Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent?

I’m finding it somewhat of a challenge to become excited about becoming a parent although seeing some parent/child youtube channels does make me “get it” to a certain degree…

However for some reason it’s much harder with the idea of having a son (I’m M31) and I feel this is related to not so great childhood especially because of how this exists with parenthood in general but seems to be much more acute with the idea of having a son. I’m currently in therapy for this but progress is slow and we are planning on having a kid soon so I wanted to see if I could get some advice from people who have gone through it.

A bit of background – I have zero relationship, common interests, and almost zero positive memories with my father and I can count on one hand the number of things he has taught me in life from childhood to age 31 and they are all things you could write instructions for on the back of a napkin and still be able to learn them lol.

In addition to this I didn’t really fit in at a very young age, I had 2-3 friends in primary school (all boys school) and mostly just wasn’t liked, then in secondary school things improved somewhat but still didn’t fit in for the most part, in college in another city things we’re awesome though and I had tons of friends.

In large parts my life really started to become much better once I was away from family and I’m not really close with them in general.

So basically I have very few positive memories of being a kid, having a dad, or interacting with other young kids (mostly young boys)…

My main fear with this is that I could have a kid and just feeling nothing for it basically and that being 100% outside of my control (I’ve read of people on reddit with a similar background to mine having this exact experience so this is not an unfounded fear IMO).

I’m just wondering has anyone got a similar background to me and did it affect how you felt about having kids? Did things change once you had one? Was there anything you did that changed things either for the better or worse?