I’ve been seeing this guy for a while. He mentioned his most recent ex was a model. And I’ve seen her social media because i did a background check on him before i met him and her name came up. She’s like HOT.. like super beautiful and did some acting. They broke up six months ago. They were together for a few years and he wasn’t able to commit to her wasn’t ready for marriage. I’m not ugly, I’m in good shape and young but I’m no model.. Is this a red flag?
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Hot isn’t enough for a long-term relationship. Don’t compare yourself in such superficial terms. If anything, I would ask about his ideas of marriage. And 6 months does seem a bit short, but if he wasn’t that into her, maybe then I could understand another serious relationship so soon (subjective).
**It might be a red flag for you in the sense that you have some insecurities you need to work on.** She could be the most conventionally beautiful person in the world, but if she wasn’t a love match, she wasn’t a love match. For me personally, the more I get to know someone, the more how they look changes to me. When I love someone, they ARE the most beautiful person in the world to me. Also, NEVER trust social media. People use filters, focus on their highlights, and you know NOTHING about who they actually are or what their lives are like.
Have you ever tried a dish that looked delicious but tasted gross to you? Or met someone super attractive but they turned out to be an asshole? Looks aren’t everything.
Picture this: say you don’t work on this, it continues to eat at you, and eventually you sabotage this relationship…don’t do this to yourself.
First, not everyone has the same preferences.
Second, I’ve been friends with models. They’re usually under profound stress and it spills over into the rest of their lives. It’s entirely possible that this was a learning experience for him.
It seems you are insecure, and you are trying to convince yourself that you are not. The red flag seems to be on you. If you are insecure, talk to your bf, be open with him about your feelings and concerns, and talk it out.
No. It obviously wasn’t enough to keep them together so why would I be envious of a failed attempt?
That’s an ex for a reason home girl . Don’t compare yourself to her . He’s with you for a reason .
Don’t rule out she was a colossal pain in the ass and you may be the better person.
Just saying. I am sure you have points in your favor
My partner’s ex was a part-time model. I am not. But he broke up with her and chose me.
Nah bruv, that doesn’t make much sense. If Angelina Jolie wants to date me, my absolute last thought would be “aww man I’m not as hot as Brad Pitt :(“ it’d be more like “holy fuck she could literally be with anyone but she’s choosing me.” That should be a ego boost if anything
If he would fit with a hot super model, he would date a hot super model. He probably is tired of dumb blonde insta models. I wouldn’t be worried.
As you get older you’ll realize looks don’t mean anything. In my personal experience the drop dead gorgeous ones are the most dull and high maintenance (I don’t mean this to be offensive) and the most recent girl I was with wasn’t anywhere near as conventionally attractive as my exes in the past but she’s the girl I’ve felt the most for by far. Unfortunately I started a new business and moved away and left her as well, but the point to this midnight ramble is looks aren’t everything. Enjoy who you have in front of you right now for as long as you have him/her.
Had an ex who used to be married to a small time actress. Gorgeous lady! I was a bit threatened at first, especially since they were still in contact. I expressed my concerns and we talked through it in a very adult manner. He reassured me that if he wanted to be with her or someone like her, he would. He had chosen me because he loved the way I look and everything else about me thus far. It wasn’t just about appearance.
Moral of the story, what’s on the surface isn’t the only thing that makes you love a person! I have fallen head over heels for objectively unattractive men. But to my eyes they were so handsome because of the person they are.
How tf is that a redflag? Lmao the audacity of people these days
You do realize pictures you see aren’t realistic or reality?
If she’s a legit model or even an insta model they are all photoshopping, air brushing, adding tons of make up.
She may be beautiful but unless you’ve seen her at 8am waking up next to her, barefaced then you don’t know what she really looks like
Why the fuck would his ex being hot be a red flag?? I’m not trying to disrespect your insecurities but that’s an insane take.
My partners ex could possibly be better looking than me. Couldn’t give a shit. I’m the one she’s engaged to and has a child with.
Something beyond looks obviously wasn’t working in your BFs relationship so why make it about appearance? If he didn’t want to date you, he wouldn’t.
>. I’m not ugly, I’m in good shape and young but I’m no model.. Is this a red flag?
It is a red flag, just not for him. Get over yourself.
Sometimes (if not most in my experience) hot girls don’t have personality. Most guys would rather be with an average wife-material woman than a superficial and dry conversationalist model. For long term relationships at least
It’s 100% a red flag – for him
That you’re stalking his ex and letting her beauty undermine your relationship with him. You should work on your self-confidence.
You should just block her social media and never look at it again. I saw your comment about him having issues of her accusing him of flirting with her friends sounds like she was very insecure and he probably didn’t like that and you wouldn’t want to go down the same road if you really like him. Just focus on being with him and leave the exes in the past 😁
Ehhh….. Why should it be a red flag? Red flags are types of behaviour we might not like. Your boyfriend isn’t doing anything wrong?
Or do you mean your behaviour is the red flag? Looking up his ex on social media? Comparing yourself? Being insecure?
My current boyfriend has an ex, they have children together and they co-parent, so I regularly see her. She has beautiful features, and on her good days she could pass for a model. She’s not doing well mentally, though, and often shows up with unwashed hair and “crazy eyes” like she’s one thread away from just giving up on life. Everyone has their own struggles. We shouldn’t base happiness on levels of attractiveness.
Hello! I can understand why you feel that way but honestly, no. There isn’t one set thing that every human finds attractive and most people I know don’t have just one single set physical type they are attracted to. You can be the opposite to his ex and still be equally beautiful in his eyes… or you may have other traits that he finds value in even more. Looks certainly aren’t everything and she is his ex for a reason.
To use a food analogy-
Someone might love pepperoni pizza. They can gladly enjoy it whenever they have it… but despite how different they are, they could also like margherita, meat lovers, spinach & feta cheese or any other variety and find them equally appealing too. That doesn’t take away from their enjoyment of pepperoni.
Just because someone is different, it doesn’t mean they are better or worse.
I know this much is easier said than done, but instead of comparing yourself to her or other people… you will be much happier, have healthier relationships and be better off in the long run just focusing on being the best version of yourself that you can be… and trusting that he sees something equally special in you too.
Next to every beautiful woman, you can find a man that is sick of dealing with her.
It’s not 100% accurate, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t true to some degree.
Superficial attributes are not always a reflection of anything other than what you see. So what she is “model attractive”, it doesn’t mean she isn’t batshit crazy or not a horrible person to be around. She also might be a wonderful person and their breakup was all his fault.
Just be confident in who you are and what you bring to a relationship. His past relationship has nothing to do with you until you or he makes it a part of your relationship.
you did a background check?
Having a good looking ex isn’t a red flag.. obsessing over how prettier than you, your new partners ex is though.
Sounds like your insecurity is the red flag.
Y’all need to calm down with using the red flag term
Their relationship didn’t work and now he’s with you so stop being so insecure. Hot isn’t enough for a real relationship and clearly she was lacking in his eyes as he refused to marry her. You may not have her looks but if you’ve got the other things he’s looking for then there’s nothing to worry about
The issue you’re probably going to face is that insecurity and jealousy are horrendously unattractive and this type of thinking often leads to acting out in some way and that will chase a man away real quick
Is it a red flag?
Him: no
You: yes
Unfortunately *you* are the red flag 🚩
> Is this a red flag?
Yes, but you are, not him. Insecure people should work on themselves.
I looked at your profile and this is straight up the least of your problems
Heyyyy… BEEN THERE. Firstly, no it isn’t a red flag but if you are insecure, it’s hell. You need to understand that just being hot isn’t everything, and most people like a whole range of people – think of popular celebrities-you probably don’t consider them hot, but some people will.
However, I totally understand your feelings and it really is hard always feeling like you don’t measure up, but you have to have faith in your partner and trust them if they say they love you. That’s all you can do. As for the anxiety that comes with it, I recommend therapy. Good luck.
This is a situation guys face quite often, their gf’s ex being fitter/more successful than us. It can get to you if you let it, but then you realise that they’re with you now instead of them so in the end you win. A friend of mine had this same concern. (Not me though never had a gf myself due to cancer haha).