I’ve been with my husband (30 m) for abt 7 years excluding dating years of two. Throughout the relationship I’ve seen several narcissistic behaviors in him. I’m not a saint either we decided that I (25f) should be a stay at home mom to our daughter and rely financially on him! I’m an associates in business administration and six months left from bachelor’s. He has himself confessed to texting other girls himself and says I need to be more sexier looking. For reference I am above average looking girl and workout 5 times a week. I’ve worked on myself to fit in his criteria bec I always believed he loved me and he is still young that’s y all the immaturity. Last night I took screenshots of like around nine ten chats with random girls on tinder and one on telegram he even has a Snapchat. It breaks my heart for our two year old but I can’t let this go this time what can I do please guide me I’m stupid and still young he was my first ever date and I married him young. I need advice on how to handle this situation, like what to do next?

Update: he found out I sent screenshots to myself so he confronted me with anger but I stood my ground. He is saying no let’s just take a break and we have child I feel bad for us.

46 comments

  1. Honestly just file for divorce. Why does there need to be an argument with everything. You know that you can’t trust him. You know that he’s not faithful. Yet have his paycheck and alimony. And move on.

  2. Talk to a lawyer. If you don’t know one who knows divorce/family law, google your state or county bar association, call them and ask for a referral.

  3. Cheaters rarely change. File for divorce, collect child support and focus on yourself and your child.

  4. What an idiot. Lose your entire family because you can’t stop messaging women.

    You need to go buy him a flip phone – that’s all he should have

  5. I’m sorry you have to go through this but you must be calm and pragmatic. It will help you focus on what to do the best for you and baby.

    First dont confront him in any way and prepare your leaving by first finding a lawyer NOW! Dont do anything like leaving before having the advices and know more about the law.

    Then you will find/prepare every single proofs of his cheating(his tinder conversation but also his mails,his history,text messages ,… on all materials :his phone/computer/iPad)look in your bank account too you will see if he paid things but also if he have another card you know nothing about!
    Check his car(secret places)when you can look on his Wallet to know if he have condoms !

    Also i encourage you to open your own bank account and put money on it.

    Prepare your important documents and put them in a safe place. Change your passewords from any plasforms you have.

    Pass a STD test because you dont know for sure what he did so you must carefull

    It will be hard but i’m sure you gonna be ok. Remember that you tried and already forgive him for doing that now you must be selfish and choose you.

  6. How would he feel if the roles were reversed and he caught you texting and talking to other men on tinder? What would he do?

    Get a lawyer and find someone that loves you for you. This is not the one.

  8. You speak to a lawyer show him the evidence then confront your husband tell him to leave ..

    He will probably turn it on you sayings it’s your fault yada yada.. it is not.

    Not matter what he says just keep saying, 🤷🏻‍♀️ don’t care we are done.. you need to leave..

    If you speak to his mom call her and tell her to get him out .

    Then divorce him, he won’t change and you have a child to think about

  10. 7 years excluding two dating, so you were 16 when yall dated and he was 21? or 18 and 23? either way its weird as fuck. and he’s probably talking to girls even YOUNGER than you. Leave him, its the best thing you can do for yourself and your child

  11. First of all, this isn’t going to change, ever. The fact that he blames you for not looking sexy enough or whatever is basically gaslighting & it’s also bullshit. He just doesn’t want to take accountability. This isn’t on you. This is him not respecting you or your marriage & nothing you do is likely going to change that. And as for your daughter, she will be better off if you are. Having a mother who was strong enough to stand up for herself & leave a toxic situation sets a positive example, & as long as you mind what you say about her dad, her relationship with him doesn’t have to change. She may see him less or under different circumstances, but she’s so young she’ll adapt without much turbulence.

  14. He blames you for his cheating?

    Divorce him, get checked for stds

    Get a good lawyer and start living you best life. There is no reason to settle

  15. If I’m reading this right, you’ve been with this man since you were 16 and he was 21?

  16. You should look at getting a divorce attorney. Men like this don’t change. Ever. They just get better at hiding it.

  18. I really appreciate your guys advise! I had no idea that online chatting is not a normal phase in relationships I’ve seriously just been numb about it! I am gonna take notes and hopefully make a sensible decision

  19. Collect all the evidence somewhere safe. Get tested for STD’s. See a lawyer. Get a job. He wanted you to be a SAHM so he could control you. Fix it so you are no longer dependent. Save money. Once your ducks are in a row, leave. Take every penny you and your child are entitled to.

    Why are you caring for your in laws too? Stop being the family maid.

  22. You shouldn’t have ever been with him at 18 years old. Chances are, he’s still into teenagers as well. Divorce him immediately if you want to save yourself. He’s a predator. Got a young girl that he could cheat on. He has made you financially rely on him as a means of abuse. To keep you down, keep you home, he’s able to go out and do what he wants. He is telling you you’re worthless, has made you not work so you lose confidence, he wants you to stay so he can continue cheating which is abuse. Please leave before it gets worse.

  23. He’s a piece of shit. Make that break permanent. Tell him he can go sleep at one of his hookup’s house. File for divorce and alimony.

  25. Honey , you are young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You deserve to be happy. Do not spend any more time or energy on this man. Life is too short and precious.

  26. Narcs and cheaters don’t change.

    Your kid is two and you exercise regularly? I don’t get why he’s straying so easily, but that kinda behavior is an immediate dealbreaker for me. I left my narc son’s mother immediately when I found out she went to hang out with a man and presented herself as single.

  27. 7 years excluding two dating, so you were 16 when yall dated and he was 21? or 18 and 23? either way its weird as fuck. and he’s probably talking to girls even YOUNGER than you. Leave him, its the best thing you can do for yourself and your child

  28. As someone whose father disappointed his daughter just like this.. Make sure he’s the one who has to break his daughters world in half. This is a man who thinks his penis is more important than the safety and security of his daughter’s future. He made an oath, not only to you but your daughter. He’s only as good as his word.. and his word means nothing.

    Ask him; “What does it feels like to be the first man to break your daughters heart?”.

    You and your daughter both deserve better darling, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Start stashing money and recording all the evidence.. I’m sorry, but I think this is going to get worse before it gets better.

  29. Girl you know what you need to do and thats to get out of this relationship. He is a narcissist and he loves attention from other women. He doesn’t care about you so just cut your losses and leave. You are too young to be tied to a useless piece of shit like this man. Give your child a healthy role model, don’t let them think this is how a normal relationship works.

  30. Divorce. STI test.

    Please do not sleep with him anymore and just split. Since you’re SAHM, you would get child support at the very least.

    Don’t do “breaks” that’s bs.

  31. Take a break? And what will change? He’s only angry because he got caught. He’s a serial cheater. He’s not gonna stop. He doesn’t care about you. It’s time for you to put you and your child first. Throw him out.

  33. He’s scum. He’s how old ? Stop acting like a baby. That man has a child. He’s pathetic.

  34. Get back into school ASAP and finish your degree. Set up a private bank account he doesn’t know about and start putting a bit of money into it. It should be at a different bank than the one your joint account is at.

    Get a part time job to start getting done with experience for your resume. You must work toward financial independence right away.

    Once you have your degree, a job, and a reasonable balance on your private bank account, then divorce him.

  35. I co-parent with my cheating ex 50/50.
    If anything my child gets to see a happy father and a happy mother. When his cheating dad and I were together it was just a lot of stress and arguments. After I kicked daddy out he no longer wet the bed, his grades went up and he liked going to his dads house, because he got his own new room there with new toys etc

    He doesn’t see us together but he does spend quality time with his papa and spends quality time with me.

    Everyone is happier this way.

  36. Go to counseling and see how it works out. You do have a child together.

  37. I’m so sorry. Time staying home with your baby is priceless! Finish your degree and divorce him. Save those screenshots. Upload them somewhere secure he can’t get to and delete, then get them to your lawyer.

  38. He’s an ass who doesn’t appreciate what you two have. Two of your early sentences about his narcissistic behavior and you “needing to look sexier” was all I needed to read to know you should leave him. He’s out you in rough predicament, because you rely on his income. I fear he could use his financial status as an upper hand when it comes to custody, unless you are able to impress on any judge that you have a more stable home life. I’m not sure if you have any family to temporarily move in with, but with 6 months to go for your master’s, you should be able to secure a stable job to support yourself. I’m sorry you are going through this. It sucks!

  39. Don’t just take a break. Divorce him. He’ll have to pay child and spousal support, and you won’t have to deal with the cheating. Get rid of him.

  40. Nope. Continue to stand your ground. During this “break” of his he is probably going to do as much as he can with other women and then claim it’s a break. Then he is probably going to love bomb you and if that doesn’t work he is going to resort to name calling and threats. He is a narcissist after all.

    Get out ASAP. Get a lawyer and divorce him!
    You deserve better. You’re young. Your daughter will be fine. She deserves to be happy and see you happy so she knows
    how to be treated by a future partner. If your “husband” wants to fight for shared custody, let him. As long as she is safe with him. But let it be known that you are control of this. NOT HIM!

  42. You’re never going to measure up to his standards. YOU’RE not the reason he’s straying, that’s entirely his decision. Nothing you do will ever convince him you’re good enough to not be cheated on. Your looks will always change as you age, but this guy is going to be the same asshole for life.

    Feel bad for your own situation, but don’t feel bad about your child not growing up with her parents being together. Take your child away from a man that models these behaviours for your child so that she doesn’t grow up thinking this is what love is. Fight for your child’s right to grow up to not accept these behaviours in men (or other partners)

  43. I noticed you mentioned in a previous comment about your marriage being an arranged relationship. Would you mind me asking, what your ethnicity is? Only answer if you’re comfortable.

  44. A man who’s high quality is going to love being a parent, a dad, he’s going to love coming home to his wife, having weekend getaways with you, date nights. A man who’s high quality and who deserves a wife is going to cherish those things. He will find the stability of a family more rewarding than having sex with young promiscuous women.

    Your husband is unhappy with himself, he does not want to be in the marriage with you, and he probably doesn’t want to be married. File for Divorce now or your life will only get more and more miserable.

  45. OP this will never get better without him getting serious help. Focus on finishing school and your daughter. Don’t play his games. Don’t engage in correcting his behavior other then insisting he seeks professional help. Sorry your hand is being forced but you didn’t cause the problem. If he’s saying take a break, it could mean he’s checking out so don’t waste time and energy on him. Remember you are still young and have a future to look forward to.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like