Like he didn’t wear it the whole day and kept it somewhere the light doesn’t reach and just put it back on his finger as he walked in the front door.
I usually greet him when he gets home. He’d give me a kiss then our boys would come barrelling into him. I didn’t say anything as he wrestled with the boys and I didn’t say anything during dinner or when we went to bed. I just don’t want to know right now.
It’s the first time I’ve felt his ring that cool to the touch but it’s not the only thing I’ve noticed. I’ve noticed little things since the start of the year and I thought he might just be anxious about my pregnancy.
We had a difficult year last year. I had a miscarriage in August and we were devastated- I took it harder I guess; I was just depressed and manic at the same time for a bit. And that meant he had to take on my tasks at home and take care of me and still work. Then I got pregnant again in October and we were cautiously happy.
It’s been my most difficult pregnancy. I barely felt anything with our boys but this one, I’m constantly tired and nauseous but I’ve been trying I keep up and show him I’m doing okay so he doesn’t worry too much.
He also started putting pressure on himself to live us to a bigger place so I told him we don’t have to move. Our home now is big enough even with 3 kids and we did a major renovation of the whole place before moving in when we got married seven years ago and he also constantly updates bits and pieces so it’s in top top shape.
I thought that would be the end of it but then earlier this year, he started spending more time at work then sex wasn’t as often (still regular but decreased) then he started becoming unreachable for a few hours a couple of times a week. Then, just recently, he started having a shorter fuse with me. He’s still sweet and thoughtful but it feels more like autopilot than sincere effort.
Is it just sex? Is he falling in love with someone else? Is he tired of me? Am I too much? Will he leave me? I don’t want him to leave me. I think I’ll just stop breathing if he does.
I’m the one with a non-monogamous past (consensually). He is the one who said monogamy is important to him. I’m the one with mental health issues and prone to hyper-sexuality but I have worked very hard on myself and have devoted the last nine years to him and our family- I’ve kept our home clean and serene and a place he is excited to go home to at the end of everyday, our boys are well cared for and are happy and well adjusted but discipline, I’ve kept my self up, physically and intellectually, I’ve kept his belly full and his balls drained and I’m more than happy to do whatever new trick he wants to try in the bedroom .
Where did I go wrong? How could he do this?
He used to make me feel so safe and loved and all I’ve ever wanted was to make him the happiest he ever could be. If he wants to open up our marriage, all he has to do is ask. He doesn’t have to sneak around and lie.
Why is he doing this? I don’t understand.
Maybe I’m paranoid. Hopefully I’m just paranoid- that’s the best case scenario, I think but it might be a bit of a stretch to hope that.
I honestly don’t want to deal with any of this until after our baby is born and I’m just trying to pretend everything is okay but my heart breaks a little everyday.
5 comments
Miss, with all due respect……you’ve come to a complete conclusion that your husband is cheating with no real evidence. And this thought is tripped by a cold piece of metal.
With all that’s gone on in your life recently, I’d suggest therapy before you run down this rabbit hole.
Is it possible it’s cold from where he keeps his hand on the steering wheel in relation to an ac vent?
I think the easiest way is to talk to him, tell him that you have doubts at the moment about his attitude and that it hurts you, if he asks what, tell him that you find him distant, less available, that he come back later, less sexual intercourse….. communication is essential in a couple and you must be calm at this time. even if it’s hard, even if you’re scared, the easiest way is to talk to him otherwise you’ll be plagued by doubts and won’t be well. try talking to him tonight and let us know.
Do you think your pregnancy hormones are playing into your anxiety about your husband? You both suffered a loss last year, I am sorry for that for you. And maybe is suffered more than you know and with you having a difficult pregnancy maybe he is scared about it also, leading him to be seeming more distant. Please talk with her OP, have an honest conversation with him, don’t let the suspicions eat away at you.
Talk to him about feeling disconnected.