So to preface, I would like to immediately acknowledge that I am a very negative and unhappy person. Yes I go to therapy. Yes I take meds. I have tried to implement the meditation, mindfulness, and grateful mantra techniques, but my presence still drains people around me. To a point where I’ve been written up at work multiple times for affecting moral. I am not saying this to look for pity, I’m saying it to help give perspective on how difficult it is for people to be around me, and to establish that I’ve taken as many measures I can to try and remedy it.
As for my friends, I used to have a great amount of friends from college. We were all art majors, and we used to share our work regularly and talk about ideas or ways to improve. We’d collaborate on stories for comic books and small game projects, and I can honestly say those were some of the happiest days I’ve had.
Then shortly after college I noticed I started getting ghosted by most of my friends. Many even blocked me when I sent them messages on instagram or facebook or something. I think it’s partly to do with the fact that I was never very good in art school, and I might be a little too stupid for my good art friends, or because I was really annoying or depressing to talk to. Either way, I lost everyone over 4 years.
I did manage to reconnect with a couple friends from college last year though. We started off just like before, and seemed to be having a great time getting back into each other’s lives. However, I’ve noticed that they’ve stopped responding to certain texts again. It started off mild. Maybe taking a few days to respond to something like “hey how was your day?” or “How’s the puppy going?”. They sometimes would respond to that, but if it was related to art, they just ghosted me. The guy in the relationship has stopped responding all together. He hasn’t actually told me that I’m annoying him or anything, but it feels like he’s trying to get me to stop talking to him. The girl is occasionally sending emojis, and I’m starting to feel really guilty.
The last time we talked, we were talking about a Disneyland trip since I could get them discounted prices. At the time, the girl said they were excited by the idea, and that they would get back to me about it later. But they haven’t responded to my request for an update on their schedules. It’s been 2 weeks now, and I’m honestly just so scared that I ruined this friendship. I want to ask if there’s something wrong. I want to ask if I was making them uncomfortable and if I should stop talking to them, but I’m afraid that’s just going to pressure them into lying to me to avoid an awkward conversation. Is there a proper way to address a situation like this, or at least clear the air so we can figure out if we should continue talking or not? Or would that just make tension where there might not be any?
1 comment
If your problems come from an emotional source, I highly recommend hypnotherapy with a good clinical hypnotherapist. They will help soften emotional scars such that they no longer linger in your mind repetitively.
Other than that, read “Learned Optimism” by Martin Seligman, and see if anything he says applies to you.
Have you asked yourself why you’re negative and depressing to talk to? It sounds to me like you might not want to be, but are you having trouble changing it?