So for a while, well most of our 5.5 year relationship sex to Me has always been for him. Even before him sex, was something that I could just go without. Even now if he told me he didn’t want to have sex for 3 months, okay cool that’s fine wouldn’t bother me. I don’t like foreplay, head, getting fingered and all of that stuff it just makes me uncomfortable. We’ve tried things from toys, role playing, while some of its fun I can like it once and just be completely over it.
I love to make sex all about him and make sure he’s satisfied, and I’m always okay with getting nothing out of it. I understand that he has needs but he says he doesn’t always like it or it isn’t fun if I am not into it. And there are times I am, but I’m more not into it than I ever am into it. I tell him it isn’t him, I’ve always been this way. But it’s just something that’s seem to have gotten worse with new stress in my life.
Last night he tells me that sex is always “at my command” that’s not what he said but it was something like that it was late and I can’t remember. But he was right. it’s true.
I’m not sure if all of this is just from last traumas, experiences or what but if we’re getting married and spending the rest of our lives together in the next 6 months I feel like I owe it to him to have some sort of explanation, or choice. Because this isn’t all about me.
TL; DR
We have different views on sex, Are we sexually incompatible beyond repair?
2 comments
It sounds like you are asexual. There is nothing wrong with that, but I don’t think relationships between asexuals and allosexuals usually work out unless the relationship is not sexually exclusive. It sounds like he absolutely will never have good sex with you. It’s just not possible, because you aren’t into it. So, to be in an exclusive sexual relationship with you means giving up on ever having good sex again. Most people who are not asexual are not going to be happy with that long-term.
You’re not wrong or bad for not wanting sex. There are plenty of people for whom that would be a point of compatibility. It just makes you two a very bad match. You need to have a serious discussion with him about it before you two marry.
> Are we sexually incompatible beyond repair?
You aren’t r/deadbedroom, but you are r/hlcommunity. I’d say yes, Gap is too big.