attached to, and he knows how much I love it, so I’m scared if we fight again, he’ll destroy that next. WHAT DO I DO? Most importantly, how do I apologize for what I said that pissed him off so much? It feels weird apologizing after what he did, but clearly I deeply hurt him since he lashed out like this, so I feel the need to make it up to him somehow. Reddit, please help! I was planning on marrying this man someday!!!
TL;DR: Boyfriend got upset and destroyed a massive video game project over an argument in the past, I’m scared and sad, but also really conflicted on how to tell him both that I’m sorry for hurting him, and that now IM really hurt.
4 comments
I hope you learned at least one lesson from this. Always back up projects in more than one place incase something happens it.
Maybe you both need to grow up a little before continuing down this path?
Staying with him just because it’s been two years since you started dating would be falling into the sunk cost fallacy. If you stay with him, you’re telling him that he gets to control you and hurt you. You’re telling him that he can do whatever he wants to you.
His actions were deeply fucked up and cruel. Plotting secretly how he could destroy something that is meaningful to you was a sadistic act. The fact that it’s something that only exists in a video game does not change that! Moving in with him would be a mistake. Honestly I think staying with him would be a mistake, and that you should leave him. This kind of behavior shows controlling tendencies and if you stay together and move in, he’ll be breaking your things to force you to behave how he wants all the time.
If there is any chance of repairing the relationship, it has to come from him. It will only work if he is genuinely remorseful and apologetic. If he is insisting he did nothing wrong, he’s telling you that he will do it again.
The only thing you should be explaining to him is that you’re dumping him. He’s proven he’s willing to destroy something that’s important to you when you did something he didn’t like. Eventually he’ll destroy real-world things you love, not just virtual-world things.