I (18M) got a classmate, let’s say his name is Alex.
I have a feeling that he doesn’t respect my bounderies, likes to jerk me around, and doesn’t really respect me as a person
I initially thought as him as neutral if a bit silly person who is friendly enough. Im not sure what exact events had lead him to start to slowly push his bounderies nor can i remember every thing he does but ill list the things i can remember. During break when I go to the bathroom he’d scribble graffiti on my note taking apps in ipad, sometimes directly over my notes. I at first dismiss this as just harmless pranks but he does it almost every time. He does this to a guy sitting next to me as well, but when i ask that guy he said he doesn’t see it as a big deal since you could just press undo, so i never really do anything about it even though i dont like it. Alex for some reason seems to stop doing it to that guy but still continue with me.
Alex also is weirdly inquisitive about me. He’d like to look over what im doing when im on my device and and sometimes asks me questions im obviously not comfortable answering (outside of the device thing)
And recently, and it’s an event that made decide to post this, why I was holding up my notes in a circle for a class topic before test, alex just comes up to me and stare over my shoulder. I wanna ask him ‘is there anything you want?’ but decided to ignore him and continue to read my notes and listen to others. He then slowly stepped on my shoe then pulled back. I just gave him a stare, and he says a really sarcastic ‘Sorrryy’
I really am uncomfortable with this dynamic. This is making me feel like im smaller than him. I feel like im taken as a joke, someone he shouldn’t worry about
Ive actually experienced something similar in middle school, and even now i still dont even know what they want. What they would get out of it by doing this. Alex seems fine with others, its just me who he’s behaving this way towards
What could i do about this situation?
3 comments
He is probably getting out of it exactly what you describe. He wants to make you feel small. He wants to test how far he can go and expand social power. He is stepping on you because he can and likes how you react, because it gives him a feeling of power.
I know this is annoying as fuck, but it is your possibility to learn how you can set your boundaries clear. If you learn to do it right, he will basically lose interest, because you are not giving him this sweet reaction anymore. It is a good practice for later in life, because there will always be people who do not respect boundaries.
Setting your boundary is a mixture of self respect and kindly saying this ends here. It’s not easy and hard to teach by text, but you already have your perfect sparring partner there.
Chances are he likes you (not necessarily as a love partner, maybe just friends) but doesn’t have any real social skills (because bullying the people you like to make them notice you and expect them to be happy with that is… well, an anti-skill).
This is not meant to tell you “so ask him on a date” or anything like that, he seems annoying, probably abusive by default, a long-term project to make him an enjoyable friend.
You could tell him “If you want to be friends with me, stop annoying me, I flat-out dislike how you are treating me, it really rubs me the wrong way and it’s getting serious. If you just want to bully for your own amusement, I’ll report you.”
Be very clear, This is intimidation and bullying. Don’t put up with any of it! He’s messing with your device? “Don’t touch my stuff!” If he can’t keep his hands off, make a scene. Loudly and with real annoyance/anger “why won’t you keep your hands of of my stuff?” Try to make this for everyone to hear. He wants to make you feel small, probably doesn’t want the attention on him. Step on your feet, “Why are you such a clumsy jerk?” again loud and angry. You need to get the attention on him and his behavior not you. You’ve done nothing wrong but to put up with this AH. Work on making him have to publicly apologize and backoff.