Long time partner (M, 28) of 3+ years and I (F, 31) at risk of breakup because he’s homesick

My partner (28, Albanian male) and I (31, American female) are taking a 1-3 month break from our relationship so that he can figure out if he wants to move in with his parents and brother 6-7 hours away. He is the eldest son. We’re in love (felt by both of us) and have a healthy relationship but the elephant in the room of our 3+ year relationship has been this question of proximity to his family. We are both really close with our families and value them dearly. I do not really want to move down there with him (it was on the table) and he doesn’t seem to want to do long distance. However, I am open to discussing it together. I prompted the 1-3 month break (with very little communication during) so that he can see what it is like to live without me kind of thing. Months ago it felt like we broke up (but ended up staying together until now) because I pressed the issue and he responded with saying things like: “I want to move home, and don’t want to do long distance, I miss my family and want to live in the same house as them”. We cried over this together and almost mourned the loss of the relationship because we felt like: “okay this is what you want, and how are we supposed to work out now?” So prompted by me, we came to conclusion that we’d take this break but back then it got put off until now, so that he could focus on taking an important exam for his career (he, like a lot of men, is good at compartmentalizing feelings and taking specific time to sort feeling and thinking matters out). He also didn’t want to leave but was definitely still conflicted and perhaps confused. Now we’re officially on the break and it’s been 13 days.

Part of me is hopeful that we’ll stay together, but other times, I am hopeless. When he said he’s homesick and wants to give due diligence and respect to our relationship by taking this time apart to feel through emotions (he said he hasn’t given it too much thought!), I feel somewhat hopeful (also I feel hopeful when I think of the love we share for each other and how compatible we are). Also, I feel hopeful when he admits he is homesick and doesn’t want to make a rash decision in that state of being. I feel hopeless when I think of the things he’s said months ago, as mentioned above.

He said he is lonely here and when I’m gone or out of town or something, he really feels the lonesomeness. We shared mutual friends but they dealt with some issues with one another and he doesn’t really have a great support network out here like he does at his original home (with Albanian long-time friends and family). He is also a pretty passive man, really easy going, and seemingly simple man that I think can be fairly happy and content anywhere. He isn’t great at making friends or just doesn’t care to because he stays busy and we love spending time together. He hasn’t seen his family in 7+ months and maybe his homesickness is playing a part in his desire to move back/conflicted feelings?

He’s also said this will be the most difficult decision he’ll ever have to make. We share a dog together that we got as a puppy and both love so much. He gets along with my family and we live with my younger brother close to my other brothers, and I feel like this can get a bit too much for him…idk. I offered up moving into our own apartment and he knows that’s a possibility.

I am in limbo and that’s fine because I want him to take his time so that he gets clarity. I want him to be happy and if it’s not with me, then what can I do? We can’t last and maintain a healthy relationship if we both aren’t happy and fairly content. I don’t know what’s going to happen and some moments are gut wrenching. I love him so much and appreciate him. We even dabbled with the idea of children but he is uncertain about that matter as of late (when I was out of town, upon my return, he said he definitely wants children but later reneged that statement, saying it might have been out of loneliness 😢).

I am the kind of partner that encourages him to visit his family as much as possible and I love going down there to hang with them as well. I like when we’re apart because it gives me hearty time to focus on my other relationships and me, as he gets to do the same.

I have broke our agreement to talk only business on this break a couple times to let him know some things I’ve been reflecting on. And of course, I feel the urge to talk with him but am making a concerted effort to not do so and respect our initial agreement.

Does anyone have advice?!? Has anyone been in a similar situation?? I would absolutely love to hear any feedback!! I feel fairly clear about what we’ve been dealing with but I will be absolutely devastated if we break up…I can’t even imagine that yet, it makes me panicked and physically sick feeling.

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