We had a great first date, got the place at 4pm and left at midnight. We’ve been texting ever since.
We planned a weekend away this weekend and then today she sent me a text saying ‘this queen will need a new swimsuit and a manicure’. I live in a country where white people are expected to be rich, so it’s not unusual for there to be expectations on me to pay for things or lend money.
The date was good so I don’t want to bin it just yet. She came across as smart and reasonable, but I think this is a red flag. Should I walk away?
46 comments
“Heck yeah, treat yo’self, queen!”
Could be that it’s just something she wants for herself but it’s honestly better to be direct than just dodge something that could become a problem later on.
Maybe reply with something like “Let me know if you need help deciding on which swimsuit. But you’ll probably look good in all of them.”
Doesn’t imply that you’ll buy it but still a cute text.
A queen doesn’t ask a man for things. She gets them herself.
Tell her “then go ahead and get a swimsuits and a manicure you deserve it ;)” and if she expects you to pay then tell her you’re not a sugar daddy and or that you’re still too new to be buying each other gifts like that.
This heavily makes me cringe.. The way she implies it makes it seem like if you don’t, you don’t see her as a “queen”
You could say that she should indeed treat herself, and if she’s expecting you to pay for those things that she’ll have to look elsewhere
If it was meant as a joke ok. If not walk away, shes 30 she can pay for her own shit
It could be she was speaking about getting them done herself, so just say “Yes, treat yourself! Self care is important.” How she reacts will determine if you should bother to continue with a relationship.
Just message back and say, can’t wait to see them haha
If your in Thailand or one of the similar nations near by that swim suite is fairly cheap something like 10US$ as long as you stay out of the malls…
I would ignore any requests, let it go over your head, you set yourself up badly if you cough up the gifts etc to soon, now having said that she will cost you to keep, so be sensible about it.
Tip for you, just because your dating in an other country is no reason to “pay” the gf, hints and demands my come, you dont do it back home so dont do it where you are, if she turns out to be unreasonable dumb her there dime a dozen in Asia and use a criteria for the next one that shes educated has work etc, and dont waiver, the “demands” often come from the women in the seedy walks of life, or low class types…
Assuming that she wants you to get them and isn’t just stating that she wants to get them herself later, massive red flag for me. Then again, anyone who refers to themselves unironically as queen is a red flag. I’d run.
I’d be very uncomfortable with this myself.
I see it as very disrespectful if someone else starts pretending that my money is theirs or if they feel like I owe them money.
But is she asking you for these things.. she might have just been telling you her plans, and showing that she’s making the effort for when you go away 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe it is a cultural thing, but aren’t you two just knowing each other for her to be asking such things?
Just calling herself “queen” would be a red flag. Asking for you to pay for a swimsuit and manicure would be the 2nd red flag. I’m not sure how many flags you need.
She’s telling you what she expects in a relationship, if you aren’t up for being a sugar daddy, you should opt out. It’s only going to frustrate both of you if you stay.
Are you some sort of expat in a growing country where many are impoverished? Which country is it I wonder? I came from a ‘growing’ country myself and yes, where I came from, they always expected Westerners to be wealthy. Many Westerner men also end up with “girlfriends” where I live and some of these relationships can be somewhat transactional, as some type of financial support will be expected. Albeit, the risk for these women were pretty bad if they’re not financially compensated at all, there’s prejudice and harsh judgments against women who are dating foreigners, living with them…having sex b4 marriage (ahem)…due to religious reasons as well as cultural aspects…
Then again, the text also is neutral enough for me to assume that she’s just declaring she’s getting herself some new bathing suit and getting treated for mani pedi… Are you 100% sure she’s implying she wants you to pay?–I ask since this is part of me who’s been outside the country for awhile lol.
Also, why the jump from first date to a weekend away? You don’t have to take her for a weekend away this early too, you know. Not taking her with you for a weekend away =/= having to pay for new swimsuit and mani-pedi.
Does she think that this is going to be transactional relationship as in, she’s going to be a ‘kept’ lady seeing that it jumps from one date to an invite of a weekend away?
RUN
Women who calls themselves queens are 🤢.
And I’m a woman.
If I assumed correctly, English is not her first language and there’s a chance that the English/North American nuances in speaking English can be misaligning. Id just ask her- “I really like you, but I’m not looking for a relationship where I pay for everything. Does that change anything for how you feel about me?”
I know plenty of immigrants that use strange language because they haven’t had much real life experience with the language, only among other immigrants and niche tv shows. There’s a lot of judgement in comments regarding her usage of word “queen” and the number of time I’ve had younger immigrant men thinking “bitch” was just another word for “girl” is a handful…
Just be straight up and tell her you’re not comfortable buying her things. Don’t be passive about it by deflecting and telling her to “treat herself” etc. Just confront it head on.
That way, if she’s actually looking for a guy who’s willing to buy her things she can move along, and it’ll save you the headache of getting too attached to a person who wants something completely different from a relationship than you do.
It looks like those are her expectations for a relationship, if you can’t meet them I suggest you move on, even if you had a great date. You clearly are not what she’s looking for.
Sounds like a statement more than a request. Treat it as such.
Lol yeah I’d reply with ‘I can’t wait to see it! Send me a picture whwn you’ve bought it!’
You have had one date and are already planning a weekend away?
You’re already going on a weekend trip? If you paid for all of it, you kind of did this to yourself.
I think a weekend get away after 1 date is a red flag from both of y’all tbh
Should I walk away? Yes, unless your dream is to be viewed as an ATM machine.
I would have a talk about it now and stop waisting time. I would say something like “yes queen, you work hard so you can treat yourself to these things. Gosh I really love how your independence and not expect others to take care of you!! Anyways have fun. Talk to you later” see how she responds and take the conversation from there.
Haha yeah she’s looking for an ATM, not a relationship.
I would tell her to have fun shopping etc…..
Imagine falling on hard times and she dumps you because you can’t support her queen lifestyle and requirements. That’s going to feel so hurtful, like you’re just a bank machine.
“Hopefully the queen will have some coin in her purse for said mani and swimsuit”
Here’s the thing. You can simply pretend that you don’t get that she wants you to buy her something. If she says she wants or needs something, agree and say that she should go out and get those things. Don’t offer to pay, because since she didn’t ask you to, there’s no need to offer.
She could be trying to get you to volunteer to pay by not asking. So she can’t be accused of making those demands.
Or she was simply saying that she plans to get them on her own and it’s all a big misunderstanding. If that’s the case, best to act like you don’t see an ask and see how it goes.
I have been in a relationship for two years and I would never EVER say that to my boyfriend. Nope.
Tell her that she has plenty of time to get them and that you would love to see her in the swimsuit after she buys it.
You had 1 date and you’re already planning a weekend away together? Was I the only one who saw that part and thought red flag?
the real red flag is y’all doing a weekend getaway after one date. the fuck
Damn… I wouldn’t even say that to my husband not to mention a guy I just started dating.
She sounds like a gold digger or a sugar baby.
Some women and men like this dynamic. So I don’t think it’s a red flag unless you don’t want that type of relationship. Some men would like this, not saying it’s right or wrong. As a woman, I would not be like this, I like to be more equal. So yea you probably should be honest but walk away
The better question is why do you think it’s appropriate to plan a weekend away with someone you’ve gone on one date with?
She’s a big red flag.. but so are you lol
If the queen needs a new swimsuit and a manicure she could go ahead and get it.
So I still don’t even “ask” my husband for things like this lol I’d say only stay if you’re prepared for the asks you get larger and more frequent.
Red flag, anyone who calls themselves a queen like that won’t treat you as a king, more like a servant. Dip
swimsuit and manicure is one thing, but who’s funding the weekend getaway?
RUN
It’s the weekend getaway after one date for me.
It’s only been a first date and she already calls herself a queen + wants money from you.
Save yourself a broke bank account and don’t pursue.
Just send a text back and say can’t wait to see it!!! And see what she says. Then stay or run.