My manager and I were acquaintances at a previous company a few years back. Then he was hired at my current company. He started off working the same position as me, but the position was more of a filler role, and it was known that he would eventually be promoted to manager. I was the one who trained him.
We got along well and he was a lot nicer than I remembered him. He wanted constant reassurance that he and I had a good rapport. He wanted to know me as a person and I appreciated that. However, I encouraged him to get to know our colleagues of the same title, especially since he and another colleague had a mutual friend. I also told him on multiple occasions that I keep work friends and nonwork friends separate. Regardless, he always gravitated to me. I figured it was just his familiarity with me.
One time I mentioned having to find a parking spot during an anticipated snowstorm in our work chat. It was his day off, but he saw the message, and immediately called me to offer to pick me up from my parking spot and drop me home. Then pick me up the next morning to take me to my parking spot. Even though we live in the same town, I refused. Yet he insisted that he wanted to do it to show his appreciation for me as my manager. I still declined, but later on he offered to carpool me with his wife’s SUV. I said no thank you. The next day he took his own car instead of the SUV.
He would often ask me to meet with him, but he wanted it to be in person. With other colleagues, however, he would just message or call them for any requests. If I couldn’t do an in person meeting, he would just wait. He has never asked other colleagues to meet with him in private specifically. He would make time for me or buy snacks that I liked, but not with other colleagues. He would cancel entire meetings with our colleagues if I couldn’t make it. He often called me on my days off, or even on his days off, to talk about things that could wait until my scheduled shift and sent me non work related videos. Other colleagues felt a lack of respect from him actually.
When he and I got into a work related conflict I blocked him from contacting my personal number. That set him off to dismiss me and try to push me out of the department. I told HR that he may have crossed boundaries between a manager and subordinate. HR defended him, saying he thought we were friends because we worked together. If he was trying to meet with me outside of work, it would be another story.
Again, he never treated my other colleagues the way he treated me, and he only attempted to get to know other colleagues after our conflict. For instance, he went for drinks with a colleague I’m close to. My manager attempted to get him on his side, but it didn’t work. My colleague shut him down when he tried to talk about me. This colleague also warned me about a darkside to him after that night.
How can I fix this situation?
Tldr; My manager tried to get to know me on a more personal level. His behavior towards me was not the same as other colleagues (offering to take me to work, requesting in person only meetings, calling me on my days off and on his days off, cancelling meetings with other colleagues that I couldn’t attend, asking what snacks I like, making time for me, calling me to see off I’m okay when I request days off, etc.). We had a work conflict, then I blocked him from calling or texting me. He’s trying to push me out of my department. I told HR that he crossed the manager subordinate boundary, but she defended him. My manager tried to turn a colleague against me but it didn’t work. This colleague defended me and warned me about his dark character. I need advice on how to deal with this situation.
1 comment
Can you go above the HR person’s head because this is not right