What made you stop needing/wanting validation from men?

19 comments

1. A proper appraisal of what men’s validation is worth.

2. After college, I realized that most men suck and I never need validation from them, especially not when I’m more successful than literally every man I know lol

3. Once I hit my late 20’s something just set in- I just stopped caring. Dressing the way I like – baggy shirts less makeup etc much happier the way I look now and I’m comfier than ever !

4. My financial independence, complete and irrevocable.

5. University, the harder it got the more I had to take unnecessary things out of my life to get my degree, I stopped looking for men, validation in general and drama just so I can graduate (I’m almost over so I can say it was worth it).

6. I figured out no amount of external validation would ever solve my issues with self love. It took me until my 30’s to really understand this. It’s so freeing to stop giving a fuck.

7. Movie recommendations. If you have ever gotten a movie recommendation so garbage that it forces you to look behind the eyes of that person and wonder what the hell is going on in their brain, you can snap out of the validation cycle pretty easily. This is the trick. If you are caught in the rapturous embrace of another person’s opinion, you can break the spell by asking the right questions.

   Men are just people. Being male does not bestow upon them special cognitive abilities. If you need to ween yourself off the validation of men, treat them like people. Ask them for an opinion on a topic they don’t know, but you know really well, and the value of their opinion will plummet faster than skydiver without a parachute.

   Nobody knows yourself better than you, but insecurity can really screw with our vision. Try a topic you feel confident on, and hearing that stupid flow from another person will melt the need for validation far from your mind.

8. Men would fuck a hole in the ground. All that matters is what you validate within yourself.

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11. Self love and self worth. Men can’t fix the internal issues I have from past trauma or past hurts.

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13. remember that even children and dead people can get a man’s attention. male validation is worth nothing

14. Self-love 🥰

15. Ironically, I stopped wanting male validation when I met my boyfriend. He didn’t demand much from me. It was also when I made friends with men who respect women. I realized that my expectations of men were low. A former male friend said I had high standards for men. It was eye-opening when I found out he cheated on his 7-year relationship.

16. When I realised society is created largely by men for men in order to cradle their fragile egos. No thanks.

17. I was eleven when grown-ass men starting hitting on me, so my valuing their validation lasted a mil-a-fucking-second.

    Why would I be flattered by their flattery, when it is often merely a tactic/con.

18. When I realized that most of the men who are drawn to me are enamored by my “fiery spirit” (others words not mine), and the way I carry myself. Usually they wanted a piece of it or to see if I would bend and shrink myself to accommodate them or give them that part of me.

    I am not stingy when it comes to gassing up the people in my circle and unfortunately a lot of men only return that praise when they are pursuing another goal outside of a platonic connection. A guy friend who I still adore shook me with a moment of validation and my response jolted him. It almost seemed like it broke him but it was a wake up on my end. He had switched from praising my talent and personality to complimenting my appearance, something along the lines of “you really are very pretty”. I said thank you and he seemed like he was waiting for me to say more so I explained that while it’s nice to hear and can be a boost on a day I feel low it’s not something I ever needed to hear from someone else. I personally find it weird because the biggest factors of how we look are genetics and things like cosmetics which I don’t really use so he was praising chromosomes not ME. He seemed salty and it got to him, it took a few weeks for me to realize he probably expected me to melt at that sort of attention but I just felt put off by it. When it clicked that the validation came with so many strings and this wasn’t a unique experience I’d had with me , it became cheap and of little value so I stopped desiring it.

19. It started very young when I realised I didn’t need validation from anyone, not just men – validation for making friends, validation to fit in, validation to feel okay in my own skin. I realised I needed validation from me first after given the impression and feeling from the ‘friends’ I was around that I was ugly and whatnot. So I started telling myself that I’m beautiful, I’m amazing, everyone loves me. And now I love my own company more than anyone else’s.

    Also, the majority of men these days would do anything just for 3 minutes in bed with you and then it’s over.