Ive been dating this guy for 7 months. We started dating because he did such a grand gesture when asking me to be his gf i felt like i couldnt say no. He decorated a hotel, got us matching PJs & a romantic set up. He is also a great guy, sweet, kind, a real gentleman so i didnt want to say no. However, i just didnt feel “it”… i thought over time i would develop stronger feelings for him but 7 months in and I havent… i still dont have deep romantic feelings for him. I have tried hard to develop those and to no fault of his own its just not there… i dont want to let him go because he is a such a great guy but i know deep down im still just not the happiest i ever been. Hes romantic and i know he would be a great husband and father later down the line and id hate to lose that because in this day and age its so rare to find… but on the feelings aspect our relationship feels underwhelming or like it lacks passion…. What would you do?
I hate to be the bad guy or to let someone go because my feelings arent strong enough but i think 7 months is fair enough to say I just don’t see it working? Or should i keep holding out. Please help.
6 comments
I don’t think it would be mean to. You just don’t feel the way he does & you should express that. But if you keep going you’re just going to end up resenting him or you might possibly find those feelings. Best of luck
If it’s not there, it’s not there. There are plenty of good guys out there who aren’t “nice guys”, and can do everything right for you while still giving you the tingly feelings. You’re only 24, get out and experience the world a bit more.
You’re not a bad person at all for this.
It’s really important that that spark is there from the beginning. It wasn’t there; you just pressured yourself into going along with what you thought was expected of you. Isn’t that a terrible way to start a relationship? How would he feel if he knew that?
You can’t force a relationship just because everything is good on paper. You have to, you know, actually be into him! Otherwise you’re going to resent him and yourself and not be happy.
You deserve an awesome, passionate relationship with somebody that you’re crazy about.
As someone who got rejected less than a month ago, please, be honest with this person. It isn’t fair to you or to him to keep going in this relationship if you don’t feel a connection. I know it’s probably super hard to say “no” to someone you care about, but you have to be honest with yourself. When I was rejected it did and still does really sting, but the girl who rejected me was respectful and kind, and I appreciated her honesty. If I were you, I’d give it some time to really think about how your relationship with him feels, and if you don’t feel a deep emotional connection, be honest with him, while also making sure to let him know how much you appreciate him and how great you think he is. If he truly loves you, he’ll respect your decision and move on to find someone that feels the same way about him. I wish you the best of luck! 🙂
When you have the conversation breaking up with him, it’s likely that he’ll think there will be a combination of buttons he can push to make it not happen. Look back to the beginning of the relationship and how he arranged the “grand gesture” to put you in a position where you felt you couldn’t say no. I’m not saying he was consciously trying to manipulate you — I don’t think he was. But it gives you a sense of how his mind operates: “If I do this exactly right, how could anyone say no?”
So when the breakup is happening, he’ll likely keep asking what he can do to fix it. This is important because it means he’ll have a counterproposal for everything you say about why you don’t want to be in the relationship. But the problem isn’t what he does or doesn’t do. The problem is who he is — a guy you’re just not attracted to. So you’ll have to be firm that you just don’t think you’re compatible.
In the future, don’t make decisions based on grand gestures. Make decisions based on how someone acts day in and day out. Good luck!
My English isn’t good and I am from a conservative country, so I think you should marry him. A good man and provider is hard to find, particularly when you cant even leave the house alone or talk to people one on one. Don’t give up on a great find in hopes of this whole ‘western ideal’ of a passionate marriage between two people who choose each other. What do your parents think? mine didn’t like me dating someone they hadn’t arranged a marriage with already.