Im in my late 40s and date a range of guys 10 years younger to 10 years older. Ive noticed that it comes up a decent amount where the guy loses his erection when im on top. To the point of not even able to penetrate. Its like a switch off. I had one guy even tell me “Im not ready for that yet, is that the only position you can get off?”
Why is this? Im generally curious about how things work for guys. I generally know to switch it up with the grinding vs up and down. TIA
43 comments
I have noticed the same problem tbh lol. How often does it happen?
I don’t lose erection but I’m not diamond hard after about 10 min of cowgirl, if she hasn’t been cumming or I haven’t entered her p fornix (or something else interesting hasn’t happened). It’s normal. You’re doing most of the work, yes, but also choosing what you want rather than what he wants, in terms of depth, grinding, strokes, speed, weight, angle. If it was half an hour cowgirl even I might lose my erection.
Normal
Condoms? Could be loss of feeling or something
Definitely fitness and diet can make a big impact on sex.
I’ve never had this issue with any of my partners.
How many people has this happened with? Have you asked for feedback on what the issue is? I wonder whether there is something about your technique that might not keep them hard (many guys don’t like grinding etc). You also mentioned someone telling you to sit back so it doesn’t slip out. So maybe positioning is a problem. Or maybe this is a common occurrence for those *particular* men.
If it’s a technique thing, then maybe you can make adjustments with whatever feedback is given. If it something that happens to these guys often then I have to say that you’re just having bad luck with picking them. I’m in my 30s and haven’t ever found this to be an issue
I don’t lose my election when it happens but for me after a while of cowgirl I get what almost feels like a Charlie horse cramp in my lower abdomen right above my dick. It almost takes me entirely pit of the experience and can be somewhat painful. So perhaps it’s something similar?
Some positions just don’t feel as good as others. It really comes down to how the two bodies fit together and personal preference. I usually love a rider but some positions—looking at you, wheelbarrow—do nothing for me.
Have you tried reverse cowgirl? It might hit different.
This happens to me and it’s not related to health, in my case. I lift religiously and I eat nutritionally.
I recently noticed I lose an erection when she’s on top because of how wet she gets. The sensation gets lost after having everything super wet and lubricated. I simply wipe the excess fluid off of my dick with a towel and then everything feels great again.
I (40m) actually enjoy it when my wife jumps on top and grinds herself to a mutual orgasm. One of my favorite positions for her needs and mine.
So, one of my play partners and I discovered this:
She LOVES this position because she can move how she wants and she always comes from it.
But it’s not that fun for me because I don’t feel anything. The allure of penetration for men is feeling the friction on our dome; for women, it’s feeling full and then stimming the clit.
Cowgirl is a great spot for girls to feel stuffed and grind clit on the pelvis, but it leaves our dick tips buried in your vagina with nothing really going on with it.
RECOMMENDATION: She does this move where she pulls out to where only my head is in and then she grinds on it for a few seconds — it’s enough to make me almost cum 😂. So she stops after a sec then plunges back in and gets hers, once again I’m not feeling anything but the friction from a second ago has me rock hard.
TL;DR — when we’re deep in, we don’t feel much so lose erection. Pull out to just the head inside, grind his tip for a minute and, if he doesn’t come, put him back in.
I can’t feel a single thing when a girl gets on top, the position means that regardless of how much the girl moves I’m not getting anything because the penis is so … deep? It’s hard to explain. But it’s both that the position doesn’t do much physically, and that for me the fear that you’re going to break my dick will absolutely cause me to be on edge the entire time
Top position feels good for me but doesn’t do much. Can’t get off on it if my life depended on it and I have been with many women
It’s my favorite position and have never lost erection or even firmness. I am not totally dependent upon visual stimulation though, and I know that a lot of guys are which is why doggy is a favorite amongst most guys. I do also enjoy being able to make and maintain eye contact, so that helps.
I don’t just lay back and let the woman do the work though, I use the position to hit her spots, but am very proactively participating and still doing most of the thrusting, but it helps to tilt her pelvis to get to the right places.
We also like choking play and it allows her to have more control over pressure and a soft landing and nice embrace when she’s ready, I only squeeze the sides, she pushes forward until she gets the sensation she wants, then I release and lower her down while she recovers from intense orgasm. This is something we have learned from many years of practice, not something that should be taken lightly.
everyone’s anatomy is different. might feel great with one partner and not be stimulating with another
Mid to late 30’s here and I’ve noticed this happen to me too when it didn’t in past years. Here’s what the experience looks like from my side:
Blood flow makes a big difference here. Being ontop means that I’m doing exercise which increases blood flow and hormones a lot, compared to lying down relaxing on my back, gravity of blood flow is also working against a little here with position switch. Have you tried being ontop with your partner in a sitting or slouching sitting position on a chair instead? This might work better (and give more of his upper pubis for you to grind against)
Others here have already noted the difference in who’s controlling the strokes and hence who it feels good for. You also mention in your post that you know how to switch up grinding vs up and down which is great to do. Feeling friction up and down against the head of the penis, especially the underside of the head is what really helps stimulate and maintain an erection. I’ve often had experiences where there’s a pause for a few minutes with no penetration or only grinding and my partner being surprised that my erection went down. It can only take a few minutes to loose it.
Distraction. When you’re on top your mind is focussed on the mechanics of sex, but being on the bottom can leave your mind to wander, and if you get distracted by non sexual thoughts that can cause the erection to be lost as well.
Not all of these have easy answers to overcome, but just sharing some perspective here.
I have the same problem I think we just get less head stimulating movements
It’s blood flow.. against gravity maybe? I read something that said, in the opposite, prone position it can cause so much blood flow that can damage tissues.
I honestly am not sure for the reason, but I know I’ve had issues with going soft when my girlfriend is on top of me. It feels awesome, but I think there is some degree less stimulation for a lot of guys, so that may be why.
Based on the posts, it seems that some men do experience loss of sensation. I find this fascinating since my SO loves this position.
Interesting. 50yo M here. I love women on top. My fiancé and I started having sex, oh, about 9 years ago and she told me I was the first guy she’d ever been with who came with her on top. I’m guessing it’s common, but I’ve never really discussed it with any other male friends. I honestly have no preference, I’m just happy to be involved, lol.
I lose my erection when I’m laying on my back; not sure why, but I thought it had something to do with blood flow
I’m 47m it happens to me sometimes. The problem is that when yall are grinding, there’s little stimulation on the penis. It feels good, but the older I get, I need the friction more. So, I may stop the grinding, do a few upward thrusts, and I’m back in the game before she notices or before it gets too soft and we may have to start all over again.
I’ve never had a problem with it, I’m at full attention top, bottom, sideways, standing, sitting…I’m late 40’s
I’m in my 20s and I’ve only had this happen with my ex! Glad to see other ppl struggle with this. He always loved the idea of me riding but the moment I would straddle him boom. Erection gone lol
No idea what this is. Being ridden is literally the only thing I want.
For me, I mostly lose an erection when my partner rides me like she’s scooting a chair forward to a table. I get that it feels the best as it’s more clitoral stimulation. But my penis can only move back and forth so much.
Yea for me I noticed the girl I am seeing now is pretty wet, like wetter than any girl I ever been with and with her I can not keep it up do to the fact that I don’t feel no friction at all and that makes my erection lose itself
For me it’s cause I’m paranoid of my dick snapping in half. Have read too many horror stories about this position
If my wife is on top and just grinding then yea sometimes I start to go soft. Not much stimulation. If she’s actually riding up and down then I don’t have that issue.
TBH the way women move is not what works for guys.
I’ve noticed when women are on top or in a position to “direct” the motion, they employ a back and forth motion while I’m inside. It likely feels good to them because of the clitoral and other stimulations.
But back and forth for a guy is like.. a “shake”.. that we do when we’re done peeing. LOL. There is nothing sexual, erotic, etc about it. I’ve never lost an erection from it, but it definitely stopped me from approaching climax and was like “Ho Hum, let her have her fun, then do your thang”.
​
In and out, that’s what a hamburger – and guys – are all about.
It’s the grinding thing. I know ladies love it, but when it’s happening, I’m not feeling anything. Hard to stay in the game when your guys are on the bench.
There’s nothing hotter than a woman bouncing on top, breasts take on a life of their own, witnessing her getting off purely by your cock, that utter pleasure in her face and her loosing herself, then when she orgasms! My god, How can you not like that!!!
Some people are just weird. 😂
If it ain’t going in and out it’s not doing much for me. Unless you got them hip tricks.
Cowgirl is my favorite position. As it generally felt best for my ex, and i loved being able to suck on her nips while she was riding me. I also liked counter thrusting or adding little movements to match her timing, she seemed to like it as well. I never really had any issue with going soft. But she would OFTEN comment ‘why are you so hard?’ To which i would always reply…’because you are soo sexy!’
gravity makes it harder for the blood to flow
It gets soft if you just grind, you need to move up and down in order to dont get soft
For some men, it is harder to maintain an erection when they are on their back because the blood flows away from the penis. Gravity can be a bitch sometimes. This may be the problem for some of the older men.
when i’m on top, in my head i’m trying to create an entire new experience. i don’t want to do fast up and down movements because it’s quite difficult to bounce fast and it’s more enjoyable for both parties (IMO) having missionary. i go slow. i mainly use my hips to swing up and down. i’m kissing his neck. pulling his hair. swing my hips up, right on his tip and linger for a second before going back down. it replicates the feeling of him entering you for the first time. do this a few more times while having my mouth on his ear while i do breathy moans
from my experience, always gets them ready to cum almost instantly. then i swap to grinding, which allows them to not cum while i start to get close. i’m grabbing my boobs, i’m moaning how good he feels, etcetc. go back to the up and down after i get off and he cums. boom 💥
I’m the same way. I think it’s a lack of pace and sensation. The view is magnificent but maybe the lack of stimulation shifts focus.
Gravity make blood go away from pp
It’s blood flow
For me personally, my gf on top is one of my absolute favourites and watching her enjoy herself keeps me rock hard. We’ve even switched it up for her recently, she’ll take me in for a bit but then slides me out so that I’m flat against myself then she grinds her clit along my shaft. She gets totally soaked doing this and has the most intense orgasm whilst telling me how good I feel on her and how she wants me inside. That teasing helps to keep me even harder.
I’m personally not a fan of woman on top. I don’t think I’ve lost an erection from it, but it’s my least favorite position and does nothing for me. It’s hard for me to keep it in if she’s really wet, I’m worried about my dick getting bent, I don’t have any leverage for thrusting, and I feel like I’m working against gravity. When I do it with my girl, it’s only so that she can get off from grinding on my dick and then we change positions so I can cum.