I was with my ex for almost 7 years (2015-2022) finally last year after many failed attempts at reconciling and trying to salvage our relationship, i told him I was done and attempted to move on. I met a nice guy, spent NYE 22′ w him and wanted to see where things could go, all the while being 100% honest w my ex letting him know i met someone.
For months my ex refused to accept we were done & would call me 200+ times, make threats to this new guy, tweet about him, say he’s gonna kill him then kill himself, send me screenshots of his GPS showing me he was on his way to kill this guy any time he was over my house. He also threatened to kill himself and forced me to chill w him or else he was gonna do it. All the while begging me back. ***I’d tell him to move on constantly***. it got so bad i had to involve my dad to get my ex to leave me alone which July 2022 he finally did.
6 months went by w no contact, he has a new “victim” so i figured I’d not hear from him. Then I ended up finding out my ex was tweeting about me on the regular (he has over 6K followers which idk how his gf doesn’t even know he has twitter or sees this). I didn’t know this until I checked his twitter months later (mid November) and saw the tweets.
He ended up speaking to my mom in December telling her he misses me and we ended up speaking in January. From January – March he was coming over my place a lot, sleeping over and confiding in me all types of things that he’s cheated on this new gf already, doubts their relationship, compares her to me, isn’t fully over me, etc. I would tell him to be honest w her and that he should try being single bc he’s clearly not over me and not ready to be w someone.
Fast fwd now it is May and we haven’t spoken since March. I saw that he is still tweeting about me that he misses me and is still in love, but is having a baby with this poor girl that doesn’t know a thing.
Should I tell her what a toxic narcissist he is? And **BY NO MEANS** do i want him back. He made my life hell for years and begged me back for years which i never ever got back w him bc he was too toxic. But as a women, i feel so bad for this girl. She has no idea about the man he really is and i just feel bad and want to warn her. But I don’t want to look like the vengeful ex bc *i do not want him*.
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What do you think I should do? Also, Please be kind. I am genuinely looking for advice and help.
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Thank you.
11 comments
To be honest it’s never a good idea to interfere in someone’s relationship. She should know about his behavior for sure but I would start with restraining order to you. He’s potentially dangerous. If they’re living together there is no way she will not figure out what’s going on
>*For months my ex refused to accept we were done & would call me 200+ times, make threats to this new guy, tweet about him, say he’s gonna kill him then kill himself, send me screenshots of his GPS showing me he was on his way to kill this guy any time he was over my house. He also threatened to kill himself and forced me to chill w him or else he was gonna do it. All the while begging me back. I’d tell him to move on constantly. it got so bad i had to involve my dad to get my ex to leave me alone which July 2022 he finally did.*
I certainly feel that at this point you should have cut off communication and informed the police as this is scary and dangerous behaviour from your ex.
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>*He ended up speaking to my mom in December telling her he misses me and we ended up speaking in January. From January – March he was coming over my place a lot, sleeping over and confiding in me all types of things that he’s cheated on this new gf already, doubts their relationship, compares her to me, isn’t fully over me, etc. I would tell him to be honest w her and that he should try being single bc he’s clearly not over me and not ready to be w someone.*
I have to ask – why the frick did you start speaking to him at this point? Because he said he missed you? Of course he did, he reacted obsessed and insane for months prior. Also, I don’t imagine how you can, at 34 years old (I am 31F) be concerned or care about his new relationship when you’re allowing a man who is clearly dangerously obsessed with you to sleep over your house when he is in a relationship. I don’t imagine you’d be comfortable with any new partners you have sleeping over their exes houses consistently. That is weird on your part.
Honestly, your post has really confused me. Your ex is clearly awful and you are not to blame for that in any way – however, I find it confusing why you say you don’t want him back but yet allow him back in your life after he harassed you for so long?
I think get in writing the shit he said or did and either go to the police (I’m not sure how much could be done at this point because you let him back into your life after his harassment). In regards to his new gf – sure, tell her if you think it will save her but if you think and feel this man is so abusive and terrible then do not allow him back in your life in the future again.
Him being an toxic ex, you shouldn’t even let him get inside your house tbh. You’re were being soft on him about it. He is a total creep and tbh too dangerous to deal with. Out of his mind. So, I wanna say that literally go to no contact mode from him and also make your parents block him.
But again, he’s having a baby with someone else. And feels like she should’ve known his twitter acc and just doesn’t care prolly. But if she doesn’t, you still may have to let it go.
Here’s why, if you interfere in his ongoing life, he will def get in your life much more than he ever did before. He’s dillusional. So, if you interfere, he won’t stop until you call police or family members. Probably he will harm your life even after facing legal power.
That’s one big possible situation. So, based on this, sometimes you cannot help others.
P.S. If you have necessary evidence to put him under legal authority, then do it. That’ll help her.
My advice is to leave it alone, stay out of it, mind your own business. If you truly want him to be an ex you need to get over it. Block him, don’t read his texts, delete him entirely out of your life so you can move on. Stop worrying about what he’s doing and focus on yourself. Take care.
This is really hard to understand. When you started seeing someone NYE 22 you told your ex. And on and on from there, remaining completely enmeshed with him. I understand that you may not have been psychologically able to separate at that time. But here you are on reddit much later, still not separated from him.
Block him on everything. Ask your mother to do the same. That’s it. If you need help with doing this, work with a therapist.
I don’t understand how it went from “this guy is threatening to kill me and my partner” to “we are having sleepovers” together in a matter of six months.
Girl, stop being dumb. This guy is bad news. Cut him off of your life and don’t look back. If he threatened or harass you, it’s not your dad that should be involved but the cops.
As for the new girl. If you really feel like you have a moral obligation to tell her about what he’s posting, I would do it through a fake email/social media account that can’t be traced back to you. Send her a message along the lines of “Hey, I don’t want to be involved, but I feel like you should know your boyfriend is constantly things like this <put links to his tweets> and I felt it was wrong to keep you in the dark. Please don’t tell him you got the info through this message, he has a history of harassing people and he’ll probably do it again to find who sent it.” You wait until she read the message, then you delete the account without saying another word. Don’t tell anyone you made that account, you know nothing about that anonymous message. But that’s only if you **really** feel like you must let her know because there’s obviously a risk he’ll zero down on you and harass you again.
No. Don’t tell her. He will deny it, you will look jealous and crazy and he will tell her you are. Block them on phone and all social media. They are going to continue to lie about you, but the people who you are closest to should know it’s all lies. Move on.
If you tryna save her the trouble then yes
Not you circus, not your monkeys. Stay well away
i would tweet back with an Anon account and tag her in 10 of his most recent tweet. bc F him, that’s why.
God damn girl. Move on, yourself…. stop looking at his twitter. Stop accepting his communications. Stop having sleepovers with him (wtf?!?!?!). Make better choices for yourSELF and don’t concern yourself with him or his girlfriend.