So recently started a new relationship as I posted, this is my first actual relationship since my divorce last year. I have tried dating before this but no one really stood out or made me want to start one. I really like this women. Like I connect on soo many levels and she is honestly hits a lot of the things I was looking for.
Now the concern, last night I allowed her to read a convo I had with buddy and she scrolled up farther and said she seen something that made her upset. Mind you this was a convo back in march. I went back today to look at it and the part she mentioned I can not find. She said I said in the convo I wasn’t into big girls. She considers her self a big girl(she really isn’t though). Anyways I explained at the time that’s not true and i’m def not into tall girls and maybe I described a recent women in that message as big(6’1 and about 200-210).
Long story short I went into my messages that she looked through and cant find that convo she referenced. Now I know I have talked about some of my dates and potential partners over the last few months with my close friends. Am I too much in my head or did she try to press me on one of her insecurities?
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Quick Edit: Should I just let this be and not bring it up and keep doing what we are doing and try to help her work through it?
6 comments
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I think you have found an insecurity. I myself am close to 6’ although not close to 200lbs, but I wouldn’t have thought too much into it if we were dating and I read that because… you’re dating. I think a non-insecure person reading that would just think they didn’t fit the parameters of whatever you meant. You’re obviously into them if you are dating and even if she was in this gray area, the rest of her makes it worth it. If anything, this should have been a self-esteem boost. At this point there’s nothing you can do besides reassure her. Everything else is inside her head.
Well, first lesson learned: she can’t be trusted and she makes up shit so she can use it against you / accuse you of things you haven’t done. Not an auspicious start. Second lesson learned at the same time: don’t give her access to your phone.
If I were you, I’d dial it back with her and see if/how her behavior goes from here.
You may not be able to find that conversation thread, but you do you know if you had that conversation. If you said to your buddy that you are not into big girls, that’s fine. If she saw that and is now insecure about it, that’s honestly her issue. There’s not a lot you can do about it, no amount of trying to reassure her is going to help. She went looking and is upset with what she found. That’s on her, in my opinion.
I sit her down with my phone and ask her nicely to show you exactly what you said that made her upset. When she doesn’t find it, she’ll admit she made it up and talk of her insecurities (pretty damn big red flag) or she’ll accuse you of deleting it (run for the freaking hills). Either way, you have to have this conversation.
I think she just wanted reassurance. Probably didn’t know how to bring it up. That’s all