Hi – for some reason I can’t find timescales anywhere. To be blunt, my dad is terminally Ill and is expected to die within the next few days. He’s at home and we know to call the district nurse when anything happens. How long will it take for a doctor/nurse to come and verify the death?
I’m 2.5 hours away from home (I’m up and back every few days but I have work commitments) but I’m arranging the cremation/funeral arrangements. I’d like to be home to support my mum around the time of the verification and pick-up but I just can’t seem to get the information about what happens afterwards. Everything online seems very roundabout.
I know the simple steps and what will happen in terms of the cremation from the funeral directors. But once I get the call from my mum, and assuming I am 2.5 hours away, how long will it take for the doctor to verify the death, so that I can then arrange for him to be picked up and transported to the chapel of rest?
Thanks in advance, and sorry for the morbid, and potentially triggering question.
25 comments
Depends on the time of day and how busy the day is. A couple of hours. Maybe less, maybe more.
With my grandad he was an expected death, I was there when he passed called the docs they arrived about an hour and a half later, I wasn’t in the room but it was quick I’d guess 10 mins but he’d been dead for awhile so I guess thorough checking wasn’t needed, then I called the cremation company and they collected him.
One step I hadn’t appreciated was that if there are any med drivers in etc that the undertaker can’t remove him until that has been removed ..
I did this with my mum last year and there is no rush – if he’s terminally ill and with the palliative care team etc when he does die just take that time, your mum calls you, you arrive and then help with all the process. It’s a powerful time and it’s not an emergency care situation anymore
UK here. It’s pretty much instantaneous when you make the call. My dad died 7am Sunday morning a few days before Christmas. The undertakers were there by 9am. There were zero delays in any part of the process. It may be your first death in the family but the system is very very experienced
It took less than an hour for my dad. All in all it was a few hours between him passing and the men from the funeral directors collecting his body.
Hiya, depends on the timings/workloads I guess.
My Grandma was very ill and we had visits twice a day. District nurse team had arranged for us to have a set of ‘comfort’ medicine for them to inject if she was getting too distressed.
She passed around 2/3am as a guess as I popped my head in to check on her. I called the District nurse team and they said they’d come round ASAP and arrived about an hour later to verify the death. She spent about an hour here with us and then took the paperwork round to the Drs for them to certify.
As she’d been so unwell, the district nurses had arranged video calls with a Dr every 21days so they were aware of the state of her health. They said otherwise the police/coroner might also have to come and verify the circumstances as death. I’m grateful we didn’t have to go through this.
We’d already spoken to the funeral home and once we called them as they opened, they were over in about 45mins to collect her.
Glad you’re thinking of your mum too at this time –
With an expected death it’s pretty quick. Certainly same day. My grandma was 98 and she died in the evening. The funeral director collected her in maybe 3 or 4 hours.
It’s really not something you need to worry about. They do this every day so you should just focus on the things that are under your control when the time comes.
I lost my sister a couple of months ago who I’d been caring for for 4 years and when she died I called the ambulance which came 15 minutes later and it took the paramedics 30 minutes to call her passing. No doctor arrived to confirm (apparently covid had changed that) that she had died the Paramedic’s opinion was enough.
I live in Scotland if that helps and I hope you will get through the difficult time that’s coming, make sure you’re there for your mother it will help her a lot!
My dad died in a hospice, at approx 8pm, his death wasn’t certified until the doctor came in the next morning.
If he had stayed home we would have had to wait for the GP to be open the next morning to ring and then we would have had to wait for them to come out.
My neighbour died at home in the early hours a couple of years ago. At 5am, her daughter popped round and asked my mum to notify the nurse and sit with her, etc. If memory serves, everything was taken care of by about 8am at the latest.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s tough.
My dad died around 9.30pm. We were exhausted and just went to bed, then called the doctor and undertakers the next morning.
I can understand not everyone wants this, but it worked for us. It had been a very difficult few weeks.
Hi,
It really depends on how busy the district nurses are on the particular day. It might be wise to have a conversation with them directly before the event, they can literally go through all the steps directly with you now so you know what to expect. It is unusual for a doctor to come out for it, district nurses usually have the ability to confirm for expected deaths. (Source: student nurse, have been out with district and witnessed this)
There is no timescale on when anybody comes to collect the deceased either, also depends on their work load, but you can ask the district nurses to delay calling for that until you have arrived. The district nurses are (should be) really lovely and have spent longer with their patients and families than most get to in a hospital setting, and they feel the deaths largely so would be willing to accommodate to make sure you and your mum are comfortable. Just give them a ring and have a chat
As others have said, don’t worry too much about the details.
Try your best to be there at the end if you can.
If you can’t then don’t worry too much about your Mum being alone, she can spend time with your Dad, no one will rush her.
Every professional you meet knows what to do and should guide you through the steps as they happen.
I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.
It may be worth speaking with your mum and seeing if she can arrange with a close friend to pop round to sit with her whilst you make your way there. She may not want that and may be ok being alone whilst she waits for you but certainly worth asking.
I went through this recently with my aunt, I’m sorry you’re going though this OP, lots of love to you.
When my aunt passed, we called the palliative care team and they sent the district nurse out, she came within about an hour to take out her morphine driver then a doctor came about 2 hours later (this was a Sunday, they let us know it could be a few hours before the on call doctor was available) so it does completely depend on the day of the week and if they have an on call doctor in the area.
Once the doctor came to verify the death, it was another 2-3 hours before the undertakers came to take her away. Once again, this was dependent on the day of the week and how many deaths were in the area that day which is a very morbid thing to say but some days are busier than others.
Where it did feel like a long time before she was taken away, we were thankful as it gave us a few hours to round the family up to say goodbye to her.
So I’d probably say you’ll have enough time to make sure you can get there to say goodbye and be with your mum when your dad does pass. Take care of yourself OP x
So as an ambulance paramedic we can RECOGNISE that someone has passed. But we cannot declare them dead as that is a doctor’s role.
If someone is palliated, then our paperwork recognising someone has passed is enough for a funeral home to collect your relative whilst their GP organises the paperwork they need to.
Equally, if it’s in office hours then their own GP and the palliative care team can also do that.
It’s all done pretty quick. We tend to have everything signed off within 30 minutes. GP/Palliative care can take longer tho
Any questions I’m happy to help as/where I can
GP here. Pretty much anyone can verify/confirm death (nurse, paramedic, police etc). Where I work, the family will call the district nurse team who will confirm death, remove any syringe drivers etc. You can then call the funeral directors. This bit can take half a day if the nurses are busy and it’s the weekend. I’ve seen it as quick as 15 minutes.
The death certificate is normally done by the doctor involved (and in a community setting will be the GP who has been most involved, or who has seen your dad last). Let the GP surgery know ASAP (sometimes the district nurses will do this for you) and the GP will write up a death certificate that has to be sent to the registry office. I will normally do it same day or by next working day. Where I work, in preCOVID times, the family would be responsible for collecting the certificate. Since COVID, we’ve been emailing the certificates to the registry office. Either way, you should make an appointment with the registry office ASAP.
If you haven’t already, it’s worth discussing these steps with the district nurses ahead of time so you and the family know what to expect. In times of bereavement, it’s easy to forget or overlook things.
It was all done in just a few hours when it happened to me. Not a nice time of course but it did not take that long.
Something you should be aware of that often no one tells you. When he passes his body is going to do things. Sometimes it will seem like he is alive. Sounds, and movements. It can be a bit of a shock to see and confusing. He is also going to leak, sorry I have no better way of saying this. If someone doesn’t need to see it I would usher them away if you can. It’s not pleasant.
Very sorry for what you are going though. Hope for the best for you.
There is absolutely no rush! When my grandad died at home, my grandma called me first and asked if I wanted to see him before she called the nurse etc. I did and we all just had a few hours of quiet time with him before we made any calls.
Take your time, there is no rush.
I’m sure that the district nurses have given you AP drugs. These are heavily controlled and need to be administered to him when the normal pain meds aren’t working. This is the beginning of the end and will normally push him into a coma, and he will die soon after. You’ll hear the death rattle, which is an awful sounding breathing pattern.
When you’ve found him dead, close his eyes, take your time. Say goodbye. Ring the district nurses, and they will come to do their thing.
The district nurses are excellent, and they’ll talk you through. No one is prepared, no one is an expert. They’ll know. They’ll tell you when to ring the undertakers.
We had a number of people arrive to say goodbye, and we ended up in the garden eating bacon sandwiches and laughing, crying, looking at old photos and reminiscing.
The undertakers came, took his body away and we continued to grieve.
The macmillan nurses were also excellent in organising the recovery of equipment and cancelling of appointments.
My father died at home at 1am, I rang the GP when they opened in the morning GP was there about 10 minutes later
When it’s an expected death there is no rush to call them, it meant we could say goodbye as a family first
Funeral director we called after that and they asked if we wanted them to come straight away or to wait longer
An expected death at home is a very different affair to many deaths where you have that time to take a step back and let things unfold
Ask your mam for the contact number for the district nurse and ask them,. Every area is slightly different as to what happens and the district nurse will be happy to talk you through what happens between her receiving the call and your father passing. Ask if you can get updates from them after each visit, that could give you some advance notice.
Hidden to avoid unintended upset: >! Everyone non family member caring for your dad knows this is end of life care and just a matter of time. There is a good chance they’ll know hours / a day before it happens; skin colour, breathing patterns, fluid intakes etc. The horrible truth is that when people pass, while the duration is an unknown the path is pretty much the same. !<
Source: Wife is a carer and deals will lots of at home end of life care. It’s not uncommon to hear her on the phone to one of her colleagues talking about someone they don’t expect to be their in the morning.
One thing to remember is that your mum doesn’t need to call as soon as he goes.
I don’t remember quite how soon we called anyone after my Dad went, but it wasn’t immediately. We took a little time to call other family members and just sit with the reality of his going before we set the wheels turning for the next step.
Just be warned people change slightly after they’ve died.
Everything relaxes and is very still.
Even if people are asleep or comatose they have little micro movements that we tend to ignore. Muscles are still working keeping everything tight.
When my mum died, everything relaxed.
Initially she looked “normal” but after a few hours, everything relaxed and she didn’t look “right”
I found this stage a bit distressing.
It might not happen with you, but it’s just a little warning in case something seems off or doesn’t sit right with you.
Sorry for your impending loss. I went through this last year. I was there when my dad died and it was quite upsetting and not instant – what I found comforting was not being alone with him when it happened and having other family there.
He was on a syringe pump so the nurse was actually out changing his meds over when it happened, and she was able to confirm death and then took the equipment out. But he was then left for hours until the undertakers were free to collect him. It felt weird, us being at one end of the living room while he was on his hospital bed at the other end.
From experience on other times we had to call the nurse out, they usually try to get someone there within a couple of hours unless there’s another urgent call – there’s more nurses on during the day than at night and weekends so I don’t think anyone can give a definitive answer because it depends what else is going on for them.
Interesting/morbid fact – most people tend to die around 11am (I did a lot of reading around death so I knew what to expect) and my dad was close to then. And I’d say it was about 4pm when the undertakers came. So my advice would be to assume it’ll be an all-day thing – everyone was really lovely but it all just takes a while. And it probably took a few more days/a week for all the equipment to get collected too.
Side note – the nurse was able to tell us when it looked like he was in his last few days (I’m about 6 hours away so needed the notice), but he actually went on for a full week when most didn’t expect him to last more than a couple of days. And there were times we thought he was passing (nurses too) when he’d actually seem to gather strength again and his breathing would go back to almost normal. We went through nearly 4 days of that and it was a total rollercoaster – his breathing would go from so imperceptible his chest wasn’t even moving to such a loud noise (like the worst snore you’ve ever heard) on/off for days so we didn’t know what to expect from one moment to the next. Only saying this so you can judge what’s going to be best with regards to work, family etc. I found the Marie Curie website especially helpful in talking about what to expect, so I’d recommend that if you haven’t already checked it out.