I’ve been with my bf for nearly 3 years, and he really is a great guy—hardworking, loving, caring, emotionally intelligent. We are planning to get engaged very soon.
The problem is I have traditional South Asian parents who are very critical and judgmental of the relationship. Dating and marrying someone of your own choice was not common when they were young, and they keep telling me that they have “better” options for me (richer or more conventionally attractive men, from richer families). They say that at the end of the day it’s my choice, but at the same time they keep making little digs at my bf and making it very clear that they don’t approve. Also, I live with my parents (that’s the cultural norm), so I can’t just distance myself.
My dad looks down on my bf for not having a masters degree or a super high paying job, and my brother makes comments about how he seems like a “Type A” personality who’s calculated and a workaholic (which he isn’t), or that he’s chubby and not that tall, etc.
It’s easy enough to say “just ignore them”, but their comments really hurt me and take a toll on my mental health. I have (diagnosed) anxiety and my family’s behavior is constantly putting me on edge and making me second guess my decision to get engaged soon, even though I really love my bf. Sometimes I find myself thinking that maybe there are some red flags that they see and that I don’t, and that maybe I shouldn’t get engaged, that maybe my parents really do know what’s best—but then I talk to my bf and am reminded of how great he is. Also, all my friends who have met him absolutely love him too.
I guess I just want some advice as to how I can stop letting my family get to me, and make me anxious about something I thought I was so sure about. I feel nauseous every time I think about getting engaged now, solely because of my family’s behavior.
TLDR: My south Asian family is highly critical and negative about my bf and it’s making me anxious about getting engaged to him in the near future.
1 comment
I think if they had an actual complaint about your boyfriend, there might be cause for concern, but…making “regular” money and being less than perfectly attractive physically (in their eyes) probably aren’t real complaints about his fitness for you (and if they are, they”re incredibly shortsighted ones)–they’re complaints about being connected with a person who will not increase THEIR social standing instead of someone they can be smug about. If you work well with him, feel supported and respected by him, and have compatible life goals, ignore your family. Remind yourself that when they make these criticisms, their priorities are themselves, not you.